Follies Farm

This fixture came about due to a dropped catch by Ollie Bell at the Oval during the 2023 Test between England and Australia. From the Mid 2000s the Woodpeckers enjoyed a special relationship with Dunsfold, where we played our first Peckers Peckers, enjoying long breaks between the innings at Chateau Potter for BBQ and Swimming.

Ollie had been the captain during this period with his sons also playing, and he suggested moving us to the August Bank Holiday playing under the incredible Wings and Wheels Air Show. Ollie moved on, but we stayed in contact and I was watching the BBC Highlights of that Oval Ashes game and witnessed Ollie hilariously failing to take a one-handed crowd catch in front of his cowering daughters (didn’t spill his beer).

A crestfallen Ollie

I texted Ollie to say I’d just seen him and he very kindly invited me to the next day at the Oval which I enjoyed with his family. He told me about Follies Farm, gave me the fixtures secretary’s details and here we are.

We had really looked forward to our first game at this beautiful private cricket ground just outside Chiddingfold owned by a Kiwi Butcher Guy Gibson. The business ‘Provenance Village Butcher’ provides top-end meats and very successful. We’d been advised Follies would be strong but sadly in the week leading up we lost a number of the Prime Ribs of our batting lineup to Wedding, Work, Pedalo Trips and Plane Ticket mishaps. We managed to find some Game replacements including Ollie’s son Seb ‘Tinker’ Bell, Princess and Farmer Steve.

I insisted Follies bat first as I wanted to make our debut a decent game and thought we may be lambs to the slaughter on a green wicket. We’d heard that Follies were kindred spirits, and they were enjoying a jug of beer when we arrived.

Freddie Fingers, Tolga and two other wizards pedalo’d from Europe to Africa on Sunday and raised over £6500 for Prostate Cancer

Tom Gibson brother of our kindly host and also in the Butcher business found the meat of his own bat from ball one, smoking several through the covers. Spinach and Tiddles opened well, beating the bat, and struck some legs but got ‘Baaaa’ from the umpires. The score rattled along at a brisket rate, but Spinach was rewarded and removed Harry Griffiths who gloved an edge from a juicy delivery that thudded into Tid’s Rib-cage at second slip and stuck, the second catch he’s taken it that tender area this season.

Cat bowled decently but a brace of 9 ball overs kept us from the feast, and didn’t help our bill of fare. Kiwi Tom and father Ben Griffiths briskly put on a 100 partnership. It was only when Seb ‘Tinker’ Bell came into the attack that we cut back the rate. Seb has a sumptuous action and controlled his length excellently. At the beginning of his 3rd over he requested his 1st ‘Tinker’ bringing Long On up to tempt Ben Griffith to go aerial. Next ball Ben did exactly that and Princess took a great catch at Mid On. I love it when a nickname is cemented!

Our fielding and bowling was generally prime -Kwakka’s glove-work was very clean but had little chance with two edges standing up and one down the leg-side. Cat did cough up a fur-ball when Tom Gibson was on 98 ultimately collapsing under thundering hooves. Tom made a Filet Mignon of a hundred as he carved and slaughtered our bowling, also chopping to third man with delicacy akin to the ‘Provenance Village Butcher’.

Spin is getting married in a couple of weeks to the lovely Avocado and in his last over the heckle of ‘last chance to take a wicket as a single man!’ worked well. Tom struck hard and low to the deep mid-wicket boundary where Tinker did not chicken out and took a great catch. Sauer_kraut was served a beauty and bowled for a golden duck and our blonde betrothee was on a hat-trick, but sadly the larder was bare.

226-6 was a decent total on a tricky wicket, but could have been a lot worse.Tea was delicious in it’s simplicity. Cheeseburgers with all the trimmings, washed down by Ale and followed by Tea and Cake

L-R Kwakka, Tinker, Cat, Pobsy, Spinach, Farmer, Princess, Pirrate, Chefrey, Tiddles, Pippin

We needed a good start, against a strong attack. Sadly Cat still had a tender loin and completed a tough day with a Duck a L’Orange. Princess was unlucky as he drove cleanly to a brilliant catch at silly mid-off and also chose Duck from the menu. Pippin not keen to be caught on the block struck two boundaries but then returned to the shire, and Kwakka batted well for 19. Farmer Barleymow only arrived after tea, perhaps trying to protect his livestock and I joined him at 40-5. We rested for a while but my old nemesis Ollie got me to an offal shot and Farmer ploughed 19. I took out a large jug of ale at the break, hoping a Drunken Calf may be introduced to the attack.

All of our bowlers had been dear bar Tinker and Spinach who had trimmed the scoring and went for just 3 an over(and took wickets). They now formed a great little partnership of 40-odd with Seb the Tinker galloping swiftly. Spin was almost lapped at one stage.Suddenly there was a mix up and poor Tinker was left hung, drawn and quartered and had to trudge his wares back to the pavilion for a decent 26.

Chefrey loved all the meat and was ready to go downtown and be a hero

Tiddles managed to secure the last portion of Duck, not a day for the feline species (bit Stringy). Chef went downtown once and then ticked in once too often and the shop was closed - All-Out for 114. Spinach garnished his day as he got to carry his bat to the altar not out 17 completed an excellent day for him and Seb ‘Tinker’ Bell. They were the T-Bone of the team, supported by a string of sausages.

Follies Farm brought home the bacon, but we stayed on and enjoyed some more beer, pizza and chat with ta delightful bunch looking forward to hosting us next year. Thanks to Ollie for connecting us and his lovely family for chipping in and helping make it a chateaubriand of a day.

Ten Bells including Hugo (cousin David’s long lost son) bottom right who was a wonderful sub fielder for an absent farmer.

Pirrate getting ready to go ‘oop town

Ollie in his heyday steaming down the hill to Borgav at Dunsfold under the Red Arrows

Teddington

It was with great fanfare we returned to the spiritual cricket home of many a wonderful Pecker. Well, there would have been fanfare had the majority turned up on time. As it was it was left to the Mutley Clan to start the afternoon in suitable fashion enjoying a beer on the Clubhouse Roof watching Teddington 1st 11 play Acton in the Semifinal of a cup competition, and soon we were joined by Bomber, Tiddles and Beetle.  Our wonderful skipper had moved the fixture too later in the season to try to avoid such issues but once again we were relegated to the second pitch, on the hill and with an outfield like a ploughed field.  The day was further compounded by a strong wind blowing straight down the ground and down the hill, this will come into play later apparently.

Once our 11 were all ensconced within the royal deer park, and had had a look at the interesting pitch and outfield that would be our home for the next few hours,  our skipper lost the toss and we were into bat on a day that threatened showers and sunshine. Thanks to our wonderful support from the Muttley, Henners, Tiddles and Spinach clans x

Great turnout from the Mutley clan -Zilli, Penelope Pitstop, Pitstop snr and lovely Harry

Bison and Mutley were sent into battle on the rather green topped surface and were soon facing some pretty good bowling from the Teddington openers, A. Talman and R. Kamakar, made all the more dangerous by the greenness of the surface, with some pretty unpredictable bounce.  Bison took the bull by the horns and was trying to charge the bowlers but like a good cat kept most of his lives with 2 catches dropped in 2 balls, which the fielders say they put down due to the wind. However, having seen the shine off the new ball, the 1st changes were made, and it seemed as if Teddington kept their best bowlers for this point. On came Rob Elliot up the hill, into the wind and his consistent line and length coupled with away swing resulted in Bison skying one for the bowler to make sure of. At the other end a 3rd team bowler, Kyle Winter (a Saffa who apparently couldn’t get into the 2nds or 1sts and wanted to let everyone know) came on with great pace and accuracy and soon did for Mutley. 67 for 2 off 11 wasn’t bad though.

However, this soon became 79 for 5 after a Mutley recruit (Anthony ‘Big Mac’ MacGowan – also possibly stato) came and went as did Mama and Bombers for 4 and 5 respectively. Standard Peckers fare really.

Beetle and Butternut at the crease though staged a resurgence with the former clattering 62 off 41 deliveries and Butternut being an able assistant until he let one through. POBS joined Beetle to keep the momentum going although the latter soon holed out trying to hit his 5th six over long off into the wind and up the hill.

Wolfgang Beetle was striking some real howitzers

Spinach joined POBS, albeit not for long as our skipper was stumped having walked away from his stumps and the Teddington skipper, not believing his luck as he had dropped the ball to begin with, gladly took the bails off. POBS was sure he had been bowled much to the amazement of the watching hoards.

Spinach and Tiddles saw the innings out to a respectable 232 for 8 from our 35 overs albeit as Stato MacGowan has taken control of the iPad, 12 runs, at least, attributed to Tiddles were in fact Spinach’s. It was his first Peckers outing and an easy mistake to make.

Big Strong Spionach clan tucking into tea -Bison, Butters and Mama

Tea was a wonderful affair or sandwiches, wraps, kebabs and cakes in this glorious new clubhouse, while some rain fell which gave the bowlers some hope of rattling through this Teddington team. However, things did not go to plan. The opening pair for Teddington, K. Maheswaren and O. Shenai, strode to the crease with Spinach steaming in down the hill with the wind and Tiddles trundling up the hill into the wind. Both bowlers did their best, but a combination of poor fielding and poor ground conditions meant the openers got a good start

From Back _zilli, Pobsy, Bison, Mama, Spinach, Beetle, Butters, Tid, Mutley, Harry, Big Mac,Henners and Sam

The Teddington no 2 went serenely on clocking up runs from every bowler put in front of him. Spinach bowled his 7 overs straight, Tiddles bowled 5 and then took a breather, Bison a quick 3 and other than the 1 wicket there was very little success. Then Beetle and Bomber came on and chances came and went with a number of difficult catches put down in the field, the ball seemingly following Bison around.

Our esteemed skipped did have the chance of the innings with an easy catching opportunity spurned with a high ball going straight through his hands. Once again, the wind was to blame.. Spinach then dealt with the matter himself by bowling the offending batsmen. Big Mac also had a torrid time behind the stumps with catches spilt and 26 byes and 11 wides going past him.

The Wedding Parties -newly married Butters and Swedie, and soon to be betrothed Spinach ‘n’ Avocado

Beetle then managed to get 2 pretty quick wickets with a caught behind and a caught and bowled before Spinach had the moment of the innings. The Teddington 3’s player, Mr Winter, had strode to the crease with intent to bring the game to an early conclusion. However, having hit the ball hard to point and set off for what he thought was an easy single, he was run out by a direct hit from the ever-enthusiastic Spinach.

We hoped this would trigger a collapse but we hadn’t reckoned on the 15 year old opener , Omkar Shenai, who kept accumulating runs and other than a further caught and bowled by Bomber, after a couple more spilled catches. None of the bowlers managed to haul back the rate as Teddington stayed on the target 7 an over throughout. The Teddington innings came to victory with an over to spare and the 15 year old batsmen finishing on 97 not out, their total 233 for 5 off 33.3.

Although this was a loss, this was a far more competitive match than we had had against this opposition of late and great to see the quality of the youth coming through again. Let’s just hope next year we can get back on the main square, where we belong!!!

HAC

There are few settings in the cricketing world more imposing than the Honourable Artillery Company Ground. Nestled amidst the towers of the City, its majestic outfield, a road of a pitch (more on that later), and a gaggle of Peckers set the stage for this declaration game of cricket. HAC, the oldest regiment in the British Army and considered the second-oldest military unit in the world, hosted its first game of cricket back in 1730. To play here is a privilege, so thanks must go to Fixtures Secretary Runky, coordinating as ever from Madeira, darling.

View from our changing rooms

The match was scheduled for 12:30 in declaration format. As of the previous day, we were still two players short thankfully Greasy stepped up, fresh from his five-for, and Fingers dragged along his pedalo mate Tolga, both of whom apparently plan to pedal their way from Spain to Africa. Ask them when you see them next. Hopefully after Peckers v Peckers. With XI confirmed at the final hour, the toss went up. POB called correctly and deferred to HAC, who elected to bowl  much to Trass’s delight, since it meant he could sneak a watch of Man City losing 2-0.

Greasy taking Fish N Chips orders…

Birthday boy Bison and Mole strode out with expectation after Bison’s knock at Kew. What followed was a rollercoaster of drama, resilience, and fireworks, ending with the Peckers posting a formidable 269 on what proved to be a road of a pitch, true for the most part, with the odd one keeping low.

It began with a jolt. Bison never looked comfortable and was bowled for just 6, his middle stump rattled and HAC celebrating. But if they thought they’d cracked the Peckers’ top order, they were wrong.

Fingers arrived and immediately took command after pulling his pants up. Crisp drives, brutal pulls, and an aura of control left HAC helpless. He raced to fifty, then powered on to a magnificent century, retiring on 100 to a round of photo ops  and perhaps in need of a fresh pair of trousers. He cracked open multiple cans of San Miguel, job emphatically done, a young Rod Marsh comes to mind. He rode is luck and was dropped twice, in cricket you create your own luck and today Fingers had it in spades.

Thankfully his pants were behaving

With the platform set, Mole dug in for a gritty 73. Where Fingers was flamboyant, Mole was measured, anchoring the innings until finally trapped LBW. His knock once again provided the backbone, a theme in a season where collapses have been all too familiar.

Mr Reliable.

The middle order flickered but faltered. Mama Cass, under scrutiny, answered with a battling 26 and five boundaries(Bison and Chef had given Mama Cass a net session so he didn’t choke out in the middle).Beetle looked dangerous before skying one for 19. Kwakka, bat still too heavy for a marsupial, perished playing the same shot that undid him at Brook for 2. Angry Greasy was run out for 9 after chaos in the middle. Enter Trass.

Trass, full of swagger, made 15 before another fiery send-off or should that be “BYE BYE”? History repeats: the same fate befell him here two years ago when he was told to “enjoy his day out.” POB chipped in 11 before his stumps were flattened, as he departed he told me to go downtown. Debutant Tolga etched his name in folklore with a streaky but glorious boundary first ball, he took guard exposing his stumps compounding the frustration for HAC. Chef rounded things out with a feisty 12, launching one “downtown” in a show of loyalty to Trass.

Tolga’s nick for four!

When the dust settled,  we had 269  built on Fingers’ brilliance and Mole’s grit, and Tolga’s edge for four.

Greasy,Chef,POB,Bison,Moleman

Mamma,Kwakka,Trass,VW,Fingers,Tolga

Tea Break

A mixture of sandwiches, vegan frittata, pâté, coleslaw, and a summer berry biscuit. Served not in the Queen’s Room, alas, but in the tent washed down with rose water and tea.

Our venue for Tea, not the Queens Room.

