Ham and Petersham

This fixture encapsulates what Sunday village cricket is all about and why we all love it. A picturesque ground that dates back to 1815, a most welcoming opposition, fabulous tea and a cracking tavern with a wonderful beer garden and a gentleman’s agreement that no one should take it too seriously. The May bank holiday was kind to us, although the sun, clouds and wind played their dance in the sky keeping it interesting.

Centuries of history and a Royal Palace

We lost the toss and were inserted by Ham who also claimed our new Huddersfield Cherry. The rules were old school, declaration cricket in an 80 over game. We were honoured to have chief ICC cricket tv director, Borgav, umpiring fresh from his stint covering the PSL and Caribbean league and as he walked out to the middle his keen eye for detail must have noticed the international makeup of our opposition for the day, which included 5 Indians, 1 Afghan, 1 South African and a Trinidadian wonderfully named Bentley.

Hopes were high on the bench

H&P opened with their own Akbar, which confused me for a while as I was umpiring.The Afghan was bowling full inswingers at a skiddy speed on a surface that was sticky and his initial spell was right on the money. Facing were openers Bison and Muttley (who had made a fine hundred on the ground two years ago). At the other end Grant, a South African, also had lively pace , slightly shorter and it was clear we wer in for much more of a battle at Ham this year!

Muttley was first to go in the 3rd over inside edging Akbar onto his stumps with the score on 15. Groundskeeper replaced him edging the next delivery through the slips but then fell to Akbar as he played all around a full straight one. Bison was solid, keeping the scoreboard ticking while the pressure was being applied with the new cherry, and his new partner at the crease Bumpy fell to the kind of yorker from the Afghan that Waqar would have been proud of. We were in trouble at 46-3 after 9. Our two giants Bison and Levers, both measuring 6 foot 4 decided to dig in and turn things around.

Two-Oaks

With brave shot selection, including several drives and cuts to the rope by Levers, they took the score to 79 when Akbar bowled two dangerous beamers that led to him being taken off to collective relief before Levers was unexpectedly caught at deep mid wicket off Grant for 15. Cat came and went in a flash, missing a straight one to the off spinner who didn’t turn it, and suddenly we were 80-5 with no specialist batsmen to come.

What we needed now was a captains innings… and that’s exactly what we got. POBSy came in having watched his side falter he played an assured and wonderful knock, coming forward to the spinners and hitting the bad balls for several lovely off drives. He assumed full responsibility for getting us a competitive total after Bison fell to Bentley just after reaching his 50.

Bison is feted on his 1st fifty for the Woodpeckers, and many more to come

We still had a lot of work to do at 117-6 after 22. Old hands Tiddles and POBSy played straight and kept the scoreboard ticking until we passed 150 in the 30th over, and the restaint got too much for Tiddles when someone bowled a Cornetto.POBSy was joined by Twinkle and so close to his 50 when he was run out going for two on 48, but his contribution was priceless.  Our tail did not wag and we were bowled out before half the allotted overs were completed, ending on 166. Would this be enough?

Director Borgav ratified Umpire Bumpy’s decision

Tea was taken in the delightful Hand and Flower pub which also served as our changing rooms. Highlight of the fare were the samosas and coronation chicken sandwiches which were so inviting that they had run out by the time the kindly H&P captain brought up the rear in the queue. A cover band was playing to the bank holiday audience in the beer garden. Snax’s friend Kahren joined the team for a cup of tea, as did Groundskeepers cousin, and everyone was in good spirits and some had fuller bellies than others.

Tiddles selecting his tray of sandwiches

H&P opened with Charles Reddish (kindly Tea Maker) and Akbar and were met by wonderful new ball seam bowling by Spinach (who bowled a marathon spell of 12 overs) and Tiddles (whose 8 overs accounted for at least half the calories in the chocolate mini rolls he consumed).  The cornetto lover was pitching the new ball up and moving it around enough to pierce the Afghan’s defences to draw first blood in the 6th over followed by another wonderful wicket taking delivery next ball. Tiddles was suddenly on a hat-trick!

Spinach bowled the opener with a lovely full delivery and Ham were 24-3. Pansar and Mundi began to consolidate whilst struggling to score against our miserly openers. Spinach was particularly unlucky as several chances went through and fell tantalisingly short of the slip cordon. Finally an edge flew to Keeper Bumpy who was keeping brilliantly on in very ‘Bumpy’ conditions dived forward to take a fantastic catch.… or so we thought, but not given and no movement from Mundi, who later claimed that this was retribution for a wrongful dismissal in the previous game. After the match H@P skipper confirmed that on that occasion he had walked 5 yards but returned to the crease claiming he actually hadn’t hit it… the partnership took the score to 67-3 and a decent position before Spin finally got his man, bowling Mundi for 19. The turning point in the match was the run out of the dangerous Pansar (29) from a relay run out that emanated from a size 14 boot stop on the boundary by 🦬 off the last ball of POTYs marvellous spell.  We took the game by the scruff of the neck for the remainder of the game with first change bowlers Groundskeeper and Snax coming on to bag further braces. Groundskeeper took his second catch of the day off his own bowling, a huge leap from an England Schools high jumper (highest 1.91).

