Match Report: Peckers vs Hampshire Hogs
Venue: The Hampshire Hogs CC
Date: A glorious Sunday in May
Match Type: Timed game
On one of those rare English mornings that make you forget winter ever existed, 11 bright-eyed Peckers (plus a delayed but enthusiastic Pobsy) gathered at what is widely considered the crown jewel of our fixture list- the Hampshire Hogs’ ground. With its rolling countryside, lush outfield, and bucolic charm, it was the perfect backdrop for the 11th edition of this spirited clash. A fixture steeped in narrative and history, though not one overly kind to the travelling side: just 3 wins to 7 defeats before this latest chapter.
Knowing the odds and the importance of fielding a full-strength team, our regular skipper graciously stepped aside. In his place, Henry “Bomber” Walpole took over as stand-in captain, with calm authority and a hint of understated chaos. The team had a youthful feel - all under the age of 33 save for loyal club legends Motty and Henners, who bring as much tradition as they do talent.
The Toss & The Task Ahead
As is customary in this fixture, the toss was lost, and unsurprisngly we were asked t bowl in what would be our only times game of the season - a real test of discipline, patience and cricketing mettle. The start time of 11.30am arrived with the sun shining, the birds chirping, and two familiar figures take the new ball: Spinach (Just Chris) and Motty.
A wonderful setting for a day of chaos, lunchtime delights and the birth of a Pecker cult hero.
Spinach, bowling with the kind of pace and aggression you dream of, applied early pressure with a fiery spell that deserved far more than a wicketless return. His misfortune with edges falling short or evading the fielders became a running theme early on. Meanwhile, Motty - after a few tentative starts - found his rhythm, and like a vintage diesel engine warmed into a glorious groove, picking up two key wickets and troubling the Hogs with movement and guile.
It was behind the stumps where the first spark of brilliance came: a sharp catch from Freddie Fingers, our charismatic new wicketkeeper who has quickly become a cult favourite. He would go on to have an unforgettable game.
A Chaotic Mid-Morning & A Bowling MasterclaSS
Just as the momentum began to build, we were reduced to 10 as Greasy made an early exit to prepare the much-anticipated lunchtime paella. The umpires - both amusingly named Malcolm - weren’t particularly pleased. “You are taking the piss, aren’t you?” and “He’s really f***ed us here,” were among the more memorable soundbites drifting from the square. Fortunately, the arrival of Pobsy (who had pre-arranged a sub fielder) restored us to a full contingent, bounding onto the field with the enthusiasm of a retriever reunited with it favourite ball.
The Hog’s top order, although aesthetically pleasing in their strokes, were seemingly stuck in first gear - the product of fine private school technique perhaps, but lacking any kind of bite. Enter the Magic Carpet, the much-hyped left-arm debutante from the Beetle family tree. Mocked early as ‘Sleeves’ for donning his school jumper in 22-degree heat, he soon silenced everyone with a spell that will live long in club folklore. 9 overs, 4 wickets for just 14 runs - a debut to savour. His ability to change pace, whilst maintaining excellent line and length will be the envy of many Peckers, and moving the ball both ways left the Hogs clueless.
Partnering him from the other end was Tweaker, cousin of Trash and leg-spinner of rare skill. Despite his youth, his maturity was evident in every over. Finishing with 2 for 12 off his 9, he choked the Hog’s innings with a combination of control and clever variation.
At lunch, the Hogs were reeling at 86-7 - a staggering turnaround and testament to a remarkable passage of bowling.
Majorly regretting his offer of home made paella
Lunch: More Than Just a Meal
Since Covid Hogs only supply tea and the previous lavish lunches disappeared. The Peckers have made it their mission to restore this tradition, supplying and cooking a delicious BBQ a few years ago. The newcomers joining the whatsapp group must have wondered if we were playing cricket as the chat centred on what we were going to have for lunch and who was bringing the port. Greasy volunteered his Chicken Chorizo and King Prawn Paella and it was nothing short of culinary excellence. To complement it, a fine cheese, chutney and port selection courtesy of Motty and Cat’s Port added an aristocratic touch. Captain Bomber had very kindly sponsored the massive Paella enjoyed by Peckers. Hogs, officials and spectators alike so spirits were high, bellies full, and the game, for once, seemed our to lose.
Unfortunately for Cat, lunch marked his peak. Pre-lunch, he had become a magnet for both dropped catches and bruises, enduring a torrid session in the slips that left many questioning the continued selection of his “moob hands” in the cordon.
Cat was first in the queue for lunch…..shock
The Fightback & Final Flourish
By ten minutes after lunch the Magic Carpet had secured his fourth wicket and Fingers had taken five catches. This is a double-debutante record that will never be broken, and endorsed Pob’s decision to warm the bench. The Hogs, predictably, then dug in, attempting to post a competitive total.
Henners, ever the showman and franchise-style cricketer, brought himself on to break the monotony - and did just that. With support from a wicket from Greasy, the innings was finally wrapped up for 171 off 54 overs, with Khajit Sharma left 54 not out in just under 2 hours
The Magic Carpet and Magic Fingers posing with their proud Pecker daddy Beetle
The Chase Begins: From Cruise Control to Classic Collapse
With 172 the target, Beetle and Greasy began brightly. Though the Hogs opened with serious pace, both batsmen found a way. Greasy, often accused of impatience, surprised everyone with a well-measured knock of 39. At 74-1, things looked routine.
Then came the inevitable. Three wickets in as many overs. Beetle bowled, Merry cleaned up by a peach for a strong 20. Bomber gone too. From 74-1 to 78-4. The dreaded Pecker collapse was on. I had to hastily interrupt a game of Boules to get padded up.
Thankfully, cousins Trash and Tweaker stabilised the innings. Tweaker, though soon bowled by a spinning beauty, had helped swing momentum back. In came Fingers….
Fingers: The Showman
What followed was an exhibition. Laughing his way to the crease, relaxed as if in a Sunday net, Fingers dismantled the Hog’s bowling with a flurry of cuts, drives and flamboyant stokes. He smashed four consecutive boundaries through point, accelerating the chase and lifting the team’s morale.
With one run needed and Trash on 47*, Fingers offered the ultimate team gesture - to see out the over so Trash could reach his fifty. However, the very next ball Fingers danced down the track, going against his word, and sealed the game with a lofted boundary. Win by five wickets. Cult status confirmed. A true Pecker was born!
Two Teams enjoy the last of the sunshine
Final Thoughts
In the end, the Peckers chased down 172 with confidence, chaos, and a lot of character. It was a day for debutants, veterans, and cult heroes. A day of laughter, camaraderie, and proper cricket. A day we’ll all remember. We gathered as the Peckers won back the Gette Cup, in loving memory of Christopher Bazalgette who set up the fixture with Otto.
Special thanks to Greasy for his unforgettable paella, and to Bomber. Motty, and Cat for elevating the mid-game dining experience. Could this be the beginning of a winning juggernaut?
We move on to Dunsfold on Sunday. The story continues……
Result -Woodpeckers 175-5 beat Hampshire Hogs 171 all out by 5 wickets
https://hampshirehogs.play-cricket.com/website/results/7032833