Set 269, HAC openers Hill and Haines strode out confidently. Hill batted with freedom, racing to 30 before nicking off to Beetle, smartly taken by Mole. Mohammed followed for 15, undone by Trass, with Bison taking the catch. Chandra was lured into a false stroke by Kwakka’s loop, departing for 7. Kwakka then claimed the vital Leghal for 44.

The killer blow came when Bison, enjoying his birthday in style, dismissed the dogged Haines for 47. Haines later admitted to Chef he had only ever made fifty three times, and falling short again was “awful.”

The fielding was electric. Tolga, spikeless shoes skidding across the turf, flung himself about like a slip-n-slide, saving runs. Beetle was sharp all day. Drinks brought a shuffle: Mole passed the gloves to Fingers.

But after drinks, HAC shut up shop. Defensive prods and padded blocks replaced ambition. Frustration grew. Greasy fresh of his fifer was unlucky, I offered some bowling advice about full deliveries on a flat pitch but he was unreceptive. Do we offer the Old Trafford handshake, or keep hammering? The latter.

Trass and Kwakka were recalled, no joy. POB tried with his bruised fingers but no luck. Beetle banged in short ones, semi-cautioned for his troubles. The only “crowd” was a wandering Gurkha guard, but the Peckers wanted wickets. Kwakka getting a well earned 2 wickets.

Enter Chef. With his final over his 11th  he rolled back the years. A sharp short ball drew a fend, and POB at square leg redeemed himself after an earlier drop, pouching a neat catch. The spark returned.

The final over went to Moleman, who surprised everyone by generating real pace with what might diplomatically be described as a “questionable” action. He trapped Boynton LBW to close HAC’s innings at 184/7 from 46 overs. Our cause wasn’t helped by four dropped catches: Bison shelled both a straightforward chance and a bullet in the slips, Fingers missed one behind the stumps, and the skipper put down a fizzer at mid-on. Perhaps the cricketing gods weren’t with us in the field a touch of irony, given that this was the week the great Bob Simpson passed away, a man renowned for his slips catching and fielding drills. Next week, in his honour, we’ll aim to hold on to everything that comes our way, Mutley is keeping so watch this space.

Aftermath

The Peckers batted for 41 overs; HAC managed 46. The chase never really materialised—survival became the order of the day. We walked off frustrated but proud. The skip may have regretted his deferment, but in truth you can never know how the opposition will play. In my humble opinion, we mixed things up, had a laugh, and stayed true to the spirit of being a Pecker. After all, the last time we played here in 2023, we bowled them out for just 61.

From there, it was on to Finch’s for a few quick ales. Chef hopped onto the Northern Line, Angry Greasy mounted a Lime bike, and the rest marched on to Tayyab’s for a fiery curry where the real post-match analysis was served, alongside naan and lager, I’m told the poppadom’s were not up to par.

Next up Teddington.

Tesco and the male models

Johnny Cash and his rings of fire

Ham and Petersham

This fixture encapsulates what Sunday village cricket is all about and why we all love it. A picturesque ground that dates back to 1815, a most welcoming opposition, fabulous tea and a cracking tavern with a wonderful beer garden and a gentleman’s agreement that no one should take it too seriously. The May bank holiday was kind to us, although the sun, clouds and wind played their dance in the sky keeping it interesting.

We lost the toss and were inserted by Ham who also claimed our new Huddersfield Cherry The rules were old school, declaration cricket in an 80 over game. We were honoured to have chief ICC cricket tv director, Borgav, umpiring fresh from his stint covering the PSL and Caribbean league and as he walked out to the middle his keen eye for detail must have noticed the international makeup of our opposition for the day, which included 5 Indians, 1 Afghan, 1 South African and a Trinidadian wonderfully named Bentley.

H&P opened with Akbar (yes, i know, this correspondent who initially accompanied Borgav in umpiring duties, was constantly turning around when he heard his name being called throughout the day, until he remembered no Pecker had ever called him by his real name…which for the record never was 🐘🧽 er).

The Afghan was bowling full inswingers at a skiddy speed on a surface that was sticky and his initial spell was right on the money. Facing were openers Bison and Muttley (who had made a fine hundred on the ground two years ago to ensure a record breaking winning run) and the going was tough. At the other end Grant, the South African, was bowling a shorter length, less dangerous but equally economical.

Hopes were high on the bench

Muttley was first to go in the 3rd over inside edging Akbar onto his stumps with the score on 15. Groundskeeper replaced him edging the next delivery through the slips but then fell to Akbar as he played all around a full straight one. Bison was solid, keeping the scoreboard ticking while the pressure was being applied with the new cherry, and his new partner at the crease Bumpy fell to the kind of yorker from the Afghan that Waqar would have been proud of. We were in trouble at 46-3 after 9. Our two giants Bison and Levers, both measuring 6 foot 4 decided to dig in and turn things around.

Two-Oaks

With brave shot selection, including several drives and cuts to the rope, we had reached 79 after 14 overs in tricky conditions, especially when Akbar bowled two dangerous beamers that led to him being taken off to collective relief before Levers was unexpectedly caught at deep mid wicket off Grant. Cat then prowled in and went in a flash, missing a straight one to the off spinner who didn’t turn it. Suddenly we were back in the danger zone at 83-5.

What we needed now was a captains innings… and that’s exactly what we got. POBSy came in having watched his side falter and played an assured and wonderful knock, coming forward to the spinners and hitting the bad balls for several lovely  boundaries. He assumed full responsibility for getting us a competitive total after Bison fell to Bentley just after reaching his 50.

Bison is feted on his walk back from the middle

We still had a lot of work to do at 117-6 after 22. Old hands Tiddles and POBSy played straight and kept the scoreboard ticking until we passed 150 in the 30th over. POBSy was so close to his 50 when he was run out on 48, but his contribution was priceless.  Our tail did not wag and we were bowled out before half the allotted overs were completed, ending on 166. Would this be enough?

Tea was taken in the delightful Hand and Flower pub which also served as our changing rooms. Highlight of the fare were the samosas and coronation chicken sandwiches which were so inviting that they had run out by the time the H&P captain brought up the rear in the queue. A cover band was playing to the bank holiday audience in the beer garden. Snax’s friend Kahren joined the team for a cup of tea, as did Groundskeepers cousin, and everyone was in good spirits and some had fuller bellies than others.

Tiddles selecting his tray of sandwiches

Tiddles was duly impressed by what he beheld

H&P opened with Reddish and Akbar and were met by wonderful new ball seam bowling by Spinach (who bowled a marathon spell of 12 overs) and Tiddles (whose 8 overs accounted for at least half the calories in the chocolate mini rolls he consumed).  The cornetto lover was pitching the new ball up and moving it around enough to pierce the Afghan’s defences to draw first blood in the 6th over followed by another wonderful wicket taking delivery next ball. Tiddles was on a hat-trick but was denied by the incoming batsmen who blocked another full straight one.

Spinach bowled the opener with a lovely full delivery and at 24-3 H&P were now the ones in trouble. But they rebuilt with Pansar and Mundi putting on a solid 47 taking the score to 71 with plenty of overs left. Spinach was unlucky to miss out on several chances that fell tantalisingly short of the slip cordon and a breakthrough was proving elusive. The wicket that never was incident involved a clear edge and a wonderful forward diving catch behind the stumps by Bumpy only for the batsman not to walk after being given not out… he later claimed that this was retribution for a wrongful dismissal in the previous game, though the H&P skipper confirmed that on that occasion he had initially walked but then returned to the crease hoping for a reprieve.   The turning point in the match was the run out of the dangerous Pansar (29) from a relay run out that emanated from a size 14 boot stop on the boundary by 🦬 off the last ball of POTYs marvellous spell.  We took the game by the scruff of the neck for the remainder of the game with first change bowlers Groundskeeper and Snax coming on to bag further braces cheaply. Groundskeeper took his second catch of the day off his own bowling, a huge leap from an ex high jumper. Remarkably we didn’t drop any catches all day!

Smeagol soared like an eagle to pick up his second

Both opening bowlers and second change pairs returned the same figures adding some wonderful symmetry to a true team effort with the leather (2-31 and 2-12 respectively). Average honours go to Twinkle with a 1-1 return. Snax was left with the honour of closing proceedings aided by a fine catch from Muttley, who plucked it from the sky with a wonderful economy of effort as he stayed rooted to the spot.

H&P were all out for 94 in the 29th over… a glorious comeback by the Peckers. This correspondent would like to suggest that Bison should take the MOTM laurel, closely followed by the skipper for keeping the ship afloat.  We retired to a glorious evening sunshine in the Hand and Flower garden where we sat with the opposition and chewed the fat, or the largest chicken burger ever constructed… joined by groundskeeper’s aunt and uncle.

He must have been one of those that got short changed at tea time…is he going to snog it?

We all felt good to be alive this day 🙏 and to be a Pecker ❤️

Kew

The Woodpeckers awoke to a cloudless Sunday in London town with a hotly anticipated fixture against Kew Cricket Club on the cards. Upon arrival, you’d have been forgiven for thinking we were playing in Karachi rather than South West London, such was the dustbowl outfield at Kew CC. A well prepared wicket and hard and fast outfield would prove influential throughout the game as value for well struck shots was high. 

There were a few heavy heads and latecomers in the Peckers’ ranks as we started with just 9 men. Ollie “Beetle” Dunger opened up from the church end to Kew openers Chauhan and Ruske, combining with Chris “Tiddles” Palmer from the river end. Neither found beautiful rhythm immediately, however after the ball was hit hard into Kew’s signature concrete path, it returned looking like it had seen the inside of Cameron Bancroft’s pocket and there was suddenly a bit of swing on offer. Shortly after, a pitched up ball from Beetle removed Ruske for just 1. 

Kew Captain Stukins marched to the middle and showed some good ball striking starting with 10 straight 4s including one straight through Patrick’s legs to earn him the first bonnet appearance of the day. It could be argued that the bonnet didn’t help as he proceeded to shell a tricky catch at the other end shortly after. After reaching 50, Stukins was removed by a straight one from Beetle in his final over to earn final stats of 27-2 off 8 overs. 

Fingers, Pobsy, Bison, Kami, Levers, Cat, Greasy, Beetle, Bomber, Tiddles, Chef

 Tiddles was replaced by Tim “Cheffrey” Morgan at the river end who probed with his signature flight and guile. Whilst the umpire stood still in the face of a seemingly plum LBW shout, there was no saving Chauhan the very next ball as he picked out the safe hands of James “Kamikaze” Gaunt to remove the opener for 35. 

Beetle was replaced by Henry “Greasy” Glaister who probed with an array of full tosses until the first ball after drinks when a full in-swinger picked up his first of the day, knocking back the leg stump of Berg. The very next ball saw Croft chop onto his own stumps to set Greasy up for a hat-trick ball. The valiant Jed came to the crease for his first game of cricket since primary school and safely left the hat-trick ball before making a good account of himself with the bat in hand before being removed by Cheffrey as he holed out to Rich “Levers” Anthony at mid on. The ever reliable Cheffrey finished with stats of 24-2 off 8 including 2 maidens. At this point I reminded Greasy that his son GK Smeagol had taken his first Peckers ‘Michelle’ Five-for at this ground the year before (his other feline son looked on jealously’ 

Another beauty from Greasy saw the back of Blitz and after a lapse in concentration saw Beetle shell a catch at first slip, he safely pouched a top edge for Greasy to take his third and fourth of the day. In came Lizzie, marking her first ever game of cricket, to face Greasy’s pace off variation. Lizzie kept a few out before a straight one went through the gate and Greasy picked up his fifth of the day, finishing with 5-33 off 8 overs. Greasy’s death spells at Marlow and Brook were excellent and this was just reward.

Chefrey very proud but also suddenly concerned about the contender for his ‘Shane Warne’ trophy

Creative offerings with the ball from Henry “Bomber” Walpole, Kamikazi, Felix “Cat” Wood and Levers stretched the game to the 39th over. Tiddles, having been run ragged in the field (including a prime Ronaldinho like piece of control with the right boot at square leg), came back on at the church end to bowl his tweaking off break variation. This dangerous action soon saw a ball skied to cover where Levers was busy watching the flightpath into Heathrow in the other direction. Snapping away from the A380 going over and onto the flight of the ball, Levers charged in and safely pouched it to help Tiddles to a deserved wicket and ending Kew’s innings at 190 runs. 

A nice tea in the Kew pavilion was complemented by our very own Snax who had brought some other tasty offerings for the team including his house special 50% scotch egg 50% Colman's Original English Mustard which nearly brought Kami to tears. 

Muy Piccante

The Peckers opened up with Kamikazi and Luke “Bison” Marjarson who started positively, both running hard and finding the boundary rope with some crisp ball striking. Kew’s Gauran, with the assistance of our very own Freddie “Fingers” Peters, then removed Kamikazi leg before wicket. Fingers later described the delivery as “hitting middle of middle” which did not exactly match Kamikazi’s description, albeit taking his dismissal with complete class. 

Our 6’4” second row partnership of Bison and Levers proceeded to dig in to build an excellent partnership, littered with classy power hitting from both. Levers caught up to Bison and pushed past as he took the game to the Kew bowlers with three consecutive boundaries to take him to 51 before retiring, giving way to Cat. Bison was not far behind, reaching 52 retired, replaced by Bomber.

Big Levers

A majestic Bison striding across the lusher part of the Kew Savannah…

Cat, coming off a strong showing with the bat the previous week, looked confident at the crease, reverse sweeping Blitz for four before carving him deep into the leg side for another boundary to make a quick start. He was caused some issues by Kew debutant Lizzie, with some near miss opportunities in the field and probing flight. Lizzie finishing her first game of cricket well with stats of 9-0 off 2 overs.  

Bomber confidently beat the ball around the park at the other end including two large sixes, reminiscent of his performance against the Woodpeckers for Barnes Common a few weeks ago – certainly nice to have him back on our side! With a well struck boundary, Bomber took us over the line, finishing on 26 not out with Cat not far behind making 19 not out. 190 safely chased down losing just one wicket, and in 17.2 overs, so the run rate of over 11 was seriously impressive and surely a record for a full game.

After a speedbump at Brook last week, the Peckers rebounded to their winning ways with a comprehensive win at Kew. Chef had a pink ticket so many ales were consumed, on to the Northcote for more, and the night ended at the Golden Arches at 10.30!.

Next week holds the annual fixture against the HAC, which promises to be a cracker followed by a big Saturday night in central London. Peckers up!