Smeagol soared like an eagle to pick up his second

There was wonderful symmetry to the bowling figures as both openers Tid and Spinach returned figures of 2-31, and both first change bowlers GK Smeagol and Snax recorded 2-12 Average honours go to Twinkle with a 1-1 return. They were wonderfully supported in the field as we talk all of the catches (in front of the wicket). Snax was left with the honour of closing proceedings, captured on film and foretold by the skipper

H&P were all out for 94 in the 29th over… a glorious comeback by the Peckers and a win by 72 runs to extend our winning streak to four. This correspondent would like to suggest that Bison should take the MOTM laurel for his first Pecker 50 closely followed by the skipper for keeping the ship afloat.  We retired to a glorious evening sunshine in the Hand and Flower garden where we sat with the opposition and enjoyed some beers, live music and the last of the Summer sunshine. GK Smaegol’s Vietnamese Auntie was there, still recovering from returning to her house two years prior at 9am after the game/after-party to find me in her bed! We all felt good to be alive this day 🙏 and great to be a Pecker ❤️

L-R from back Tiddles, Spinach, GK Smeagol, Cat, Pobsy, Borgav, Bison, GKS Cous, Twinkle, Bumpy, Muttley, Snax, Levers

the largest chicken burger ever constructed?

Dunsfold

The Woodpeckers, it must be said, are grotesquely spoiled. Between glorious grounds, gentlemanly teammates, life-affirming pints and pub gardens that shimmer in the June haze, one could be forgiven for assuming we’ve been trapped inside a Richard Curtis screenplay. And if Dunsfold isn’t the cinematic cricketing utopia, then frankly, the projector’s broken.

Our story begins with Tilford’s Hankley Gold at the Sun Inn, under a blue sky, a brisk 7-iron from the ground. Here, crusty veterans and bright-eyed newcomers mingled in gentle pre-match chaos. Fingers, playing for the second week after his exceptional showing at Hogs, high on confidence, the most positive outlook and frankly actual cricket skills, was raring to go with the delightful Thumbelina (Fingers’ girlfriend) on debut to support. Also on debut: Crabs/Crabbies, from the line of Trash, positioned as a terrific bloke, average cricketer : canny marketing from Trash. Crabs would only deliver upside from this initial positioning.

Enter stage left: Chef, our resident antipodean wildcard, who met Fingers with the chilling phrase, “Let me smell ’em,” and an aura that suggested both deep cricketing wisdom and mild parole conditions. Nicknamed, with minimal political correctness, Cheffrey Epstein, the man exudes both danger and a love of Borat, always 2 seconds from an apology (on this occasion to Thumbelina)

some enjoyed the Sun’s legendary Roast Beef Sandwich with Roasties

So after the pre-match preparations, the casual amble across to Dunsfold cricket ground, we found we would be batting first on a pitch that looked like a sandpapered trampoline. Pirate and Kamikaze strolled out with all the confidence of men unaware of how often they'd be hit in the chest. Pirate, eschewing a helmet in the most Yorkshire of ways, played like Brian Close with a death wish and a top hand made of oak. Balls leapt like salmon, then skittered like pucks. He was eventually run out for 24, declaring that singles were “no way for a man to live” and pointing out a bruise “on his tits.” Kamikaze matched his partner with a fast and stylish 24, smashing half-volleys before falling to one that rolled under his bat with the enthusiasm of a limbo stick. Crabs debuted with poise and a technique that utterly betrayed his humble billing, only to edge behind for 4.

Kwakka and Fingers now at the wicket, Fingers was able to pick up exactly where he left off, dispatching bad balls and even worse balls for 4s and 6s. Kwakka was back in the shed after 14, owed to another one that shot along the ground. A minor middle-order collapse of regular top performers, Trash and Beetle, for 6 and 10 respectively, meant Cat needed to steady the ship while Fingers did his thing.

Do his thing, he most certainly did, racing to 50 quickly and incurring a mandatory retirement, leaving Pobs and Cat at the wicket together and the odds of a run-out decreasing from 80-1 to 4-6.

Fingers retires on 50

Despite the heightened risk, Cat worked the ball around for 9 before being bowled, bringing Motty to the crease to delight the crowds with a fast 14, including a 6 into the road with the on-drive. Pobs, caught and bowled, left Chef at the wicket to welcome back Fingers after his declaration. 180 felt like a decent score. A few more blows from Fingers before a looped catch to the WK from Chef on 2, and that was the Peckers’ innings : all out for 183. 

