There are few fixtures more familiar — or fondly anticipated — than Ripley. Over 70 years of visiting the same lovely ground, soaking up the tradition, and testing ourselves on a pitch that stubbornly refuses to hand out runs. It’s become a true Woodpeckers institution, and this year was no different. Ripley fielded a quietly strong side, a mixture of 1s and 2s players with not a junior or oldster in sight.

Chef turned up in this….and was awrded Bonnet for ‘drop-out’ offences

We bowled first, opening with Spinach and Tiddles, who set the tone immediately. Spinach, our Pecker of the Year, delivered a probing spell with his usual blend of accuracy and menace, conceding very little and finishing with a lovingly sent beamer to round it off. Tiddles was no less stingy at the other end, picking up a deserved wicket in the process of gathering figures of 1-13 from his 7 overs.

Chef entered the fray next, having earlier arrived dressed in full Guy Ritchie chic — a shell suit ensemble that left the Ripley crowd blinking in disbelief. Last ball of his second over-he’d gone for 13 and Skipper mulling as we needed a wicket at 79-3. Khan smashed one high to deep mid-off where Tiddles is standing. The ball dropped, missed his hands but landed in the comforting embrace of his left tit — and stuck. No hands required, no movement needed. Possibly the safest part of the ground all day. This was a turning point as Chef swapped style for substance, delivering a crafty spell of spin full of guile and control. earning figures of 3-21.

from back row L-R Chef, Spinach, Levers, Beetle, Cat, Novichok. (Horse and GG cheer squad), Kamikaze, Smeagol and Myrtle, Bumpy, Tiddles, Pobsy

Cat, last to arrive — slipping through the gate during the first over — eventually joined the bowling attack, charging in with pace from the favoured end and letting loose a few that really zipped. Dunger bowled with hostility and presence, while Novichok threw in his usual cocktail of liquorice allsorts and landed a deserved breakthrough.

Out in the field, Groundskeeper was as committed as ever, Myrtle kept morale higher than our batting average, and Pobsy captained with astute calm — frequently adjusting the field with tactical precision, almost always just after the ball had gone exactly where he moved it from.

Ripley made steady progress but never broke free due to some strong fielding and bowling, allowing the bonnet to gather dust in April. We eventually bowled them out for 145 exactly the total we chased in our last match against Ripley. The fielding was excellent and the bonnet gathered dust in a faultless display

Tea followed, and it was a solid affair: quiche, cheese and pickle sandwiches, a forest of jam tarts, and a rare but welcome appearance from Battenberg cake. As is customary, only the fruit remained untouched. The first ball of the batting season was caught on video

The chase began with early stutters. Cat, having already secured the bonnet for arriving mid-over, opened the batting and was gone before anyone could properly sit down. Bumpy, whose work behind the stumps had been tidy if unspectacular, couldn’t find traction with the bat either..

Our Opening pair of Bumpy Cat before they magically transformed into a brace of Mallards

Levers came in to join his great mate and Pecker Daddy Kamikaze with the score at 4-2, but was undaunted smashing four boundaries in a fluent 20, before edging one. 42-2. Then the wheels came off. Beetle and Novichok seemed unhappy at being left out of the ‘Ducks’ club and made it a very unappealing four quackers in the top six batsmen. Smeagol managed 3 at least, but no-one seemed to want to stay with Kamikaze. They would rather impersonate the pilot by giving their wickets away, Kami stood tall amid the wobble, playing an elegant and authoritative 59 — full of timing, placement and serenity. Eventually he could bear the solitude no longer, and after 12 boundaries this happened, cruelly captured by Smeagol umpiring

We were now in real trouble at 71-6, facing a decent bowling attack on a minefield of a pitch. Spinach and Pobsy scrambled to double figures at least. Tiddles, fresh and slightly lame from a standout bowling shift and chest-based catch of the year, was run out by his skipper in a moment of tragic Pecker inevitability.

a few choice expletives may have been muttered

Chef tried to stabilise things at the end, but the required rate and the weight of the collapse proved too much. We were all out for 114, 31 runs short.

Horse and Gigi arrived for the final hour, bringing energy and noise. Kamikaze, pint in hand post-match, began explaining what civil engineering actually involves — at which point Gigi interjected with characteristic clarity: “So… you don’t even do the drawings?” One of the day’s sharper reads.

The bonnet stayed fixed on Cat’s head from first over to last sandwich — his late arrival uncontested, his overall contribution typically Cat.

A game of two halves -a brilliant bowling and fielding display, followed by the kind of volume of Duck that causes one to order extra pancakes and hoi sin sauce. . Ripley played well and deserved the win — but the Pecker spirit, as ever, was irrepressible.and the kind of camaraderie that keeps us coming back.

Onward.