The Cat Bomber brought us home

Serious openers

Greasy’s 1st Pecker Michelle…..priceless

Romany at Brook

Cricket is a game of highs and lows, and on Sunday the Peckers discovered just how far apart those peaks and troughs can be. Riding an eleven-match winning streak, we arrived in the picture-postcard village of Brook with visions of extending our record to a dozen. The sun blazed, the dogs settled in the shade, the tea was chilling in the pavilion and the stage was set for another chapter of this incredible season. Brook have been struggling with Sunday sides, so we were playing a wandering side Romany with a few Brook players, both managed by Jonathan King who did a great job organising everything, including three Indian ringers, one of whom had represented Hyderabad.

Fielding:

Groundskeeper, who unusually was given the new ball, rumbled down the hill and took a couple of overs to find his radar. At the other end, Greasy opened his account with two costly overs that saw him escorted politely (but firmly) to the leg-side boundary after being dispatched by a pair of enthusiastic teenagers who clearly hadn’t read the script. To twist the knife, his replacement was Snax who found no immediate joy either. After eight overs, Brook were 48 without loss, and the warmth of the day was starting to feel heavier on our backs.

Relief came when GK drew the edge and Kwakka snaffled a beauty behind the sticks. The breakthrough, however, was a lonely one for some time; the next wicket took seven more overs to arrive. Pobs brought himself on, perhaps channelling Ben Stokes in spirit if not in economy, as he struggled a bit up the hill.

Cat finally broke the drought with a tidy catch to GK at square leg to produce a nice little Monkton Combe combination. At the other end, Chefry’s cunning fingers coaxed two scalps from the opposition, each owing much to catching brilliance. First came Potter, haring in and somehow plucking a dipping ball from thin air. Then GK, having earlier misjudged one, redeemed himself with a snow-covered steepler at long on. Throughout the day Chefry was in the thick of it as the ball followed him around the pitch, having him tumbling around and hitting the deck in a valiant attempt at a return catch before the slope played its cruel tricks and took his legs away from him. There were also a couple of tumbling drops, Merry running round the boundary and Snax running in from square leg brilliantly captured by ace videographer, the Old Horse.

The score was finally looking more kindly and with Brook now at 129-4, momentum was swinging our way. Merry then lit up the field with a direct-hit run out, sending the bails cartwheeling. Kamikaze arrived to fulfil Pobs’ “everyone bowls an over” rule, and in true one-over-wonder style, claimed a wicket with an assist from Kwakka into the hands of Pirate at first slip, and Potty tried some aerial bombardment that induced some great tennis shots from the bemused Indian batsman

Despite the score looking better, this first innings was going by incredibly slowly. The Brook batters were taking guard as if they’d booked in for a five-day Test and walking away from their spots every second ball. That, partnered with long pauses to retrieve balls from the hedge and a small disagreement between Pobs and the umpire over a ‘new’ ball that had already seen more lives than was good for it, extended this painful stint in the sun beyond all of our pleasure. Thankfully, Greasy finally showed skill in his new death bowling position through finding the stumps and being awarded LBW by an umpire who had probably had enough! Cat’s final strike, wrapped the innings up and brought on tea with Brook 181 all out. 

Tea:

Brook had informed us that tea was going to be “light” this week which was never going to cut it for the Peckers, so we rolled up with our own banquet worthy of a Lord’s Long Room luncheon. Smoked salmon sandwiches, homemade black pudding sausage rolls (in honour of Big Merv’s legendary batch), tomato tarts, a cheese board, plum cake (courtesy of Marmalade), and a coolbox brimming with Peronis and chilled Pinot Noir. It was less a cricket tea and more the opening night of a food festival, the sort of spread that would make a Michelin inspector loosen his tie. Plates were passed, glasses clinked and dogs loitered hopefully at knee height. It was the kind of spread that could make a man forget he had to bat(or how to).

Unfortunately, someone did.

Wonderful Spectators -Potties, Pirrates, Rotcods, An Old Horse,A Ducky and a quartet of canines

Snax adding Chilli and the Pirrate Kwakka enjoying the latter’s cheese board, washed down with the former’s Pinot

Pobsy recreated Merv’s Sausage and Black Pudding Rolls from Brook 2021

Batting:

To loud groans, Cat and Pirate strode out needing 182 from 35 overs. They began well. Pirate, with mother Dorree and daughter Willow cheering on, played with trademark patience before falling for 14. Kamikaze joined Cat but never looked settled, despite Samurai’s moral support, and soon made way for Merry. Cat, meanwhile, was the picture of calm. Through punishing the bad ball and respecting the good, he notched up his fourth Pecker’s 50 before retiring.

He was the image of a ‘proper batsman’ playing ‘proper shots’, much to the quiet irritation of his pals on the boundary! But cricket, loves balance and unfortunately Cat’s retirement left the door open for what all Peckers knew would come. It seems it is an occurrence as inevitable as time itself. Horse who had been spectating, filming some great videos and taking part in cheese and wine made his departure with words “I am going to leave before the Pecker’s collapse” and collapse we did, in the most spectacular of styles. At 85-2 we looked well-set; four overs later, we were 111-7. The bowling? Let’s just say it wasn’t exactly Glenn McGrath, more the sort of loopy grenades Runkey would have applauded. Yet somehow, we found every fielder in the postcode. Kwakka and GK both being caught for ducks and Merry, Greasy, also being caught for relatively small scores. Even with Cat’s return, the damage was done. Pobs tried to stitch together the tail, but the last wicket fell with our hopes, the winning streak ending not with a bang but with the faint rustle of a scorebook closing.

And yet, the sun still shone, the wine still flowed, the dogs still dozed, and tea… well, tea was the real winner.

Marmalade’s Plum Cake enjoyed by suitor Snax

Hoover having cocked his leg on Pirates bag!

Marlow Park

We made their way on an overcast August sunday to the charming riverside location of Marlow Park, with a strong 11 that traditionally includes members of the local Pennant clan. Father Don, who has the dubious distinction of having known POBsy since the age of 6, (they were inseparable it seems in the junior school detention cell), aka Metal Mickey due to his ageing bionic knees, and 21 year old Leo, aka “Milky Milky “, were both eager to contribute to the unbeaten run of 10 games. Pobsy noted a ‘Noah’s Ark’ flavour to the team with two keepers, two Aussies, two Pennants, Two Canford grads and two guys who were prodigious high jumpers both clearing exactly 1.90m as a PB in their youth (GK Smeagol and Metal Mickey.)/ There was also rain forecast but nothing indicating a need for an Ark. This correspondent was delighted to host Magic carpet and Fingers to a chilli cheese toast breakfast, a west London pre-game ritual that aims to deliver a sufficiently severe shock to distract the brain from any misdemeanours from the night before.

Milky Milky with dad Metal Mickey, GF Becky Boo and Ziggy

On arrival at the ground, similar rituals were being played out by others. Greasy, who was in pole position to be the most catatonic participant having thrown up 4 times on his way to the ground, chose solitude as his elixir. Chef headed straight for the punchy paprika Max crisps. Fingers hit the cider. Tiddles opted for full fat coke but took additional comfort after spotting a riverside cornetto van vendor. Only the scorecard would later bare testament to the efficacy of these strategies. We lost the toss and were inserted by the Marlow skipper, one of a number of South Africans in their side complementing a cohort of Pakistanis that gave the occasion almost an international feel,

Moleman and GK Sméagol strode out to the middle at the start of the allocated 40 overs, and it soon became clear that we were facing a well organised and tight bowling attack on a pitch that was proving more difficult to negotiate than earlier pitch inspections had foretold. Aslam bowled accurately and with pace, bowling out an 8 over spell with very few scoring opportunities. GK fell early after chopping on from Mullen, replaced by Magic Carpet played some beautifully timed drives while Moleman kept calm and started to build an innings at the other end. Magic Carpet had to fly off for a classy 26 after being bowled by Munsh who was bowling wicket to wicket spinners, replacing Aslam at the river (cornetto) end. Fingers came to the fray with an all together bigger hangover than for his incredible innings at Barnes Common last week. He still managed a well-made 43 and the a crucial partnership of 63 was added taking us to 116 in the 33rd over before he was caught behind (Snax didn’t hear or see a thing but Fingers kindly walked)

a Greasy struggle

Moleman had by then reached a studious 50, patiently playing the bowling according to merit and playing beautifully straight. This was a solid base that Milky (a couple of lovely cuts) and Greasy came in to exploit, but neither could hang around long enough to take full advantage. The buffet trolley would never be wheeled out by Marlow, and our run rate could never get much over 5 per over. We increased the tempo as Pobsy sprinted 2s to get the Mole on strike and they added 40 in four overs. Metal Mickey under instructions from his old class-mate kept that strategy going and ushered Moleman to a brilliant 100 , his second in consecutive years at a ground he really loves. Much like Joe Root at the Oval it was a chanceless innings and a study in concentration and skill in difficult condition. Well done Moley 🙏. We had set a very respectable target of 226.

Aslam pays his respects to a worthy adversary …Mole may get round to the stats at last now!

Refreshments were taken, comprising a tasty selection of sainsbury’s sarnies and wraps, the ever present chocolate mini rolls, donuts and DIY tea, We all huddled with plates around the TV in the clubhouse, watching another tense game being played out at the Oval…

Ever present umpire Guy tucks in

Hostilities resumed with light rainfall in the air, with Aslam and Lombard facing Magic Carpet and Tiddles, with the latter removing Lombard with a fine catch by Milky Milky, running back at cover and taking it over his shoulder. We joked that ‘None'-fer’ always seems to go 1-0 down early in the match. He bowled beautifully again and was finally rewarded in the 8th over as he pitched one on leg stump that pinned back Aslam’s off-stump for a quickly made 30.. In his next over Matesh got an almost identical delivery which this time cartwheeled the off stump backwards with some venom… is there a more beautiful sight in cricket? . We had regained the initiative when Carpet then caught a beauty at slip off another fine delivery from Tiddles, leaving Marlow on 87-4 in the 17th. Groundskeeper and Snax then came on to replace the openers, GK breaking a promising partnership by removing skipper Goosen for 16 snaffled by a gloveless mole, and Pobsy caught Ahmed off Snax, who hastily returned to his mates on the Marlow Herbal Bench.

Chef, Greasy, Metal Mickey, Mole, Pobsy, GK, Tiddles, Carpet, Milky Milky, Fingers, Snax

GK bowled rapidly and effectively but sometimes dangerously, bowling a full bunger that Crowther, top edged into his helmet prompting the batman’s admonishment. . His second wicket was more controversial than a lockdown visit to Barnard Castle. Crowther had taken residence batting outside his crease, and Fingers took advantage with a quick witted stumping when the batsman believed incorrectly that he had touched down behind the crease and the ball was dead. The batsmen stood his ground and in time honoured fashion pursued the futility of trying to get an umpire to change his mind .

Chefrey soon got his seasons tally to over 20 wickets, another lovely catch by Moleman and a clean bowled with a classic through the gate delivery. At 140-9, surely it was time to start the car…. POBsy tossed the ball to the father and dad Pennant duo, comfortably classifiable as eager par timers with the cherry, but Marlow’s incoming no 11 hadn’t read the script, and Munshi ably supported Stephens in a a spirited fight back that took to the Pennants and a newly reintroduced Cheffrey.

I commentator’s cursed Pobsy earlier in the day saying “he hasn’t dropped one all season”, and then he did a fizzer at mid-off and the Chefrey over went for 15 runs . The scorer may have taken a break and there was a freeze on the score that was suddenly updated saying Marlow only needed 43 off 8… ghosts of Barnes Common were circling the ground like harpies around a funeral parlour. Perhaps the match play of the day was the introduction of Greasy, who had been sobering up by the minute, and played the role that the bowled out Carpet had performed at Barnes. Off a short measured run that made the scoring dry up at one end, his first eight balls went for just one run, and this increased the pressure on Stephens (on 97) to move it on. He drove hard and cleanly to the deep extra cover boundary where…Milky Milky took a great catch.. With 7 overs left, we had won by 43 runs, and everyone breathed a huge sigh of relief. The Noah’s ark symmetry continued with two wickets each for Carpet, Tiddles, Cheffrey and GK. Moleman made his second century in two years at Marlow and took two catches. Milky Milky book-ended the innings with two great catches for the second year in a row. This made it two 1s, eleven games unbeaten for the Peckers

Another magnificent day out playing gods game in England’s Green and Pleasant land. As the clock struck 7, a wonderful bonhomie descended onto all gathered, young and old, winners and vanquished, for there was only one winner… our beloved cricket.

The Pecker circus moves to idyllic Brook in the next chapter… come and bear witness to a historic run in the making 🙏

Barnes Common

Operation Barnes Common: Keep The Unbeaten Run Going

After a washout the week before against Barnes, Headley were the next opponent to be put into The Woodpeckers’ crosshairs… or so they should have been, was it not for a few too many of their team going AWOL. Pobsy quickly radioed Barnes’ High Command and quickly adjusted his sights back onto the theatre of war that is Barnes Common, with the added spice that 6th Columnist Bomber would be in their ranks.

As the storm clouds of war gathered, so did a squad of battle-hardened Peckers ready to extend their unbeaten run to 10 games. As we arrived Chefrey and Tiddles were working the heavy roller trying to improve the minefield of a wicket. Renegade Bomber won the toss and seemed delighted to insert The Peckers and prepared his Barnes troops to engage.

Cat & Mole lead the defensive line, with the latter falling early to direct fire from the high velocity arm of Wali. Cat fought back with 16 before ricocheting one back into his stumps.

Enter the big guns of Magic Carpet and Trash, but he was unable to to dig in, misfiring for 10. Fingers entered the fray at 30 for 3, and immediately seemed to be batting on a different wicket to his team mates.

Fingers’ GF Thumberlina & Pecker Daddy Beetle watch on expectantly

Cheered on by his sweetheart Thumberlina, Fingers raced to a high-calibre half century before Magic Carpet was gunned down for a spirited 26.

Back in barracks, Beetle was recounting a liaison with a rather attractive Royal Opera singer from the night before with Snax wondering if her oral talents transcended the stage…

It should be mentioned, however, that it was not the Opera singer that was spotted in Beetle’s living room at 3am with canons out and ready to fire…

Pavagrotti himself

Beetle then joined ‘his son’ and provided robust support before he was given his marching orders… quite literally by Barnes’ ‘Captain Haddock’ on 26, suggesting his long mop of blonde hair exceeded acceptable length or perhaps reminded him of an adversary from WW2.

Wolfgang Beetle after marching orders

A very angry Captain Haddock

“Get a Hair Cut!”

From this point onwards, every time one of Haddock’s deliveries failed to meet acceptable length and were dispatched into the barbed perimeter, Beetle was sure to give his opposite man both barrels from the flanks of the battlefield.