Dunsfold’s faithful support team provided sandwiches of impeccable structure, brownies of structural integrity, and fruitcake so potent it may have technically been a performance enhancer. Motty, never a man to overlook a pairing, had brought a chilled Pinot Noir. Two more jugs of Tilford Hankley Gold fetched by Beetle and Fingers were accompanied by five packs of scampi fries — It was almost as if he could sense the theme of the report and wanted to cement his nickname…or maybe he just loves Scampi

Fingers and Thumb…-elina, and said Scampi Fries

Time for the Woodpeckers to field. Opening up, Beetle and Motty were looking to extract the same inconsistency of bounce with brisk pace and a consistent length.Motty cleaned up opener St Aubyn. Beetle induced a catch to Pobs, who took it as if haunted by the ghost of missed catches past (redemption for Porto) and another grab later. Motty would finish with 2-22 (you must say it in that voice), and Beetle, incentivised by the classic “one more if you get a wicket” clause, clawed his way to 2-45.

Fielding  traditionally a suggestion, not a requirement ,was elevated by Fingers’ infectious energy behind the stumps and Crabs’ magnetism. The ball found him like he owed it money. Catches were held (!), dives were attempted (!!), and Chef... well, Chef dropped one, and two sharper chances. But with comic timing.

He wears it well

That said, the match moved into an interesting phase. Despite the brisk fall of wickets, Dunsfold were not just keeping up with the run rate , they were ahead of it. Four wickets down after 9 overs on 63, Chef and Cat failed to get a breakthrough and Dunsfold found themselves at 103 for 4 after 17 overs thanks to a middle-order partnership from Watkins and Richardson. This meant 80 runs from 18 overs with six wickets in hand.

(Pob’s paragraph) At this point just before drinks I was worried -a fair amount of Beer(and Pinot) had been drunk and Dunsfold were well ahead of the rate. At the Lord’s pre season net, Kwakka having previously been a spinner had revealed some tidy medium pace, and sure enough he got that all-important breakthrough, another great juggled stumping from Fingers standing up.

From Back L-R Beetle, Kami, Crabs, Traash, Pob, Cat, Chef, Thumbelina, Fingers, Kwakka, Otto, Pirrate

Another bowling change from the top end saw Trash inevitably take another wicket and momentum shift back to the Peckers. Once Watkins was bowled with a stinker from Kwakka, Dunsfold’s chase looked over. Two more quick wickets from Trash and Kwakka, and it left just one wicket remaining.

Pob- stinker??? Kwakka bowled an absolutely impeccable spell , can’t remember a bad ball and ended with 4 overs , 3 maidens, 3 wickets for ONE RUN!!

Middle Stump! A bonnet-ted Beetle can only admire

Drinks always gets a wicket , just before the break in the 17th over, an average ball from Kwakka and some smart glove work from Fingers stumped Richardson, and Dunsfold were 5 down.. Enter Pirate, with his unique lunar-tuned spin, and a fine catch from Motty in the deep. Dunsfold were all out for 121. Three Wins in a row for the Peckers!

Back to The Sun Inn for a few more Hankley Golds, salty snacks and speeches. The sun was setting as Pobs provided some kind words on 20 years of playing at Dunsfold, bringing things up to date with a finely justified Man of the Match award for Fingers, applause for Thumbelina (who really hadn’t expected to be so involved), and a special mention for Crabs’ perfect debut.Chef, of course, retained the Jester’s Hat, which now feels like part of his tax status.

This isn’t just a team. It’s a movement. If Manchester United had the Class of ’92, the Woodpeckers have 2025, a golden generation of good blokes, strong drinks, bad knees, and great Sundays.

Long may it continue.

Fingers enjoys his Man of the Match Sambuca

Hampshire Hogs

Match Report: Peckers vs Hampshire Hogs

Venue: The Hampshire Hogs CC
Date: A glorious Sunday in May
Match Type: Timed game

On one of those rare English mornings that make you forget winter ever existed, 11 bright-eyed Peckers (plus a delayed but enthusiastic Pobsy) gathered at what is widely considered the crown jewel of our fixture list- the Hampshire Hogs’ ground. With its rolling countryside, lush outfield, and bucolic charm, it was the perfect backdrop for the 11th edition of this spirited clash. A fixture steeped in narrative and history, though not one overly kind to the travelling side: just 3 wins to 7 defeats before this latest chapter.

Knowing the odds and the importance of fielding a full-strength team, our regular skipper graciously stepped aside. In his place, Henry “Bomber” Walpole took over as stand-in captain, with calm authority and a hint of understated chaos. The team had a youthful feel - all under the age of 33 save for loyal club legends Motty and Henners, who bring as much tradition as they do talent.

The Toss & The Task Ahead

As is customary in this fixture, the toss was lost, and unsurprisngly we were asked t bowl in what would be our only times game of the season - a real test of discipline, patience and cricketing mettle. The start time of 11.30am arrived with the sun shining, the birds chirping, and two familiar figures take the new ball: Spinach (Just Chris) and Motty.

A wonderful setting for a day of chaos, lunchtime delights and the birth of a Pecker cult hero.

Spinach, bowling with the kind of pace and aggression you dream of, applied early pressure with a fiery spell that deserved far more than a wicketless return. His misfortune with edges falling short or evading the fielders became a running theme early on. Meanwhile, Motty - after a few tentative starts - found his rhythm, and like a vintage diesel engine warmed into a glorious groove, picking up two key wickets and troubling the Hogs with movement and guile.