Fingers continued to counter the Barnes attack with devasting efficacy, with mercenary “Barley Mow”, recruited from Headley, briefly engaging the enemy from the other end before Captain Pobsy joined his Ace Fingers in the heat of battle, ready to add further casualty to an increasingly looking shellshocked Barnes, who were incurring heavy losses. Bomber let loose, delivering a payload that struck Pobsy high on the front foot, but it was Umpire Cat’s trigger that sealed his Commanding Officer’s fate. (ironically the same end he triggered Botty to devastating consequences')

Fingers, realising that he was running out of reserves to fight on with, was joined by the first of the Commonwealth contingent Tiddles and increased his rate of fire with brutal result as he charged into triple figures and onto a final total of 135, which consisted of 25 4s and 2 6s. A truly remarkable innings of controlled aggression and flawless timing that exhausts superlatives

Medal of Honour; There goes my hero

Chef went downtown twice and the Peckers registered a decent total of 246 all out.

Rations were had across the tracks in the Vine Café mess, featuring an M&S inspired Strawberries & Cream Sandwich, which despite being dubbed as “a bit odd” by Magic Carpet, was much enjoyed.

With hostilities resumed in the middle, it was Magic Carpet and Tiddles who began to strafe the opposition, with Tiddles finding an early edge, only for the porous Cat to spill the easiest of chances at 2nd slip which proved to be just the first instance of swift justice delivered by the Cricketing God’s for his treasonous act.

Tiddles pushed on, rifling the ball into the top of opener Keith’s off-stump and the peckers had drawn first blood, but Barnes’ counter offensive was strong as opener Mah and heavy hitter Zef cannoned the ball into the thorny surrounds.

Beetle and Snax were being overpowered until the former produced a jaffa to find the edge of Zef’s bat, and Snax also a cracker to bowl Mahar. Peckers were jubilant, not only for seeing the back of an extremely powerful striker of the ball, but as this meant Haddock was to come to the crease.

First ball, Beetle snared him on the pad with a ball surely destined for the pegs, but down on his knees for second time in 12 hours and unlike the night before, the finger never came.

In the office, Cat who following his drop and a further misfield had spent most of the day in exile on the ropes, had further embarrassed himself by going over his ankle in yet another fumbled attempt, and then shelled a sharp chance off the introduced Chefrey.

Fingers, Barleymow, Beetle, Cat, Traash, Mole, Tiddles, Magic Carpet….Snax, Chefey and Pobsy

Then a trio of vets combined to remove the lingering Haddock who was beginning to turn pungent. Pobs introduced Tid at slip and under the latter’s orders, Chef fired in a darter that Haddock flashed hard at. His favourite bunkmate threw out a right hand at close quarters and plucked the ball out from behind him. An absolute screamer. Whilst his reactions were rapid, it was the speed with which he galloped around the pitch to take in his much-deserved applause that was perhaps most surprising; Cornettos galore and another on Chefrey’s list. The Peckers fielding was superb which it has been all this season as the bonnet gathered dust, though Cat gave it a good warming today. Mapuddah nearly Snack-led a brilliant caught and bowled and the Magic ’Nunfer’ Carpet went flying through the air twice at extra cover and deep mid-wicket to get a finger to what would have been season’s best Persian Carpet.

With 3 Generations of Walpole in attendance, Henners makes his entrance with the battle looking all but lost with an almighty deficit of more than 120 runs to be clawed back with little time remaining. He started slowly as he tried to get used to the ‘idiosyncratic’ wicket.

He managed to hit sixes off Chef and Traash but 98 were still required off just 6 overs. Bomber slipped his plane into full throttle and hit fifteen off Chef’s next with towering blows into the trees. Skip wanted a change but Chef requested one more to remove his nemesis, Bomber repeating the 6441 dose for 15. He was now in full flow and the 32nd over bowled by Trash from the ‘Hacksaw Ridge’ Railway end and balls rained onto the railway tracks with Carnage seen at Hacksaw Ridge…66643…25 runs and suddenly the Commoners only needed 35 off three overs. Unlike King Canute, Henners turned the tide with 56 runs in less than 18 balls.

Pobsy gave Magic Carpet the unenvious roll of stemming the haemorrhaging of runs, but he bowled a great over as Beetle’s first ball back went for 6, meaning Bomber on strike and 22 needed off 11, and Barnes Common big favourites. Magic ‘Nunfer’ Carpet was impeccable and crucially only went for 11 in his last two ( 7 overs 2 maidens, NUNFER 31! He’s hot favourite for the Cyoungy ‘most economical Pecker bowler’ prize.

A field change from Pobsy put Trash defending the railway line at long off. Henners went for a Kamikaze two thinking he was running to Chefrey and safety, but Traash launched the ball from the deep into the Mole’s gloves as he shot down the Bomber’s stumps from range and delirious scenes broke out on the pitch.

The order was too tall for the Barnes Common tail, but massive plaudits to Henners for a magnificent innings of 86 including eight maximums that nearly pulled off an incredible victory. For the Peckers, a great escape.

Shelter was found in The Coach & Horses just in time to watch the Lionesses win much like the Peckers: Ugly & Tense.

Over and Out. Cat x

A Band of Brothers

The quartet of 50-somethings delighted

Outwood

Outwood CC - a club nestled at the meeting points of Kent, Surrey & Sussex - were the hosts for the ‘Peckers latest game of a seasonThe weather and setting was a fitting canvas for a game that was being played in honour of “quintessential Woodpecker” and former stalwart, Nigel Phethean AKA The Partnership Breaker, who had sadly passed away 6 weeks ago after a battle with Parkinson’s. It was great to be joined in the team by Grandsons Ollie & Mannie,

Pobsy won the toss and combination of heat, bar and spectators screamed ‘Bat First!’ James ‘Kamikaze’ Gaunt & David “Thommo” Thompson opened up for the Peckers, Thommo, played the role of lynchpin up top, whilst Kamikaze came out of the blocks quickly and looked in fine touch, timing the ball sweetly throughout.

As his strike rate of 142.86 might suggest, Kamikaze was here for a good time, not a long time and a flurry of sweetly-struck boundaries resulted in a 50 off 35 balls, bringing with it a surprise decision to retire and let someone else have a crack . Sadly I only lasted four balls…

Nige pictured with three grandsons, LP and the Beearon

 Richard “Levers” Anthony strode out and with a flurry of sweetly struck boundaries in quick-fire 20.Levers’ dismissal in the 16th over brought Jamie “Magic Carpet” Mitchell to the crease. Possessor of a classic Peckers nickname.The 20th over brought an end to Thommo’s obdurate vanguard, and his Ferring team mate “Binnsy” followed quickly. A flurry of pads 120-4 and we were wondering about Kami’s retirement…

He was quickly replaced in the middle by Will “Pippin” Dabell. From here, the day’s premier partnership was struck, with Pippin and Magic Carpet putting on a clinic. Pippin’s innings was at his most swashbuckling for the Peckers to date, showcasing an admirable array of shots and making clever use of the shorter side boundaries, and the Magic Carpet oozed class in his 52 before the rug was snatched from under his feet in a cruel run out.

The Ferring Oggies -Thommo, Oggy, Kelly and Binnsy

This brought Grandson Oggy to the crease but he ended up making Nige’s favourite quacker. Pippin was cruelly run out by his skipper on 48 and then Snax provided a brilliant moment in the middle, where he was clocked square in the box by a delivery from the oppo’s strike bowler, leading him to fold onto the turf like a deck chair at the beach. He recovered and he and Pobsy scrapped us to 228-7, about par with very short boundaries on one side. Tea time followed, and with that, Pobsy gave a lovely - and at times moving - tribute to Nigel Phethean as both teams and Nigel’s family gathered around to listen to some words about the great Partnership Breaker who was the 1999 Woodpecker of the Year and the “epitome of how a Woodpecker should play the game”. He was also described as ‘the possessor of the finest pair of shins that ever stopped a smartly-hit drive’.

Magic Carpet & Oggy opened the bowling for the Peckers and it was fitting that grandson Oggy struck the first wicket of the innings in the fourth over, the ball sailing high to Snax at mid on who in spite of many team mates having considerable sums on the ball, pouched it.

Two teams and a large Phethean support clan

Runs mounted but after a shrewd change of ends two wickets fell. Snax struck with his fifth ball to remove their opening batsman - who was just starting to get going - with a beauty that cleaned him up. A couple of balls later, Oggy struck with his first ball from the opposite end. There was an absolutely inspired piece of work in the field by Pobsy to remove Outwood’s dangerous #3, who pounced on a ball as the batsman tried to rush through a quick single and with one stump to aim at, threw them down from his knees .

The batsman managed to build a more-than-useful partnership and steady the ship in the middle overs. Thanks to some smart rotation of strike in the beginning, and helped somewhat by some expensive bowling by yours truly, Burgess & Gill were able to build the score to 134-4 at drinks and up with the rate.

Enter Tim “Chefrey” Morgan. Denied the chance to wield the willow earlier in the day and with some work to do to stem the flow of runs from Outwood’s batsmen, Chefrey had a steely look of determination written on his face: he was going to have an impact on the days’ play. Bowling in partnership with Pobsy, the two veteran Peckers were able to put their experience to great use and cauterise the run rate.

Chefrey was extracting spin and bounce from the wicket & the Pobsy’s partnership did not stop there, as the latter took two catches off the former, and then diving low to his right, managed to take a (literal) blinder of a third catch - He was then rewarded with the ball with two wickets, the second a caught and bowled gave him his 4th catch of the innings which equals the club record.

Chefrey took his fourth which completed the collapse of Outwood, all out for 165. It meant that all 10 dismissals involved Nige’s grand son, or one of the three 50+ veterans who played with him back in the day. Pobsy put all this down to the spirit of Nigel smiling from above, and bringing this remarkable victory. We also broke a club record…9 games unbeaten in a season, and a fitting way to celebrate Nigel Phethean.

https://woodpeckers.play-cricket.com/website/results/6718913

Veterans Day

Tilford

What a Venue!

Peckers vs Tilford: A Glorious Draw at the Edge of the River

Some cricket grounds are just fields, then there’s Tilford, where the river bends and the story begins. With a pub masquerading as a pavilion and a changing room that doubles as a toddler’s adventure zone, it was the perfect antidote to Saturday night’s sins. Even for those who turned up late, gently humming with regret and mystery meat sweat.

The sun was out, the hangovers were bubbling beneath the surface. Pobsy won the toss and appeased the pub dwellers and spectators by electing to bat. The Peckers were aiming to stretch our unbeaten run to a mythical eighth consecutive victory. It was declaration cricket, a more relaxed format to suit the sweltering conditions. 

We were kindly lent sage support by The Old Horse (and GG), Kwakka, John Campbell and leading Woodpecker run scorer Alan Wood who kindly took may of these wonderful photos with his big Zoom.

The Opening Gambit

Enter Kamikaze and Pirate, swinging freely from ball one. With a lightning-quick outfield and some challenging fielding conditions, it looked like a flyer was incoming.

But then came Tilford’s opening seamer Tom Windsor, small in stature, massive in impact, who promptly removed three of our top four. Pirate was first to fall, chopping on after a brisk start. Kamikaze followed not long after, done in by a tight LBW call. Merry wandered in, eyes on a long stay, but clearly didn’t want his pint getting too warm and promptly gifted the slips a chance they didn’t waste.

Otto takes advantage of a ‘bat first’ to supervise the water babies. There were a lovely collection of Otties present

 Middle-Order Madness

At three down early, the middle order were called into action. Carpet brought calm, finding gaps, smashing anything loose, and giving the parking lot a comprehensive thrashing. A van even took a hit mid-drive but wisely chose not to get involved in a legal debate with a man holding a cricket bat.

He was joined in a stabilising stand by a rather… fragile Fingers, who despite clearly operating in another dimension, very confused by the horse at mid-wicket and the family bathing in the river at long on, managed to survive five near-dismissals, several moral crises, and a full toss from a 14-year-old leggie that floated into orbit and somehow came down untouched. Possibly the most village incident of the season.

The pair put on a crucial 130-run stand, with Carpet falling for a classy 65 and Fingers eventually stumped while attempting... something adventurous and ill-advised. But the base was set: 158–4 and looking solid.

Another excellent knock from Carpet!

 The Art of Collapse

Naturally, with a platform in place, the Peckers embraced tradition and self-destructed in spectacular fashion. Smeagol missed by a postcode. Wagonwheel was removed by a fielder who defied both gravity and basic orthopedics to cling on at mid wicket. Greasy chipped in with a handy 14 before succumbing.

Enter Pobsy and Otto, a classic Rebel Alliance vs Galactic Empire pairing, with an imminent run-out in the script. Pobsy, ever the craftsman, tried to marshal the tail but Otto had other plans and politely returned a catch to the bowler. Snax arrived with mischief in his eyes, smoked a four to fine leg, and then got LBW’d so fast his magic cigarette was still lit on the side line.

Pobsy stood stranded at the non-striker’s end like a lonely groom at an elopement gone wrong.From 158–4 to 190 all out: the most Peckers of Peckers scorecards.

Vintage.

Credit where it’s due: the young Tilford attack bowled with skill and maturity beyond their years. Opener Tom, just 16, led the charge with a superb four-wicket haul, while Josh mesmerised with his leg spin, grabbing two more and tightening his grip as Tilford’s leading wicket-taker this season. And not to be outdone, 13-year-old Kit Barron, one of three Barrons in the side, outshone his seniors with a dazzling late spell, taking three wickets in just two overs. A talented, disciplined unit already, and in a few years, they’re going to be a terrifying prospect. 

Tea: Holy. Glorious. Tea.

Now, let’s talk about the real MVP of the day: the tea.An absolute triumph. Piping sausage rolls, fresh sandwiches, and the kind of heartwarming local gossip that makes you want to move to Tilford forever. The highlight? Tales of former players pole-vaulting the river post-pints and, less nobly, Pirate’s now-legendary incident in a Barcelona gay bar. A beautiful moment of bonding, calories, and hydration before the second act. 

The Defence: Bold, Brilliant, Bizarre

With the sun still blazing and the pitch slicker than a heat-polished dancefloor, Carpet and Motty opened up with precision. Carpet’s left-armers tied things down, and Motty was moving it both ways with menace. He claimed two early wickets, one caught superbly by Pobsy leaping overhead at mid-off.

Pobsy saving the money maker

Snax came on and bowled like a man possessed, tight, aggressive, and with a fielding approach best described as “willing to die for the cause.” He wore one on the temple like it was a badge of honour and got his reward with a big wicket, the reverse-sweeping batsman, again pouched by the magnetic hands of Pobsy, taking his third of the day.

Snax bending that back for the Peckers!

Smeagol bowled beautifully, despite being repeatedly no-balled by an umpire who had seemingly developed an allergic reaction to front-foot landings.

Kami came on, hit the deck hard, and brought serious promise, spin looked like the way forward, and he was unlucky not to grab a wicket or two. 

Spin to Win… Maybe

On debut, Wagon wheel was thrown the ball just as Tilford looked to steady the ship. What followed was seven overs of loopy menace, teasing bounce, and canny flight, going for just 24 runs and picking up two vital wickets. He constantly prodded and poked at the batters’ patience, and got the big breakthrough: Tilford’s stylish opener 15-year-old Jamie Hetherington finally undone for 48, two short of a well-earned fifty. The door creaked open.

Smeagol steams in as Fingers waits for a chance

But Tilford weren’t done. Their Number 9 strolled in, carrying an average north of 90, something we all assumed was a typo until he started middling everything with terrifying ease. Worse still, he appeared to be older than 14, which felt deeply unfair. The Peckers' grip loosened.

Back came Carpet, reliable, unflappable, now tasked with taming the tail. He bowled with discipline, picked up a key wicket, and dragged us to the final over with the game hanging by a thread. One wicket needed. Tilford still 11 runs short. Five balls to find a miracle.

First ball: clean. Dot. Promising.

Second: leg-side dot. Still there.

Third: wide outside off—“For goodness’ sake Carpet, aim for the stumps, son.”

Fourth: perfectly judged leave. Possibly by design. Possibly not. Either way—dot.

The equation: one ball, one wicket. The field closed in like moths to a naked flame.

Carpet charged in. Flighted. The batter lunged. Middle met pad with a muffled thump, a sound just ambiguous enough to trigger collective hysteria. Up went the arms, the voices, the pulses. The entire team appealing like their lives depended on it.

The umpire barely blinked. Not out. 

Result: Drawn, But Never Dull

A draw, glorious, chaotic, beautifully earned. Everyone’s favourite unsatisfying yet noble conclusion. We can certainly claim a winning draw as we batted 28.2 overs to Tilford’s 39. and stretch the unbeaten run to eight.

A huge shout out to Tilford’s young side, disciplined, talented, and scarily well-drilled. And to the Peckers: thank you for another glorious day of cricket, camaraderie, sunburn, and confusion.

On to the next one. Let’s maybe win… or at least collapse more creatively.

Merry ‘ever-present in the field’ freeing up his calendar to make every Peckers fixture

Here’s author Fingers the next day at Wimbledon where he cashed in on a hospitality wrist band he found on the floor, seen here looking like ‘Jude Law in The Talented Mr Ripley’ -Horse quote

Withyham

The Peckers rode south at dawn on the 15th of June seeking to etch their name onto the Tom Saxty Memorial trophy for the first time. Despite silverware being on the line there is always something bigger than cricket being celebrated on trips to the Earl de la Warr’s estate.

The Earl’s back garden.

Keen to honour Tom Saxty our oppo had a large squad to choose from. Faced with the prospect of a strong Withyham XI the Peckers fuelled up on Sussex’s finest Harvey’s at the local watering hole – The Dorset Arms – in preparation.

The Tom Saxty Flag and Peckers Up!

The setbacks began before we took the pitch after the Magic Carpet dropped out – replaced by the newlywed Butternut. To make matters worse Murphys girlfriend’s car broke down on the A21 – gladly, with echoes of a young Tom Saxty, two Withyham youngsters kindly stepped in to field for us as Murph sat on the hard shoulder.

Electing to bowl looked like a terrible decision as the Withyham opener Ben ‘Biceps’ Adams, who plays for Loughborough University, struck the ball hard and cleanly from ball one. Beetle (0-26) was only able to make inroads on our star keeper Fingers’ thumb. I’m sure Thumbelina helped numb the pain later that evening.

A large crowd turned out to watch the match and honour Tom Saxty including many of his family and the Earl

Tiddles (1-36) got an early breakthrough, a good catch from Kamikaze at 1st slip which prompted Fingers to hand him the gloves. Though Withyham rattled along to 56-1 after 10 overs.

Fancy Pants with his 3rd ball finally found that perfect line and length with a jaffa that pitched middle and hit the top of off..At the other end Snax (0-29) was brought down to earth after taking 4-20 last week. He loves a new ball but unfortunately his first one; a knee high full toss, disappeared from Biceps’ blade over the trees into the Medway River, a sad end for the last of the Shiny Huddersfield balls. The next over saw Jacob Tully (Tom Saxty’s Godson) deposit another ball in the river off Fancy Pants (2-48) who came back well as ‘Wolfgang’ VW Beetle pouched a brilliant one-handed diving catch at 1st slip.

The Crowd included Fancy Pants and Wheezy family, including Queen Kindly (Pob’s Aunt)

Skipper and stalwart Mike Whitehead came in and this sturdy pair continued to build the score and with Withyham 158-3 off 23 overs, we were staring down the barrel of a 250 run chase, and running out of old Huddersfields.

Time for the Chefrey to enter the kitchen, rather jaded after a week at Lords witnessing his Aussies lose the WTC, he was keen to restore national pride. Bowling with flight and guile he produced a wicket maiden to remove their captain. Chef followed this with a beauty to clean bowl Biceps on 96 to the delight of Beetle.

Cheese Board and More deliciousness!

 Murph’s fashionably late arrival was suitably rewarded with the bonnet of shame which remained otherwise unused due to a brilliant display of fielding (the second game in a row of no dropped catches!). The highlight being the linkup between Titties and Pantaloons on the boundary (you had to be there). At the other end the Honeymooner (1-10) almost hit his own toe with a bouncer that found the batter’s glove and another sharp catch by Keeper-Kami above his head. Butternut’s variation of length as unpredictable for himself as it was for the batsmen..

 The ever-smiling Fingers (1-1), cap on, trousers at risk of falling down, cleaned up Bruno Tully (Jacob’s younger brother) after Bruno tried to scoop him having been egged on by Beetle at slip. Chef’s final over produced back-to-back wickets and thus the last ball of his spell was a hattrick ball, I’ll let you watch the rest:

Surely the leg stump full toss will get him?

 Chef finished with a brilliant 4-19 off 7, a few more on the ‘list’. Pob had negotiated the ‘everyone delivers an over’ with our bowler heavy line-up and came on for the last over –and bowled Bowen who’s handy 30 had left Withyham 204 all out off their 35 overs, a very decent score on a lively wicket. There were moving speeches from both captains at Tea in honour of Tom Saxty as his sweet girls Violet and Arabella brought out the trophy. Another glorious Withyham spread ensured the second innings didn’t begin before 5 o’clock.

No surprise at who was first in the queue for tea.

 Seeking redemption with the bat after last year’s diamond duck Kamikaze opened alongside Butternut. Word had got out that a Withyham player had been clocked bowling 82mph. To Butternut’s disappointment he was opening the bowling and ensured the married man did not contribute to the chase.

The VW Beetle didn’t last long either, but he did help discover their keeper’s rare trait – this trait being he cannot catch a cricket ball. This helped extras to a handy 23 (15).

Peckers and spectators watch the chase in the shade of the pavilion.

Joined by Wheezy (or Pecker name) ‘Vlad the Inhaler’, Kamikaze began to stroke the ball beautifully around the ground. Growing into his innings as the sun bathed the stunning pitch. Wheezy batted with brilliant technique, bravery and patience seeing off the pacey Jacob. The pair staying together until drinks putting us at 101-2 off 17 without giving the Withyham bowlers a sniff. Eventually Wheezy’s defence was broken in the 21st over, and he departed for a dedicated 24 (51), part of a 94-run partnership with Kami.

Batted Vlad!

Murphy 11 (22) kept the runs flowing before giving way to our human Jack Russell; Fingers.  Next over Kamikaze finally fell for an inspiring 84 off 66 balls. Peckers were suddenly 150-5 still needing 54 at about 6 an over, with no recognised batsmen to come. Pobsy joined Fingers and the pair ran between the wickets like men possessed including an all run 4. Fingers, Having decided to lay off the chocolate cornflake cakes at tea (his body is a mushroom-infused temple) batted with aggression, scoring at a strike rate of almost 200. A successful chase concluded with another scampered single with Fingers reaching his 50* (28) off the final ball. We reached the target of 205 in 32.4 overs only 5 down.

A winning partnership.

.

A wonderful knock from Kazi!

Peckers desperate to get to the pub, so poor Withy Skipper Mike Whitehead was dragged out of the shower to present the trophy

 A spectacular game of cricket on an emotional Father’s Day was recounted in the Dorset Arms. Peckers, Withyham players, spectators, and dogs alike already looking forward to next year’s celebration. Jugs were purchased in honour of Tom Saxty and to celebrate a wonderful game of cricket.

Kami enjoys a cider after 84 and two great catches won him the MOM

From Back L-R Kamikaze, Chefrey, Butternut, Pobsy, VW Beetle, Fancy Pants, Whezy, Tiddles, Fingers, Snax, Murphy

Chiddingfold

Death, taxes, a peckers collapse (more to come on this later) and arriving to the quaint sleepy village of Chiddingfold only to find out the World’s Fair has landed on the same day as this most cherished of fixtures are the only certainties in life. 2025 is absolutely no exception.

Having managed to squeeze through the melee of children, antique cars, ice cream vans (was that Traash selling 99s to the younger generation?) and strangely enough a WWII tank, arriving at the small but well-funded ground provided a bit of calm. This calm was then cruelly ripped away when we realised we would have to park in the next village over due to lack of parking as a junior game was still rumbling on. The standard looked alarmingly high, and our skipper freshly decked out in new sneakers could be seen speaking to the Chidd skipper Woody ensuring none of this young talent would find their way into our game.

Chiddingfold skipper Woody surveying the upcoming talent pool for putting aging Peckers to the sword

The decently strong Peckers team arrived in the usual drips and drabs (yours truly had the shortest journey from Chez Samurai in Alfold where the morning was spent in the pool) and hugs and warm greeting were shared. Unfortunately, Snax slightly dampened the mood by telling Spinach just as they were embracing that he was still getting over his shingles. Once the last (much briefer) embraces had finished the skipper tossed up and decided to insert the opposition and test out the hangovers of our youthful side.

A green, still slightly soft wicket and a brand-new Huddersfield special ball meant only one thing, the wily fox Snax would be joining POTY Spin opening up. Skip’s decision was vindicated early as the very decent looking opener got himself all in a tizz against the demon heat coming from Snax and chipped up to Levers in the covers. Prem grade cricketers like Levers take these types of catches in their sleep and while he did hang on, the worried look on his face put doubt in the minds of some whilst it was in the air. What do you know, Snax’s second over brought another wicket, the number 3 was looking to the short square boundary and only managed to find Greasy patrolling deep square for Snax’s bodyline theory, the skipper did his best to put off Greasy by shouting his name just as he was about to catch it even though there wasn’t anyone within 30 yards, but the ball stuck.

Not content with 2 early breakthroughs, a third wicket fell to the man from the bottom end with another chip into the covers, this time taken by princess. Shocked faces were aplenty around the ground and there was a faint whiff of the scent of a Michelle hanging on the wind. Spin finally decided to get in on the act with a quick double, first a loopy one at gully then the big wicket of a cruising Woody caught and bowled, everything in the air seemed to be going to hand and somehow not then hitting the deck which is the usual order of things in the field for the Peckers.

A well-deserved sugary treat for the opening bowler. The less said about Cheffrey’s antics the better

The opening bowlers were duly given a rest with Cheffrey and Kwakka brought on. Kwakka’s medium pacers carried on where they left off at Dunsfold giving no quarter to the batsmen, unfortunately today it was all toil and no spoil with the Chidd middle order hunkering down.

As the run rate stalled a bit and interest from the fans online waned, the Skip livened things up by bringing on Plant. He immediately found a good length testing out the batsmen, unfortunately it was usually on the second or third bounce and the well set Chiddingfold number 6 (who would go on to make a very respectable 59) was granted a no-ball reprieve when caught at mid-on.

Wo would have thought a man with black sneakers and an untucked shirt could provide so much variety in his bowling?

All through the liquorice allsorts were being offered up at the other end, Chef kept plugging away with a good deal of turn and bounce but to no avail. Therefore, to get everyone going again, two leg gullies were deployed to get in the batsmen’s heads. Greasy in particular was stood in a position that looked like an offering for sacrifice more than a chance of taking a catch – plenty of squeals followed as anything legside was directed at his not inconsiderable head. Perhaps the plan did get in the batter’s heads as two quick wickets followed for the chef, the second of which being an absolute ripper through the gate.

Chiddingfold number 6 deciding which forehead to pull onto next

It is always great to have a decent plethora of supporters to come along and watch some pretty village standard cricket. I couldn’t quite convince Samurai to leave the rosé and pool to come and watch but there was a good crowd nonetheless. The future Mrs Spinach and friends were camped up on picnic rugs through the game and Princess’ father also came to watch. Unfortunately for him the famous Chiddingfold deckchairs were not quite as robust as he thought and ended up falling straight through one requiring the next man waiting to bat having to extract him with laughter ringing round the ground.

Father Princess being heaved out of the deckchair

Send the bill our way

The rest of the innings played through in typical Peckers fashion, some real toilet bowling from Levers, Kami and Greasy helping Chiddingfold on their way a more respectable total with the latter doing their best Liam Livingstone impressions. POBsy even got in on the action and some of the more childish members of the fielding outfit concocted a plan for a fielding restriction no-ball. As the man who had snuck behind square as he was running up I was appropriately scolded by the skipper and I kept my giggles to myself.

Snax was brought back for a second spell and while he did not quite get the Michelle he was looking for, another wicket left him with figures of 7 overs, 4 wickets for 20 runs and earned the applause as we walked off having bowled the home side out for 120. We also took 7 out of 7 catches which must be a Pecker record, though none of them could be described as Screamers. The Bonnet gathered dust

Once he was pointed in the right direction, Snax leads the team off after a great first half.

And on to the real star of the show, TEA. Another fantastic spread was laid on including plenty of sandwiches, homemade sausage rolls, cakes and pineapple. Only thing missing was some crisps, clearly Chiddingfold haven’t read my reports so far as no tea can earn 10/10 without them. This was all washed down by a lovely, chilled red provided by Kwakka. This is a new addition to the long list of Peckers traditions/quirks and is certainly one that I hope stays the course. There was a little bit of an issue once it was discovered that Chiddingfold don’t own a corkscrew (why would they tbf) but once the cork was shoved in the bottle the fruity number paired the sarnies well.