It was behind the stumps where the first spark of brilliance came: a sharp catch from Freddie Fingers, our charismatic new wicketkeeper who has quickly become a cult favourite. He would go on to have an unforgettable game.

A Chaotic Mid-Morning & A Bowling MasterclaSS

Just as the momentum began to build, we were reduced to 10 as Greasy made an early exit to prepare the much-anticipated lunchtime paella. The umpires - both amusingly named Malcolm - weren’t particularly pleased. “You are taking the piss, aren’t you?” and “He’s really f***ed us here,” were among the more memorable soundbites drifting from the square. Fortunately, the arrival of Pobsy (who had pre-arranged a sub fielder) restored us to a full contingent, bounding onto the field with the enthusiasm of a retriever reunited with it favourite ball.

The Hog’s top order, although aesthetically pleasing in their strokes, were seemingly stuck in first gear - the product of fine private school technique perhaps, but lacking any kind of bite. Enter the Magic Carpet, the much-hyped left-arm debutante from the Beetle family tree. Mocked early as ‘Sleeves’ for donning his school jumper in 22-degree heat, he soon silenced everyone with a spell that will live long in club folklore. 9 overs, 4 wickets for just 14 runs - a debut to savour. His ability to change pace, whilst maintaining excellent line and length will be the envy of many Peckers, and moving the ball both ways left the Hogs clueless.

Partnering him from the other end was Tweaker, cousin of Trash and leg-spinner of rare skill. Despite his youth, his maturity was evident in every over. Finishing with 2 for 12 off his 9, he choked the Hog’s innings with a combination of control and clever variation.

At lunch, the Hogs were reeling at 86-7 - a staggering turnaround and testament to a remarkable passage of bowling.

Majorly regretting his offer of home made paella

Lunch: More Than Just a Meal

Since Covid Hogs only supply tea and the previous lavish lunches disappeared. The Peckers have made it their mission to restore this tradition, supplying and cooking a delicious BBQ a few years ago. The newcomers joining the whatsapp group must have wondered if we were playing cricket as the chat centred on what we were going to have for lunch and who was bringing the port. Greasy volunteered his Chicken Chorizo and King Prawn Paella and it was nothing short of culinary excellence. To complement it, a fine cheese, chutney and port selection courtesy of Motty and Cat’s Port added an aristocratic touch. Captain Bomber had very kindly sponsored the massive Paella enjoyed by Peckers. Hogs, officials and spectators alike so spirits were high, bellies full, and the game, for once, seemed our to lose.

Unfortunately for Cat, lunch marked his peak. Pre-lunch, he had become a magnet for both dropped catches and bruises, enduring a torrid session in the slips that left many questioning the continued selection of his “moob hands” in the cordon.

Cat was first in the queue for lunch…..shock

The Fightback & Final Flourish

By ten minutes after lunch the Magic Carpet had secured his fourth wicket and Fingers had taken five catches. This is a double-debutante record that will never be broken, and endorsed Pob’s decision to warm the bench. The Hogs, predictably, then dug in, attempting to post a competitive total.

Henners, ever the showman and franchise-style cricketer, brought himself on to break the monotony - and did just that. With support from a wicket from Greasy, the innings was finally wrapped up for 171 off 54 overs, with Khajit Sharma left 54 not out in just under 2 hours

The Magic Carpet and Magic Fingers posing with their proud Pecker daddy Beetle

The Chase Begins: From Cruise Control to Classic Collapse

With 172 the target, Beetle and Greasy began brightly. Though the Hogs opened with serious pace, both batsmen found a way. Greasy, often accused of impatience, surprised everyone with a well-measured knock of 39. At 74-1, things looked routine.

Then came the inevitable. Three wickets in as many overs. Beetle bowled, Merry cleaned up by a peach for a strong 20. Bomber gone too. From 74-1 to 78-4. The dreaded Pecker collapse was on. I had to hastily interrupt a game of Boules to get padded up.

Thankfully, cousins Trash and Tweaker stabilised the innings. Tweaker, though soon bowled by a spinning beauty, had helped swing momentum back. In came Fingers….

Fingers: The Showman

What followed was an exhibition. Laughing his way to the crease, relaxed as if in a Sunday net, Fingers dismantled the Hog’s bowling with a flurry of cuts, drives and flamboyant stokes. He smashed four consecutive boundaries through point, accelerating the chase and lifting the team’s morale.

With one run needed and Trash on 47*, Fingers offered the ultimate team gesture - to see out the over so Trash could reach his fifty. However, the very next ball Fingers danced down the track, going against his word, and sealed the game with a lofted boundary. Win by five wickets. Cult status confirmed. A true Pecker was born!

Two Teams enjoy the last of the sunshine

Final Thoughts

In the end, the Peckers chased down 172 with confidence, chaos, and a lot of character. It was a day for debutants, veterans, and cult heroes. A day of laughter, camaraderie, and proper cricket. A day we’ll all remember. We gathered as the Peckers won back the Gette Cup, in loving memory of Christopher Bazalgette who set up the fixture with Otto.