Even ready salted would be fine

Teamwork makes the dreamwork opening the Vino

On to the batting. Greasy once again opened up the batting and was partnered by Kami who will happily tell anyone and everyone about that time he broke some roof tiles here a couple of years ago. As an opening pair they had slightly diverging fortunes, Greasy was cut in half a number of times by the young quickish opening bowler while Kami tried in vain to catch one out the middle of the bat and get somewhere near the roof again. They both went back to the changing rooms in quick order, Greasy caught behind off a genuine nut and Kami retired. (the oppo were quite surprised that Kami was 50 retired, with the score on 55-1(Greasy really dug in). It was a brilliantly fluent 50 on a tricky wicket.

Kamikaze retired due to horrible batting making the crowd feel unwell

At number 3 Princess refused to wear a helmet even as the lively deck sent a fair few whistling past his nose, he looked solid until he didn’t and holed out to mid-on. No matter, Fingers was next in and with a boundary that short he would surely make light work of the chase. He proceeded to whack it about but fell victim to the temptations and holed out to mid-on. Nay bother, Levers followed and played quite possibly the shot of the day over long off, the rising nerves were only briefly settled as he followed the glorious stroke by holing out to mid-on. Three strong batters, three good starts and three victims to the man at mid-on. Was this a fabled pecker collapse?

Yes.

Plant made sure of that with a brief stay at the crease and returned having been caught and bowled. Carnage on the boundary as everyone was scrambling for kit. When the dust settled it was Kwakka and Spin out in the middle, mostly with their own kit. Unfortunately for the neutrals these old hands quelled the fightback from Chidd and saw the peckers over the line chasing the 120 five wickets (& a retirement) down in 18 overs.

Chef with his goblet of wine discussing the convicts chances in the WTC final

Another fantastic day at Chiddingfold, superb hosts and a serve yourself bar lubricating sore heads through the day. A couple of years ago we had a good victory against Chiddingfold, they rocked up last year with a very strong team and promptly wiped the floor with us so Peckers will need to ensure good availability next year for a good fight. Whatever the result it is always a great day out and we look forward to many good games played in the right spirit and plenty of carnival carnage.

Back: Kwakka, Fingers, Plant, Spinach, Kamikaze. Front: Greasy, Princess, POBsy, Levers, Snax. One of your French Girls: Chef

Scorecard and videos can be found here: https://woodpeckers.play-cricket.com/website/results/6705279

All my love & Peckers up

Kami xox

Latymer Old Boys

Preamble

The English poet William Cowper produced the saying "Variety is the spice of life" and for the Author this was certainly true of the weekend just passed. It saw me travel the width of London, from the newly discovered Bethnal Green in East London for a Uni mate’s wedding on the Saturday evening, to the more familiar White City in West London. This saw me reacquaint myself with my 1st flat in London which was only one street away from this oasis of a ground, nestled amongst the Urban sprawl.

Spinach with old flatmates Butternut and Wilf on the way to the East London wedding

My tenure in West London was cut short due to an overly sensitive neighbour in the ground floor flat who went to great lengths to soundproof their flat against our house parties and a slight disagreement with the landlord when they discovered we were sub-letting a study as a room.

Spinach’s first flat in London (thankfully the Landlord and/or Ground Floor neighbour weren’t about)

The Match

The Peckers gathered on a moody and overcast day which was complimented by a refreshing breeze allowing bursts of sunshine throughout the afternoon.

Being Bomber’s fixture, he was elected as match manager and, more importantly, he was (thankfully) playing for us.

As is usually the case, a range of hangovers were present on the day. Yours truly from the East London wedding, Traas who was at the Saracens v Bath 2nd XV and Millhouse who was still recovering from beverages on Friday evening.

The pitch itself was similar to the batting friendly HAC in the Square Mile, however, the groundsmen had (most kindly) left a little green on top to entice the bowlers.

The ground was in excellent condition and it was no surprise to us why it regularly hosts Middlesex academy matches throughout the year. Sadly it will be the last time the Peckers play at the ground as it recently been sold off for development to add to the ever increasing skyline of West London.

West London in all its glory

BATTING

Bomber won the toss, elected to bat first with Greasy in his newly styled role as opener alongside the dependable Moleman. 

After taking some time out of London, it was a delight to have Moleman back in the middle. As ever, he started well and took a fancy to the short deliveries being served up by the spikeless 2nd opening bowler. 

Greasy a bit scratchier up the other end, stuck with Moleman well and pounced on some wayward deliveries outside the off side. Despite a few missed catches by the opposition, the openers climbed steadily to 72-0 off 16 overs. 

POBsy kindly scoring with The Whizz watching eagerly, itching to join the action.

The opposition started with 9 in the field due to AWOL players, so a very hungover Millhouse was offered up to supplement their numbers. 

A bowling change saw the demise of Greasy (14), bowled by a Yorker to leave us 74-1

Greasy departs for 14, after ably supporting Moleman and more importantly setting a solid platform to build from.

Moleman brought up a well deserved half century in the 15th over. Expertly exploiting the gaps, with the 3rd man region particularly fruitful. 

Princess entered the fray and was hit early on in the nether regions early on. After a lot of wafts outside of stump, he hit one of the shots of the day, a gorgeous cover drive for 4. 

With the opposition numbers swelling to 10 players, Bomber replaced Millhouse in the field. Aside from a misfield by Bomber in front of the Pavilion to give us a 4 (much to the dressing rooms delight), this led to their fielding becoming a lot tighter.

Pirate y Pablo greeting The Whizz’s cheerleaders which included his lovely girlfriend far left (nickname TBC).

After a fluent innings, Moleman was eventually bowled for a valiant 57 runs.

Reassuringly, The Whizz and Princess were able to steady the ship, to take us to 132-2 off 26 overs

Once the spinners came on, both batsmen tucked in and boundaries were plentiful much to the delight of spectators POBsy and Pirate. 

After wearing one on the chest, only a smart catch on the boundary at cow corner prevented more lusty blows from Princess’s bat, who fell for a very useful 34. 

The start of the collapse, Princess making way for his old pal Plant

The famous Peckers collapse begun around the 20th over with Plant immediately rejoining Princess back in the Pavilion after holing out for a duck due to a wild swipe. This left us on 160-4.

Carpet, who played some promising shots early, also failed to contribute when he was bowled by a spinner for 3 runs. Perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be his day…

This was further compounded by the introduction of some very slow bowling which slowed the run rate significantly. Next to fall was Trash (10 runs), who was then caught at long hop by some very slow bowling which targeted the leg side.

Trash makes his way back to the hutch, with Bomber greeting The Whizz in the middle.

In a spot of bother at c.170-6, Henner’s joined his old pal The Whizz at the crease and instantly got to work. The ball flew to all sides of the ground at a tremendous rate of knots.

One of the highlights was Henner’s pulling a glorious 6 over square leg which was in line to hit chefs car and was only saved by a conveniently placed bench. In fact, the hitting was so ferocious, I thought my old flat may also be in danger! This lusty shot was only surpassed by a cover drive in the next over which not only went for 6 but landed into the Pavillion.

All too much for some - Millhouse having a nap in Trash’s car after fielding for the opposition for 10 overs.

On debut was The Whizz’s girlfriend, who has recently moved in with the eligible Batchelor and this helped motivate him to show his sporting prowess. The Whizz put on a sensational display, reminiscent of a peacock trying to attract a female, albeit with the aid of a piece of wood and 60 metres away from his target.

It felt like we were at the IPL, ramps, scoops and sweeps to all corners of the ground made a mockery of any attempt by the opposition to implement death bowling. The Whizz entered the last over on 86*, meaning he was mathematically 3 shots away from a remarkable century.

Could he make his 100? Pirate y Pablo watch on intently as Moleman trys to keep up with the batting onslaught

A good start, a boundary off the first delivery. 10 off 5 needed.

Next up…

...a dot ball.

Another dot ball…!

The equation was now 10 off 3.

4th ball of the over, crashed away for four runs through the off side.

Now on 94*, a maximum would do it.

From the second last ball of the innings, The Whizz wiped his brow and adjusted his gloves one more time to subsequently unleash a sensational shot which sailed over the boundary for six.

He had done it!

A single off the last ball saw The Whizz carry his bat for an incredible 101*.

The Peckers finished on a very healthy 267 off the 40 overs 6.7 an over.

A sensational knock by The Whizz AKA Lavers, who carried his bat for a 101*.

BOWLING

With Bowler of the Year Snax away, he was unable to attempt to reproduce last years magic where he successfully reduced the Latymer Old Boys batting order on a batting friendly pitch. Due to Millhouse being unwell, we fielded with 10 for the entire innings.

It was abundantly clear that the opposition were not in the mood to bat the full overs. Baz ball was the tempo and this worked to our favour with wild swings across the line and catching opportunities aplenty. Whilst I was able to make inroads into the opposition, who were falling in relatively quick succession, the pressure was created at the other end.

Magic Carpet / Sleaves, who claims to just be a net bowler, bowled his signature left arm over, leaving the batsmen in a state of fear. The ball was manipulated to move both ways off the seam. The slip cordon and close fielders could not understand how his spell remained wicketless. Cricket has several individual elements, but by Carpet exerting immense pressure on the batsmen at one end, it allowed me to benefit from several frustrated batsmen who gave their wickets away cheaply.

With the opposition, 30-5 off 10 overs, Bomber brought on Chef and Trash to mop up the rest.

Trash also bowled well (3-14 off 2 overs) to remove the 6th, 7th and 8th wickets and Chef also picked up a scalp.

Due to a player going AWOL after tea, the opposition only had 9 batsmen, so when this transpired, we let their last batsmen have a runner which was reminiscent to the Last Man Stands format. Plant, who didn’t have his best day on the field, dropping the last batsmen in the deep, was summoned to make amends and have a trundle. He lived up to his nickname, with a barren, asexual bowling spell which their last batsmen took advantage of. In fact, their last batsmen added about 30 runs before eventually falling to a absolute skyer of a hit off Trash’s bowling, which was taken expertly at mid-on by the skipper Bomber.

Latymer Old Boys all out for c.115, meaning the Peckers won by c.150 runs. A solid showing by the Peckers, who were well led by Bomber to bring about a very convincing victory.

Top Row: (L-R) Millhouse, Moleman †, Trash, Spinach, Plant, Greasy, Chef

Bottom Row: Magic Carpet/Sleave, Princess, Bomber © and The Whizz

All that remained was to celebrate the win in the local pub (The Pavilion) which was less dodgy than I remember! Jugs were courtesy of yours truly (5 for c.20) and The Whizz for his exquisite 101* earning him the well deserved title of Man of the Match.

Millhouse AKA Lazarus, sensing alcohol and no further danger of having to field, miraculously leapt back into life to join us in the pub. Possibly a Pecker record, but also very Pecker to have been picked for the team and not actually contribute anything on the field. We are a social side after all…

He has risen indeed! Not well enough to field after Tea, Millhouse only played for the Opposition!

A 5th win in a row for Peckers and next up is Chiddingfold which will be streamed live on Youtube!

Link below, kindly!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqmOqFtew9g

Dunsfold

The Woodpeckers, it must be said, are grotesquely spoiled. Between glorious grounds, gentlemanly teammates, life-affirming pints and pub gardens that shimmer in the June haze, one could be forgiven for assuming we’ve been trapped inside a Richard Curtis screenplay. And if Dunsfold isn’t the cinematic cricketing utopia, then frankly, the projector’s broken.

Our story begins with Tilford’s Hankley Gold at the Sun Inn, under a blue sky, a brisk 7-iron from the ground. Here, crusty veterans and bright-eyed newcomers mingled in gentle pre-match chaos. Fingers, playing for the second week after his exceptional showing at Hogs, high on confidence, the most positive outlook and frankly actual cricket skills, was raring to go with the delightful Thumbelina (Fingers’ girlfriend) on debut to support. Also on debut: Crabs/Crabbies, from the line of Trash, positioned as a terrific bloke, average cricketer : canny marketing from Trash. Crabs would only deliver upside from this initial positioning.

Enter stage left: Chef, our resident antipodean wildcard, who met Fingers with the chilling phrase, “Let me smell ’em,” and an aura that suggested both deep cricketing wisdom and mild parole conditions. Nicknamed, with minimal political correctness, Cheffrey Epstein, the man exudes both danger and a love of Borat, always 2 seconds from an apology (on this occasion to Thumbelina)

some enjoyed the Sun’s legendary Roast Beef Sandwich with Roasties

So after the pre-match preparations, the casual amble across to Dunsfold cricket ground, we found we would be batting first on a pitch that looked like a sandpapered trampoline. Pirate and Kamikaze strolled out with all the confidence of men unaware of how often they'd be hit in the chest. Pirate, eschewing a helmet in the most Yorkshire of ways, played like Brian Close with a death wish and a top hand made of oak. Balls leapt like salmon, then skittered like pucks. He was eventually run out for 24, declaring that singles were “no way for a man to live” and pointing out a bruise “on his tits.” Kamikaze matched his partner with a fast and stylish 24, smashing half-volleys before falling to one that rolled under his bat with the enthusiasm of a limbo stick. Crabs debuted with poise and a technique that utterly betrayed his humble billing, only to edge behind for 4.

Kwakka and Fingers now at the wicket, Fingers was able to pick up exactly where he left off, dispatching bad balls and even worse balls for 4s and 6s. Kwakka was back in the shed after 14, owed to another one that shot along the ground. A minor middle-order collapse of regular top performers, Trash and Beetle, for 6 and 10 respectively, meant Cat needed to steady the ship while Fingers did his thing.

Do his thing, he most certainly did, racing to 50 quickly and incurring a mandatory retirement, leaving Pobs and Cat at the wicket together and the odds of a run-out decreasing from 80-1 to 4-6.

Fingers retires on 50

Despite the heightened risk, Cat worked the ball around for 9 before being bowled, bringing Motty to the crease to delight the crowds with a fast 14, including a 6 into the road with the on-drive. Pobs, caught and bowled, left Chef at the wicket to welcome back Fingers after his declaration. 180 felt like a decent score. A few more blows from Fingers before a looped catch to the WK from Chef on 2, and that was the Peckers’ innings : all out for 183. 

Dunsfold’s faithful support team provided sandwiches of impeccable structure, brownies of structural integrity, and fruitcake so potent it may have technically been a performance enhancer. Motty, never a man to overlook a pairing, had brought a chilled Pinot Noir. Two more jugs of Tilford Hankley Gold fetched by Beetle and Fingers were accompanied by five packs of scampi fries — It was almost as if he could sense the theme of the report and wanted to cement his nickname…or maybe he just loves Scampi

Fingers and Thumb…-elina, and said Scampi Fries

Time for the Woodpeckers to field. Opening up, Beetle and Motty were looking to extract the same inconsistency of bounce with brisk pace and a consistent length.Motty cleaned up opener St Aubyn. Beetle induced a catch to Pobs, who took it as if haunted by the ghost of missed catches past (redemption for Porto) and another grab later. Motty would finish with 2-22 (you must say it in that voice), and Beetle, incentivised by the classic “one more if you get a wicket” clause, clawed his way to 2-45.