Special thanks to Greasy for his unforgettable paella, and to Bomber. Motty, and Cat for elevating the mid-game dining experience. Could this be the beginning of a winning juggernaut?

We move on to Dunsfold on Sunday. The story continues……

Result -Woodpeckers 175-5 beat Hampshire Hogs 171 all out by 5 wickets

https://hampshirehogs.play-cricket.com/website/results/7032833

Ripley

There are few fixtures more familiar — or fondly anticipated — than Ripley. Over 70 years of visiting the same lovely ground, soaking up the tradition, and testing ourselves on a pitch that stubbornly refuses to hand out runs. It’s become a true Woodpeckers institution, and this year was no different. Ripley fielded a quietly strong side, a mixture of 1s and 2s players with not a junior or oldster in sight.

Chef turned up in this….and was awrded Bonnet for ‘drop-out’ offences

We bowled first, opening with Spinach and Tiddles, who set the tone immediately. Spinach, our Pecker of the Year, delivered a probing spell with his usual blend of accuracy and menace, conceding very little and finishing with a lovingly sent beamer to round it off. Tiddles was no less stingy at the other end, picking up a deserved wicket in the process of gathering figures of 1-13 from his 7 overs. 

Chef entered the fray next, having earlier arrived dressed in full Guy Ritchie chic — a shell suit ensemble that left the Ripley crowd blinking in disbelief. Last ball of his second over-he’d gone for 13 and Skipper mulling as we needed a wicket at 79-3. Khan smashed one high to deep mid-off where Tiddles is standing. The ball dropped, missed his hands but landed in the comforting embrace of his left tit — and stuck. No hands required, no movement needed. Possibly the safest part of the ground all day. This was a turning point as Chef swapped style for substance, delivering a crafty spell of spin full of guile and control. earning figures of 3-21.

from back row L-R Chef, Spinach, Levers, Beetle, Cat, Novichok. (Horse and GG cheer squad), Kamikaze, Smeagol and Myrtle, Bumpy, Tiddles, Pobsy

Cat, last to arrive — slipping through the gate during the first over — eventually joined the bowling attack, charging in with pace from the favoured end and letting loose a few that really zipped. Dunger bowled with hostility and presence, while Novichok threw in his usual cocktail of liquorice allsorts and landed a deserved breakthrough. 

Out in the field, Groundskeeper was as committed as ever, Myrtle kept morale higher than our batting average, and Pobsy captained with astute calm — frequently adjusting the field with tactical precision, almost always just after the ball had gone exactly where he moved it from.  

Ripley made steady progress but never broke free due to some strong fielding and bowling, allowing the bonnet to gather dust in April. We eventually bowled them out for 145 exactly the total we chased in our last match against Ripley. The fielding was excellent and the bonnet gathered dust in a faultless display

Tea followed, and it was a solid affair: quiche, cheese and pickle sandwiches, a forest of jam tarts, and a rare but welcome appearance from Battenberg cake. As is customary, only the fruit remained untouched. The first ball of the batting season was caught on video

The chase began with early stutters. Cat, having already secured the bonnet for arriving mid-over, opened the batting and was gone before anyone could properly sit down. Bumpy, whose work behind the stumps had been tidy if unspectacular, couldn’t find traction with the bat either..

Our Opening pair of Bumpy Cat before they magically transformed into a brace of Mallards

Levers came in to join his great mate and Pecker Daddy Kamikaze with the score at 4-2, but was undaunted smashing four boundaries in a fluent 20, before edging one. 42-2. Then the wheels came off. Beetle and Novichok seemed unhappy at being left out of the ‘Ducks’ club and made it a very unappealing four quackers in the top six batsmen. Smeagol managed 3 at least, but no-one seemed to want to stay with Kamikaze. They would rather impersonate the pilot by giving their wickets away, Kami stood tall amid the wobble, playing an elegant and authoritative 59 — full of timing, placement and serenity. Eventually he could bear the solitude no longer, and after 12 boundaries this happened, cruelly captured by Smeagol umpiring

 We were now in real trouble at 71-6, facing a decent bowling attack on a minefield of a pitch. Spinach and Pobsy scrambled to double figures at least. Tiddles, fresh and slightly lame from a standout bowling shift and chest-based catch of the year, was run out by his skipper in a moment of tragic Pecker inevitability.

a few choice expletives may have been muttered

Chef tried to stabilise things at the end, but the required rate and the weight of the collapse proved too much. We were all out for 114, 31 runs short. 

Horse and Gigi arrived for the final hour, bringing energy and noise. Kamikaze, pint in hand post-match, began explaining what civil engineering actually involves — at which point Gigi interjected with characteristic clarity: “So… you don’t even do the drawings?” One of the day’s sharper reads. 

The bonnet stayed fixed on Cat’s head from first over to last sandwich — his late arrival uncontested, his overall contribution typically Cat. 

A game of two halves -a brilliant bowling and fielding display, followed by the kind of volume of Duck that causes one to order extra pancakes and hoi sin sauce. . Ripley played well and deserved the win — but the Pecker spirit, as ever, was irrepressible.and the kind of camaraderie that keeps us coming back. 

Onward.

Our Ripley men of Match Chef ‘n’ Kami caught in a loving embrace. The third hero Tiddles was jealously icing his left titty in the changing room

Sanderstead

Sanderstead, a beautiful cricket ground, just south of Croydon, (Can I say that in the same sentence), was the destination of the Woodpeckers second game of the 2025 season, on a beautiful warm mid Spring Sunday.   

The annual post match curry was the enticement to gather a great flock of Peckers, although as many arrived at the ground for an earlier than normal 12.30pm start, a few were, following the previous night’s revelries, far from thinking about a curry after the game!

Now Alan Hansen famously said ‘You win nothing with kids’, but there a quintet of 14 year olds were about to put that theory to the test. It had been a quiet few decades for the age group since Mozart wrote his first opera at that age and Nadia Comeneci scored a 10.0 at the Olympics. But 4000 miles away on a different cricket pitch 14-year-old Vaibhav Suryavanshi announcedhimself as a global megastar with the second fastest ever century in the IPL in just 35 balls.

Back in Sanderstead a quartet of home-grown 14-year olds were about to make life very difficult for the Peckers.Pirrate and Mama Cass opened the innings, our first games of the season, with talk on the way to the crease about how we just wanted to get a run on the board and stop feeling so hungover!

Sanderstead opened up with a spinner, which certainly did not make the openers feel anymore alive!  Pirrate was bowled, out for a 9 ball 9 by the 14-year-old Jake Cronin, then quickly followed back to the lovely Sanderstead pavilion by Felix, (scoring 2, to ensure an average for the season). It was a Golden, first ball of the season, duck for Mama Cass, albeit it was in the 4th over of the day, leaving the Peckers 16-3., with young Jake Cronin on his wqay to 2-22 

Some debate ensued on the boundary about whether Mama had achieved a Diamond Duck, but Tiddles put us straight that was being out without facing a ball. 

Moleman, carrying a slight groin strain from a game the day before, and Trash, steadied the ship, and got us back on track for a score that we hoped would get us over 200 from our allocated 35 overs. 

Sanderstead then started to rotate the bowling with the more “experienced” leg spinners taking an end each, which led Trash to opening up the shoulders and reach 51 by the 14th over. He then had to retire as the skippers agreed we would have too much for Sanderstead before we started, but after the first 4 overs this seemed like a bad ask! (More to come on this later)

Trash then spent the rest of the innings on the sidelines telling everyone that once he was back in he would get us well over the 200 par score we needed…..! 

Wickets continued to fall at a too frequent rate and Chef was soon nowhere to be found, after going to charge his car…..or at least that’s what he told us. So Snax, was now padded up, ready to go in at 9, as the Peckers fell to 116 for 5 and Trash retired. 

Greasy managed a few hefty blows to reach 18 before being bamboozled by the extra slow leg spin and thinking about the multiple strokes he could play and then got caught behind playing none of them!

Moleman continued to slowly accumulate some runs and eventually also got to his 50, before going back in at the end and finishing with 60 Not Out.

Unfortunately, he was now batting with Tiddles, as Trash had gone back in, with the Peckers now only 157 with 7 overs left, to get our par score of 200, but had the same issue as Greasy and ended up skying his first ball up in the air to be caught without adding to his 51 from earlier. 

The tail had not wagged, albeit Snax was triggered by Greasy Goldfinger, when looking a valuable watch for the onlooking crowd and Peckers squad!  Peckers all out in 29.2 overs for just 169. Some way short of what we thought was a par score. Sanderstead’s 14-year-old leg spinner Sam Hiscock wrapping up the innings finishing with 3 for 8 from 3.2 overs. 

The Peckers were certainly not confident as we sat around eating a wonderful tea, likely the best on the circuit, especially the strawberry scones, which were a particular delight on such a lovely sunny day.

Lovely to be back with old friends Sanderstead

Things got no better. The two opening batters for Sanderstead, skipper Palfrey and Elleray, got off to a great start and only when Chef was brought on and Palfrey holed out to Trash in the deep for 47, did we get our first wicket, Sanderstead 87 for 1 in the 15th over. One over of which had gone for 16 from Greasy, who thought beamers were the only thing that would help our cause! 

Drinks taken, with somber discussion of going for the curry early ensued and we slowly went back to our fielding expecting it all over in the next 8-10 overs.        

However Chef was now on a roll, Pobsy switching him to up the hill and finding a really nice length that started to really tie one end up. Trash came on downhill and runs started to really dry up for Sanderstead, once opener Elleray had retired. Wickets were also now falling at.a reasonable rate, although some of us were worried of the Opener coming back in to finish the job. Chef and Trash combined to take 4-49 from there 14 overs. We were back in the game, if we could make dot balls our friend! 