Fielding  traditionally a suggestion, not a requirement ,was elevated by Fingers’ infectious energy behind the stumps and Crabs’ magnetism. The ball found him like he owed it money. Catches were held (!), dives were attempted (!!), and Chef... well, Chef dropped one, and two sharper chances. But with comic timing.

He wears it well

That said, the match moved into an interesting phase. Despite the brisk fall of wickets, Dunsfold were not just keeping up with the run rate , they were ahead of it. Four wickets down after 9 overs on 63, Chef and Cat failed to get a breakthrough and Dunsfold found themselves at 103 for 4 after 17 overs thanks to a middle-order partnership from Watkins and Richardson. This meant 80 runs from 18 overs with six wickets in hand.

(Pob’s paragraph) At this point just before drinks I was worried -a fair amount of Beer(and Pinot) had been drunk and Dunsfold were well ahead of the rate. At the Lord’s pre season net, Kwakka having previously been a spinner had revealed some tidy medium pace, and sure enough he got that all-important breakthrough, another great juggled stumping from Fingers standing up.

From Back L-R Beetle, Kami, Crabs, Traash, Pob, Cat, Chef, Thumbelina, Fingers, Kwakka, Otto, Pirrate

Another bowling change from the top end saw Trash inevitably take another wicket and momentum shift back to the Peckers. Once Watkins was bowled with a stinker from Kwakka, Dunsfold’s chase looked over. Two more quick wickets from Trash and Kwakka, and it left just one wicket remaining.

Pob- stinker??? Kwakka bowled an absolutely impeccable spell , can’t remember a bad ball and ended with 4 overs , 3 maidens, 3 wickets for ONE RUN!!

Middle Stump! A bonnet-ted Beetle can only admire

Drinks always gets a wicket , just before the break in the 17th over, an average ball from Kwakka and some smart glove work from Fingers stumped Richardson, and Dunsfold were 5 down.. Enter Pirate, with his unique lunar-tuned spin, and a fine catch from Motty in the deep. Dunsfold were all out for 121. Three Wins in a row for the Peckers!

Back to The Sun Inn for a few more Hankley Golds, salty snacks and speeches. The sun was setting as Pobs provided some kind words on 20 years of playing at Dunsfold, bringing things up to date with a finely justified Man of the Match award for Fingers, applause for Thumbelina (who really hadn’t expected to be so involved), and a special mention for Crabs’ perfect debut.Chef, of course, retained the Jester’s Hat, which now feels like part of his tax status.

This isn’t just a team. It’s a movement. If Manchester United had the Class of ’92, the Woodpeckers have 2025, a golden generation of good blokes, strong drinks, bad knees, and great Sundays.

Long may it continue.

Fingers enjoys his Man of the Match Sambuca

Hampshire Hogs

Match Report: Peckers vs Hampshire Hogs

Venue: The Hampshire Hogs CC
Date: A glorious Sunday in May
Match Type: Timed game

On one of those rare English mornings that make you forget winter ever existed, 11 bright-eyed Peckers (plus a delayed but enthusiastic Pobsy) gathered at what is widely considered the crown jewel of our fixture list- the Hampshire Hogs’ ground. With its rolling countryside, lush outfield, and bucolic charm, it was the perfect backdrop for the 11th edition of this spirited clash. A fixture steeped in narrative and history, though not one overly kind to the travelling side: just 3 wins to 7 defeats before this latest chapter.

Knowing the odds and the importance of fielding a full-strength team, our regular skipper graciously stepped aside. In his place, Henry “Bomber” Walpole took over as stand-in captain, with calm authority and a hint of understated chaos. The team had a youthful feel - all under the age of 33 save for loyal club legends Motty and Henners, who bring as much tradition as they do talent.

The Toss & The Task Ahead

As is customary in this fixture, the toss was lost, and unsurprisngly we were asked t bowl in what would be our only times game of the season - a real test of discipline, patience and cricketing mettle. The start time of 11.30am arrived with the sun shining, the birds chirping, and two familiar figures take the new ball: Spinach (Just Chris) and Motty.

A wonderful setting for a day of chaos, lunchtime delights and the birth of a Pecker cult hero.

Spinach, bowling with the kind of pace and aggression you dream of, applied early pressure with a fiery spell that deserved far more than a wicketless return. His misfortune with edges falling short or evading the fielders became a running theme early on. Meanwhile, Motty - after a few tentative starts - found his rhythm, and like a vintage diesel engine warmed into a glorious groove, picking up two key wickets and troubling the Hogs with movement and guile.

It was behind the stumps where the first spark of brilliance came: a sharp catch from Freddie Fingers, our charismatic new wicketkeeper who has quickly become a cult favourite. He would go on to have an unforgettable game.

A Chaotic Mid-Morning & A Bowling MasterclaSS

Just as the momentum began to build, we were reduced to 10 as Greasy made an early exit to prepare the much-anticipated lunchtime paella. The umpires - both amusingly named Malcolm - weren’t particularly pleased. “You are taking the piss, aren’t you?” and “He’s really f***ed us here,” were among the more memorable soundbites drifting from the square. Fortunately, the arrival of Pobsy (who had pre-arranged a sub fielder) restored us to a full contingent, bounding onto the field with the enthusiasm of a retriever reunited with it favourite ball.

The Hog’s top order, although aesthetically pleasing in their strokes, were seemingly stuck in first gear - the product of fine private school technique perhaps, but lacking any kind of bite. Enter the Magic Carpet, the much-hyped left-arm debutante from the Beetle family tree. Mocked early as ‘Sleeves’ for donning his school jumper in 22-degree heat, he soon silenced everyone with a spell that will live long in club folklore. 9 overs, 4 wickets for just 14 runs - a debut to savour. His ability to change pace, whilst maintaining excellent line and length will be the envy of many Peckers, and moving the ball both ways left the Hogs clueless.

Partnering him from the other end was Tweaker, cousin of Trash and leg-spinner of rare skill. Despite his youth, his maturity was evident in every over. Finishing with 2 for 12 off his 9, he choked the Hog’s innings with a combination of control and clever variation.

At lunch, the Hogs were reeling at 86-7 - a staggering turnaround and testament to a remarkable passage of bowling.

Majorly regretting his offer of home made paella

Lunch: More Than Just a Meal

Since Covid Hogs only supply tea and the previous lavish lunches disappeared. The Peckers have made it their mission to restore this tradition, supplying and cooking a delicious BBQ a few years ago. The newcomers joining the whatsapp group must have wondered if we were playing cricket as the chat centred on what we were going to have for lunch and who was bringing the port. Greasy volunteered his Chicken Chorizo and King Prawn Paella and it was nothing short of culinary excellence. To complement it, a fine cheese, chutney and port selection courtesy of Motty and Cat’s Port added an aristocratic touch. Captain Bomber had very kindly sponsored the massive Paella enjoyed by Peckers. Hogs, officials and spectators alike so spirits were high, bellies full, and the game, for once, seemed our to lose.

Unfortunately for Cat, lunch marked his peak. Pre-lunch, he had become a magnet for both dropped catches and bruises, enduring a torrid session in the slips that left many questioning the continued selection of his “moob hands” in the cordon.

Cat was first in the queue for lunch…..shock

The Fightback & Final Flourish

By ten minutes after lunch the Magic Carpet had secured his fourth wicket and Fingers had taken five catches. This is a double-debutante record that will never be broken, and endorsed Pob’s decision to warm the bench. The Hogs, predictably, then dug in, attempting to post a competitive total.

Henners, ever the showman and franchise-style cricketer, brought himself on to break the monotony - and did just that. With support from a wicket from Greasy, the innings was finally wrapped up for 171 off 54 overs, with Khajit Sharma left 54 not out in just under 2 hours

The Magic Carpet and Magic Fingers posing with their proud Pecker daddy Beetle

The Chase Begins: From Cruise Control to Classic Collapse

With 172 the target, Beetle and Greasy began brightly. Though the Hogs opened with serious pace, both batsmen found a way. Greasy, often accused of impatience, surprised everyone with a well-measured knock of 39. At 74-1, things looked routine.

Then came the inevitable. Three wickets in as many overs. Beetle bowled, Merry cleaned up by a peach for a strong 20. Bomber gone too. From 74-1 to 78-4. The dreaded Pecker collapse was on. I had to hastily interrupt a game of Boules to get padded up.

Thankfully, cousins Trash and Tweaker stabilised the innings. Tweaker, though soon bowled by a spinning beauty, had helped swing momentum back. In came Fingers….

Fingers: The Showman

What followed was an exhibition. Laughing his way to the crease, relaxed as if in a Sunday net, Fingers dismantled the Hog’s bowling with a flurry of cuts, drives and flamboyant stokes. He smashed four consecutive boundaries through point, accelerating the chase and lifting the team’s morale.

With one run needed and Trash on 47*, Fingers offered the ultimate team gesture - to see out the over so Trash could reach his fifty. However, the very next ball Fingers danced down the track, going against his word, and sealed the game with a lofted boundary. Win by five wickets. Cult status confirmed. A true Pecker was born!

Two Teams enjoy the last of the sunshine

Final Thoughts

In the end, the Peckers chased down 172 with confidence, chaos, and a lot of character. It was a day for debutants, veterans, and cult heroes. A day of laughter, camaraderie, and proper cricket. A day we’ll all remember. We gathered as the Peckers won back the Gette Cup, in loving memory of Christopher Bazalgette who set up the fixture with Otto.

Special thanks to Greasy for his unforgettable paella, and to Bomber. Motty, and Cat for elevating the mid-game dining experience. Could this be the beginning of a winning juggernaut?

We move on to Dunsfold on Sunday. The story continues……

Result -Woodpeckers 175-5 beat Hampshire Hogs 171 all out by 5 wickets

https://hampshirehogs.play-cricket.com/website/results/7032833

Ripley

There are few fixtures more familiar — or fondly anticipated — than Ripley. Over 70 years of visiting the same lovely ground, soaking up the tradition, and testing ourselves on a pitch that stubbornly refuses to hand out runs. It’s become a true Woodpeckers institution, and this year was no different. Ripley fielded a quietly strong side, a mixture of 1s and 2s players with not a junior or oldster in sight.

Chef turned up in this….and was awrded Bonnet for ‘drop-out’ offences

We bowled first, opening with Spinach and Tiddles, who set the tone immediately. Spinach, our Pecker of the Year, delivered a probing spell with his usual blend of accuracy and menace, conceding very little and finishing with a lovingly sent beamer to round it off. Tiddles was no less stingy at the other end, picking up a deserved wicket in the process of gathering figures of 1-13 from his 7 overs. 

Chef entered the fray next, having earlier arrived dressed in full Guy Ritchie chic — a shell suit ensemble that left the Ripley crowd blinking in disbelief. Last ball of his second over-he’d gone for 13 and Skipper mulling as we needed a wicket at 79-3. Khan smashed one high to deep mid-off where Tiddles is standing. The ball dropped, missed his hands but landed in the comforting embrace of his left tit — and stuck. No hands required, no movement needed. Possibly the safest part of the ground all day. This was a turning point as Chef swapped style for substance, delivering a crafty spell of spin full of guile and control. earning figures of 3-21.

from back row L-R Chef, Spinach, Levers, Beetle, Cat, Novichok. (Horse and GG cheer squad), Kamikaze, Smeagol and Myrtle, Bumpy, Tiddles, Pobsy

Cat, last to arrive — slipping through the gate during the first over — eventually joined the bowling attack, charging in with pace from the favoured end and letting loose a few that really zipped. Dunger bowled with hostility and presence, while Novichok threw in his usual cocktail of liquorice allsorts and landed a deserved breakthrough. 

Out in the field, Groundskeeper was as committed as ever, Myrtle kept morale higher than our batting average, and Pobsy captained with astute calm — frequently adjusting the field with tactical precision, almost always just after the ball had gone exactly where he moved it from.  

Ripley made steady progress but never broke free due to some strong fielding and bowling, allowing the bonnet to gather dust in April. We eventually bowled them out for 145 exactly the total we chased in our last match against Ripley. The fielding was excellent and the bonnet gathered dust in a faultless display

Tea followed, and it was a solid affair: quiche, cheese and pickle sandwiches, a forest of jam tarts, and a rare but welcome appearance from Battenberg cake. As is customary, only the fruit remained untouched. The first ball of the batting season was caught on video

The chase began with early stutters. Cat, having already secured the bonnet for arriving mid-over, opened the batting and was gone before anyone could properly sit down. Bumpy, whose work behind the stumps had been tidy if unspectacular, couldn’t find traction with the bat either..

Our Opening pair of Bumpy Cat before they magically transformed into a brace of Mallards

Levers came in to join his great mate and Pecker Daddy Kamikaze with the score at 4-2, but was undaunted smashing four boundaries in a fluent 20, before edging one. 42-2. Then the wheels came off. Beetle and Novichok seemed unhappy at being left out of the ‘Ducks’ club and made it a very unappealing four quackers in the top six batsmen. Smeagol managed 3 at least, but no-one seemed to want to stay with Kamikaze. They would rather impersonate the pilot by giving their wickets away, Kami stood tall amid the wobble, playing an elegant and authoritative 59 — full of timing, placement and serenity. Eventually he could bear the solitude no longer, and after 12 boundaries this happened, cruelly captured by Smeagol umpiring

 We were now in real trouble at 71-6, facing a decent bowling attack on a minefield of a pitch. Spinach and Pobsy scrambled to double figures at least. Tiddles, fresh and slightly lame from a standout bowling shift and chest-based catch of the year, was run out by his skipper in a moment of tragic Pecker inevitability.

a few choice expletives may have been muttered

Chef tried to stabilise things at the end, but the required rate and the weight of the collapse proved too much. We were all out for 114, 31 runs short. 

Horse and Gigi arrived for the final hour, bringing energy and noise. Kamikaze, pint in hand post-match, began explaining what civil engineering actually involves — at which point Gigi interjected with characteristic clarity: “So… you don’t even do the drawings?” One of the day’s sharper reads. 

The bonnet stayed fixed on Cat’s head from first over to last sandwich — his late arrival uncontested, his overall contribution typically Cat. 