Back came Tiddles in to the attack, rumbling up the small hill, his run up, getting shorter and harder every ball, but the miserly opening bowler ended with 1-19 with 2 maidens in his 7 overs. The Peckers could smell a first win of the season in the offing! 

Cat and Greasy came back in to bowl and both made up for there earlier batting challenges and bowling spell respectively, to really twist the game in our favour, with Cat collecting 2 late wickets. Sanderstead falling short at 154. 

Snax perked up after drinks was keen to tell Dan the Cameraman how his 0-18 had played a pivotal role

A remarkable come back from the Peckers, who were dead and buried at drinks in the 2nd innings, but with our Skipper Pobsy, consistent in his approach, ensuring we were all on it in the field, pushing back on the many Pecker suggestions and getting us over the line! 

The scribes MOM was Tiddles for his very tight, cornettoless bowling but ultimately Trash and Moleman had provided us a score to defend, especially when our 4th highest scorer was byes! It was also wonderful to see the 14-year-olds make such a valuable contribution and gave us consolation that our great game is alive and well.

The day finished with a lovely trip up to the Panahar and the annual curry, accompanied by Aesch representing Sanderstead and giving Pobsy an opportunity to provide plentiful of stories of old. The chat was about how we had come back in the game and what the summer ahead was going to be like. No game next week, but a trip to Hampshire Hogs is next up and many were excited at the prospect! 

Peckers Up!

Here are the 20-minute highlights wonderfully filmed and edited by Dan

2025 Woodpeckers Annual Dinner and Awards

It was wonderful to celebrate another fun and exciting cricket season for the Woodpeckers. My annual task and pleasure is to re-read the match reports from the season. The first report was from last year’ dinner and told a wonderful story of a record-breaking season and we which we won 10 games in a row, 7 to start the season and a highest ever margin of Victory .. I knew that I didn't have quite the material to work with in terms of success on the pitch but we'd still had tremendous fun doing it.

We did set one record very early in the season by arranging the club’s very first ever overseas tour f to Oporto Cricket and Lawn Tennis Club in April. I'd been trying to arrange it for seven years that had been stymied by covid etc. The tour was a wonderful occasion and will make it an objective to record some photos and stories on the website at some stage . John ‘Ducky’ Peters became we think the oldest pecker on record at 76(and still playing golf off nine), and there was also a 62 year age gap between himself and wheezy aka Vlad the inhaler.

When a wandering club has a record breaking season and publishes wonderful match reports to celebrate the fact, they better watch out for the following year. Our hosts remember and field much stronger teams and we struggled badly for a nasty patch in the summer. Tilford, Blackheath and Barnes Common all clubs we have a personal connection with fielded three of the strongest teams I can remember playing against. So we went to Marlow on August 4th trying to avoid a new record of seven losses in a row.Trash had brought a few ringers to help including Tweaker and Djogo. Woodpecker match reports are an excellent part of the season started by our wonderful LP and we honor the finest with the Pecker Pulitzer Prize. The writer for this Marlow game scribed a beauty.

Headmaster Twinkle receives the Pecker Pulitzer Prize

I will let the Headmaster tell the story from here.. Peckers batting 1st …’ cometh the hole, cometh the Mole! sure enough, in strode our talpidaeic hero to scratch a guard, adjust his sights, and commence what was to be his great dig. The first part of his rescue act was Rootish in its numbers with plenty of 1s and 2s with the odd boundary-finder thrown in for good measure While Moley tapped away at the bowler’s figures, Tweaker went for the heavy artillery, starting with a lovely cover drive for 4, before firing off several shells in the direction of the pavilion and river. Soon enough, though, the opening bowler Aslam had him caught off a feisty one for a threatening but short-lived 17; Aslam was now well warmed up and firing rockets himself.let off some big shots before missing a straight one which kept low, he claimed.-he added 8 and the Peckers opening gambit stood at 76 for 5 off the first 20 overs. ’ .,

‘Marlow may have been forgiven for thinking this was going to be a slow morning. They had dealt with the Trash after all, but were not expecting at this point a visit from the Milkman, who stole in quietly and began to take liberties with their domestic arrangements. The glass that seemed half empty began to look half full as Milky Milky and Moley Moley began to churn out the runs in udderly irrepressible fashion . Deggsy compiled a classy 19 in a 10-over partnership that was to be the bedrock to the innings and Moley gave the Umpire Shep something to smile about with a final score of 111’

This fine century helped break the sequence and was a big part of Moleman's 351 runs for the season scored at 43 and more than double the next highest run scorer. He scored 349 runs in 2022 and 357 runs in 2023 so incredible consistency from our own run machine and pecker batting Cup winner Moleman

Traash hands over the batting cup to his former alarm clock, the Mole

The disheveled cousin of the pecker Batting Cup is the ferret award. Tail Enders were traditionally referred to as rabbits or bunnies but in old hunting days they used to send the ferrets in after the rabbits! A couple of players were lucky to have not played enough games to qualify. Multi -ferret-award winner Potty dropped from 2.67 to 2, and Mama Cass in his first two games managed an average of 0.5. In the full averages it was extremely close the reigning champion Snax boosted his average from 1.7 to 4.7 and was just ahead of Otto on 4.5. This year we have an Australian ferret, whh just lost out..7 innings 13 runs at 4.3 Chefrey Epstein

The Audrey Scovell Award goes to someone who supports the club wholeheartedly. Dupa has been incredibly generous sponsoring many Peckers Events, food at the Christmas do, a generous contribution today and threw his entire kit bag in for the raffle. He’s a top bloke and we are delighted to present him with this special award.

A new award the Liam Payne memorial award to the ‘party animal’ of the club. Pirrate and Horse were well nominated for their all-day binges at sporting events. When going through the reports most had photos of a horribly hungover Traash lying by the pitch exhausted. It’s been said he doesn’t do things by halves by managed to half his batting average and double his bowling. It’s been said the Trash is only going in ‘One Direction’ but he assures me he’s on a new health-kick for the 2025 season and determined to get the returns his talents merit

He loves pricey Smints

There is a lot to be done running the club and the Kindly Bueno award recognises those who have helped shoulder the load. Otto with printouts and fixture list, Moleman doing a great job on Play-Cricket and the Cat managing the Kit and Engraving duties. He gets a special bar for being the Kit Kat (Chunky)

The Clubman Award remembers Chris Rossi, a wonderful man we miss dearly. This year’s winner encapsulates the spirit of Rossi, as like Rossi he’s generally the first man to the bar (even when a student) and takes an enthusiastic interest in all his team-mates. He is also loved by all and a great Clubman, Groundskeeper Smeagol

After an all-day ‘lunch’ with Cat he got a bit carried away supping from the Cup -no damage done thankfully

We welcomed a number of wonderful new Peckers to the family in 2024. Plant and Princess the first fruits of the Mole Tree, Mama and Bison from that fruitful Spinach branch and Plotto and Scampi late in his jeans. This chap is the dashing svelte and talented cousin of Le Chat. Ollie ‘Beetle’ Dunger bowled sharply taking 5 wickets and making 100 runs in his two games. He was also delighted to win the grand prize of Dupa’s bat in the Raffle(which was brilliantly managed by the Old Horse)

Beetle was unlucky not have the qualifying criteria for the Owen-Browne Bowling Cup as were Smeagol with his 9 wickets at 5.2 and Potty with is 5 at 6. Sadly the averages proper didn’t match last year’s stellar bowling though. Spinach and Traash both got 14 wickets in the low 20s.

There was a turning point for Snax as he emerged from the bus at Latymer. He was enraged as he claimed a youngster sitting next to him on the bus has stolen his weed tin. We bowled first and as he was still furious but of remarkably clear eyes, so I gave him the new cherry to let off some steam. Hee bowled a beautiful spell, mesmerising the batsmen with full swinging deliveries. He took a brace of wickets four times and ended top of the bowling averages with 11 wickets at 20.

The motley cousin of the O-B cup is the Mr Kipling Buffet award. The Greasy Cat served up some tasty buffet but the clear winner. He was last year’s most improved player but the coaching wore off and perhaps distracted by turning 30 and proposing to Swedie, 2-145 -a 73 average at a mouthwatering 7.42.

There were some great catches to remember last season. Snax’s vital stinger in Game 2 off a hobbling Tiddles, Borgav’s one-hander at Ham. Novichok took a ‘diving in the dirt’ beauty to bring up Groundskeeper’s first 5-for at Kew was especially memorable for the riotous celebration that ensued. This Yorkshireman took two beauties including a nonchalant one-handed caught and bowled at Latymer

The Portuguese Tourist Board ‘Tourist of the Year’ award had many nominations , all for the apres-ski rather than the Cricket. Pirrate poured a lot of surplus money into the economy and in the midst of this frenzy Tiddles turned to him and said ‘This is a great way to spend my wedding anniversary’ He hit the biggest forehands at Padel and hoovered Cornettos, the lovable Tiddles

The Ducky Cup ‘underachievement’ award was inaugurated last year by Le Chat to honour his friend Merry’s tough year. Merry almost retained the trophy but made 49 in ‘that tie’ at Kew and his fellow-hobbit Pippin made a bid with 3 innings at 6. This year it goes to a ‘recognised’ all-rounder Otto who recorded the unfortunate stat of his bowling average of 45.5 being exactly 10 times that of his batting (4.5)

The room at the Avalon was lovely, the service excellent and the food absolutely delicious. We’ve uncovered a gem for future dinners

Our Chef congratulating their Chef.

Time for the big award of the night the Woodpecker of the year. This Chap was incredibly lucky not to win last year when he took 16 wickets at 11.26. This year he took another 11, and a captain’s knock of 43* at Ham. He has introduced many fine Peckers to the club including Mama, Bison and Lightning this year. He’s always cheerful. loves the club and is very supportive of the Skipper. The 2024 Pecker of the Year is Spinach aka Espinaga and Chris.

Spinach receives the trophy from incumbent Muttley