A game of two halves -a brilliant bowling and fielding display, followed by the kind of volume of Duck that causes one to order extra pancakes and hoi sin sauce. . Ripley played well and deserved the win — but the Pecker spirit, as ever, was irrepressible.and the kind of camaraderie that keeps us coming back. 

Onward.

Our Ripley men of Match Chef ‘n’ Kami caught in a loving embrace. The third hero Tiddles was jealously icing his left titty in the changing room

Sanderstead

Sanderstead, a beautiful cricket ground, just south of Croydon, (Can I say that in the same sentence), was the destination of the Woodpeckers second game of the 2025 season, on a beautiful warm mid Spring Sunday.   

The annual post match curry was the enticement to gather a great flock of Peckers, although as many arrived at the ground for an earlier than normal 12.30pm start, a few were, following the previous night’s revelries, far from thinking about a curry after the game!

Now Alan Hansen famously said ‘You win nothing with kids’, but there a quintet of 14 year olds were about to put that theory to the test. It had been a quiet few decades for the age group since Mozart wrote his first opera at that age and Nadia Comeneci scored a 10.0 at the Olympics. But 4000 miles away on a different cricket pitch 14-year-old Vaibhav Suryavanshi announcedhimself as a global megastar with the second fastest ever century in the IPL in just 35 balls.

Back in Sanderstead a quartet of home-grown 14-year olds were about to make life very difficult for the Peckers.Pirrate and Mama Cass opened the innings, our first games of the season, with talk on the way to the crease about how we just wanted to get a run on the board and stop feeling so hungover!

Sanderstead opened up with a spinner, which certainly did not make the openers feel anymore alive!  Pirrate was bowled, out for a 9 ball 9 by the 14-year-old Jake Cronin, then quickly followed back to the lovely Sanderstead pavilion by Felix, (scoring 2, to ensure an average for the season). It was a Golden, first ball of the season, duck for Mama Cass, albeit it was in the 4th over of the day, leaving the Peckers 16-3., with young Jake Cronin on his wqay to 2-22 

Some debate ensued on the boundary about whether Mama had achieved a Diamond Duck, but Tiddles put us straight that was being out without facing a ball. 

Moleman, carrying a slight groin strain from a game the day before, and Trash, steadied the ship, and got us back on track for a score that we hoped would get us over 200 from our allocated 35 overs. 

Sanderstead then started to rotate the bowling with the more “experienced” leg spinners taking an end each, which led Trash to opening up the shoulders and reach 51 by the 14th over. He then had to retire as the skippers agreed we would have too much for Sanderstead before we started, but after the first 4 overs this seemed like a bad ask! (More to come on this later)

Trash then spent the rest of the innings on the sidelines telling everyone that once he was back in he would get us well over the 200 par score we needed…..! 

Wickets continued to fall at a too frequent rate and Chef was soon nowhere to be found, after going to charge his car…..or at least that’s what he told us. So Snax, was now padded up, ready to go in at 9, as the Peckers fell to 116 for 5 and Trash retired. 

Greasy managed a few hefty blows to reach 18 before being bamboozled by the extra slow leg spin and thinking about the multiple strokes he could play and then got caught behind playing none of them!

Moleman continued to slowly accumulate some runs and eventually also got to his 50, before going back in at the end and finishing with 60 Not Out.

Unfortunately, he was now batting with Tiddles, as Trash had gone back in, with the Peckers now only 157 with 7 overs left, to get our par score of 200, but had the same issue as Greasy and ended up skying his first ball up in the air to be caught without adding to his 51 from earlier. 

The tail had not wagged, albeit Snax was triggered by Greasy Goldfinger, when looking a valuable watch for the onlooking crowd and Peckers squad!  Peckers all out in 29.2 overs for just 169. Some way short of what we thought was a par score. Sanderstead’s 14-year-old leg spinner Sam Hiscock wrapping up the innings finishing with 3 for 8 from 3.2 overs. 

The Peckers were certainly not confident as we sat around eating a wonderful tea, likely the best on the circuit, especially the strawberry scones, which were a particular delight on such a lovely sunny day.

Lovely to be back with old friends Sanderstead

Things got no better. The two opening batters for Sanderstead, skipper Palfrey and Elleray, got off to a great start and only when Chef was brought on and Palfrey holed out to Trash in the deep for 47, did we get our first wicket, Sanderstead 87 for 1 in the 15th over. One over of which had gone for 16 from Greasy, who thought beamers were the only thing that would help our cause! 

Drinks taken, with somber discussion of going for the curry early ensued and we slowly went back to our fielding expecting it all over in the next 8-10 overs.        

However Chef was now on a roll, Pobsy switching him to up the hill and finding a really nice length that started to really tie one end up. Trash came on downhill and runs started to really dry up for Sanderstead, once opener Elleray had retired. Wickets were also now falling at.a reasonable rate, although some of us were worried of the Opener coming back in to finish the job. Chef and Trash combined to take 4-49 from there 14 overs. We were back in the game, if we could make dot balls our friend! 

Back came Tiddles in to the attack, rumbling up the small hill, his run up, getting shorter and harder every ball, but the miserly opening bowler ended with 1-19 with 2 maidens in his 7 overs. The Peckers could smell a first win of the season in the offing! 

Cat and Greasy came back in to bowl and both made up for there earlier batting challenges and bowling spell respectively, to really twist the game in our favour, with Cat collecting 2 late wickets. Sanderstead falling short at 154. 

Snax perked up after drinks was keen to tell Dan the Cameraman how his 0-18 had played a pivotal role

A remarkable come back from the Peckers, who were dead and buried at drinks in the 2nd innings, but with our Skipper Pobsy, consistent in his approach, ensuring we were all on it in the field, pushing back on the many Pecker suggestions and getting us over the line! 

The scribes MOM was Tiddles for his very tight, cornettoless bowling but ultimately Trash and Moleman had provided us a score to defend, especially when our 4th highest scorer was byes! It was also wonderful to see the 14-year-olds make such a valuable contribution and gave us consolation that our great game is alive and well.

The day finished with a lovely trip up to the Panahar and the annual curry, accompanied by Aesch representing Sanderstead and giving Pobsy an opportunity to provide plentiful of stories of old. The chat was about how we had come back in the game and what the summer ahead was going to be like. No game next week, but a trip to Hampshire Hogs is next up and many were excited at the prospect! 

Peckers Up!

Here are the 20-minute highlights wonderfully filmed and edited by Dan

2025 Woodpeckers Annual Dinner and Awards

It was wonderful to celebrate another fun and exciting cricket season for the Woodpeckers. My annual task and pleasure is to re-read the match reports from the season. The first report was from last year’ dinner and told a wonderful story of a record-breaking season and we which we won 10 games in a row, 7 to start the season and a highest ever margin of Victory .. I knew that I didn't have quite the material to work with in terms of success on the pitch but we'd still had tremendous fun doing it.

We did set one record very early in the season by arranging the club’s very first ever overseas tour f to Oporto Cricket and Lawn Tennis Club in April. I'd been trying to arrange it for seven years that had been stymied by covid etc. The tour was a wonderful occasion and will make it an objective to record some photos and stories on the website at some stage . John ‘Ducky’ Peters became we think the oldest pecker on record at 76(and still playing golf off nine), and there was also a 62 year age gap between himself and wheezy aka Vlad the inhaler.

When a wandering club has a record breaking season and publishes wonderful match reports to celebrate the fact, they better watch out for the following year. Our hosts remember and field much stronger teams and we struggled badly for a nasty patch in the summer. Tilford, Blackheath and Barnes Common all clubs we have a personal connection with fielded three of the strongest teams I can remember playing against. So we went to Marlow on August 4th trying to avoid a new record of seven losses in a row.Trash had brought a few ringers to help including Tweaker and Djogo. Woodpecker match reports are an excellent part of the season started by our wonderful LP and we honor the finest with the Pecker Pulitzer Prize. The writer for this Marlow game scribed a beauty.

Headmaster Twinkle receives the Pecker Pulitzer Prize

I will let the Headmaster tell the story from here.. Peckers batting 1st …’ cometh the hole, cometh the Mole! sure enough, in strode our talpidaeic hero to scratch a guard, adjust his sights, and commence what was to be his great dig. The first part of his rescue act was Rootish in its numbers with plenty of 1s and 2s with the odd boundary-finder thrown in for good measure While Moley tapped away at the bowler’s figures, Tweaker went for the heavy artillery, starting with a lovely cover drive for 4, before firing off several shells in the direction of the pavilion and river. Soon enough, though, the opening bowler Aslam had him caught off a feisty one for a threatening but short-lived 17; Aslam was now well warmed up and firing rockets himself.let off some big shots before missing a straight one which kept low, he claimed.-he added 8 and the Peckers opening gambit stood at 76 for 5 off the first 20 overs. ’ .,

‘Marlow may have been forgiven for thinking this was going to be a slow morning. They had dealt with the Trash after all, but were not expecting at this point a visit from the Milkman, who stole in quietly and began to take liberties with their domestic arrangements. The glass that seemed half empty began to look half full as Milky Milky and Moley Moley began to churn out the runs in udderly irrepressible fashion . Deggsy compiled a classy 19 in a 10-over partnership that was to be the bedrock to the innings and Moley gave the Umpire Shep something to smile about with a final score of 111’

This fine century helped break the sequence and was a big part of Moleman's 351 runs for the season scored at 43 and more than double the next highest run scorer. He scored 349 runs in 2022 and 357 runs in 2023 so incredible consistency from our own run machine and pecker batting Cup winner Moleman

Traash hands over the batting cup to his former alarm clock, the Mole

The disheveled cousin of the pecker Batting Cup is the ferret award. Tail Enders were traditionally referred to as rabbits or bunnies but in old hunting days they used to send the ferrets in after the rabbits! A couple of players were lucky to have not played enough games to qualify. Multi -ferret-award winner Potty dropped from 2.67 to 2, and Mama Cass in his first two games managed an average of 0.5. In the full averages it was extremely close the reigning champion Snax boosted his average from 1.7 to 4.7 and was just ahead of Otto on 4.5. This year we have an Australian ferret, whh just lost out..7 innings 13 runs at 4.3 Chefrey Epstein

The Audrey Scovell Award goes to someone who supports the club wholeheartedly. Dupa has been incredibly generous sponsoring many Peckers Events, food at the Christmas do, a generous contribution today and threw his entire kit bag in for the raffle. He’s a top bloke and we are delighted to present him with this special award.

A new award the Liam Payne memorial award to the ‘party animal’ of the club. Pirrate and Horse were well nominated for their all-day binges at sporting events. When going through the reports most had photos of a horribly hungover Traash lying by the pitch exhausted. It’s been said he doesn’t do things by halves by managed to half his batting average and double his bowling. It’s been said the Trash is only going in ‘One Direction’ but he assures me he’s on a new health-kick for the 2025 season and determined to get the returns his talents merit

He loves pricey Smints

There is a lot to be done running the club and the Kindly Bueno award recognises those who have helped shoulder the load. Otto with printouts and fixture list, Moleman doing a great job on Play-Cricket and the Cat managing the Kit and Engraving duties. He gets a special bar for being the Kit Kat (Chunky)

The Clubman Award remembers Chris Rossi, a wonderful man we miss dearly. This year’s winner encapsulates the spirit of Rossi, as like Rossi he’s generally the first man to the bar (even when a student) and takes an enthusiastic interest in all his team-mates. He is also loved by all and a great Clubman, Groundskeeper Smeagol

After an all-day ‘lunch’ with Cat he got a bit carried away supping from the Cup -no damage done thankfully

We welcomed a number of wonderful new Peckers to the family in 2024. Plant and Princess the first fruits of the Mole Tree, Mama and Bison from that fruitful Spinach branch and Plotto and Scampi late in his jeans. This chap is the dashing svelte and talented cousin of Le Chat. Ollie ‘Beetle’ Dunger bowled sharply taking 5 wickets and making 100 runs in his two games. He was also delighted to win the grand prize of Dupa’s bat in the Raffle(which was brilliantly managed by the Old Horse)

Beetle was unlucky not have the qualifying criteria for the Owen-Browne Bowling Cup as were Smeagol with his 9 wickets at 5.2 and Potty with is 5 at 6. Sadly the averages proper didn’t match last year’s stellar bowling though. Spinach and Traash both got 14 wickets in the low 20s.

There was a turning point for Snax as he emerged from the bus at Latymer. He was enraged as he claimed a youngster sitting next to him on the bus has stolen his weed tin. We bowled first and as he was still furious but of remarkably clear eyes, so I gave him the new cherry to let off some steam. Hee bowled a beautiful spell, mesmerising the batsmen with full swinging deliveries. He took a brace of wickets four times and ended top of the bowling averages with 11 wickets at 20.

The motley cousin of the O-B cup is the Mr Kipling Buffet award. The Greasy Cat served up some tasty buffet but the clear winner. He was last year’s most improved player but the coaching wore off and perhaps distracted by turning 30 and proposing to Swedie, 2-145 -a 73 average at a mouthwatering 7.42.

There were some great catches to remember last season. Snax’s vital stinger in Game 2 off a hobbling Tiddles, Borgav’s one-hander at Ham. Novichok took a ‘diving in the dirt’ beauty to bring up Groundskeeper’s first 5-for at Kew was especially memorable for the riotous celebration that ensued. This Yorkshireman took two beauties including a nonchalant one-handed caught and bowled at Latymer

The Portuguese Tourist Board ‘Tourist of the Year’ award had many nominations , all for the apres-ski rather than the Cricket. Pirrate poured a lot of surplus money into the economy and in the midst of this frenzy Tiddles turned to him and said ‘This is a great way to spend my wedding anniversary’ He hit the biggest forehands at Padel and hoovered Cornettos, the lovable Tiddles

The Ducky Cup ‘underachievement’ award was inaugurated last year by Le Chat to honour his friend Merry’s tough year. Merry almost retained the trophy but made 49 in ‘that tie’ at Kew and his fellow-hobbit Pippin made a bid with 3 innings at 6. This year it goes to a ‘recognised’ all-rounder Otto who recorded the unfortunate stat of his bowling average of 45.5 being exactly 10 times that of his batting (4.5)

The room at the Avalon was lovely, the service excellent and the food absolutely delicious. We’ve uncovered a gem for future dinners

Our Chef congratulating their Chef.

Time for the big award of the night the Woodpecker of the year. This Chap was incredibly lucky not to win last year when he took 16 wickets at 11.26. This year he took another 11, and a captain’s knock of 43* at Ham. He has introduced many fine Peckers to the club including Mama, Bison and Lightning this year. He’s always cheerful. loves the club and is very supportive of the Skipper. The 2024 Pecker of the Year is Spinach aka Espinaga and Chris.

Spinach receives the trophy from incumbent Muttley