Death, taxes, a peckers collapse (more to come on this later) and arriving to the quaint sleepy village of Chiddingfold only to find out the World’s Fair has landed on the same day as this most cherished of fixtures are the only certainties in life. 2025 is absolutely no exception.

Having managed to squeeze through the melee of children, antique cars, ice cream vans (was that Traash selling 99s to the younger generation?) and strangely enough a WWII tank, arriving at the small but well-funded ground provided a bit of calm. This calm was then cruelly ripped away when we realised we would have to park in the next village over due to lack of parking as a junior game was still rumbling on. The standard looked alarmingly high, and our skipper freshly decked out in new sneakers could be seen speaking to the Chidd skipper Woody ensuring none of this young talent would find their way into our game.

Chiddingfold skipper Woody surveying the upcoming talent pool for putting aging Peckers to the sword

The decently strong Peckers team arrived in the usual drips and drabs (yours truly had the shortest journey from Chez Samurai in Alfold where the morning was spent in the pool) and hugs and warm greeting were shared. Unfortunately, Snax slightly dampened the mood by telling Spinach just as they were embracing that he was still getting over his shingles. Once the last (much briefer) embraces had finished the skipper tossed up and decided to insert the opposition and test out the hangovers of our youthful side.

A green, still slightly soft wicket and a brand-new Huddersfield special ball meant only one thing, the wily fox Snax would be joining POTY Spin opening up. Skip’s decision was vindicated early as the very decent looking opener got himself all in a tizz against the demon heat coming from Snax and chipped up to Levers in the covers. Prem grade cricketers like Levers take these types of catches in their sleep and while he did hang on, the worried look on his face put doubt in the minds of some whilst it was in the air. What do you know, Snax’s second over brought another wicket, the number 3 was looking to the short square boundary and only managed to find Greasy patrolling deep square for Snax’s bodyline theory, the skipper did his best to put off Greasy by shouting his name just as he was about to catch it even though there wasn’t anyone within 30 yards, but the ball stuck.

Not content with 2 early breakthroughs, a third wicket fell to the man from the bottom end with another chip into the covers, this time taken by princess. Shocked faces were aplenty around the ground and there was a faint whiff of the scent of a Michelle hanging on the wind. Spin finally decided to get in on the act with a quick double, first a loopy one at gully then the big wicket of a cruising Woody caught and bowled, everything in the air seemed to be going to hand and somehow not then hitting the deck which is the usual order of things in the field for the Peckers.

A well-deserved sugary treat for the opening bowler. The less said about Cheffrey’s antics the better

The opening bowlers were duly given a rest with Cheffrey and Kwakka brought on. Kwakka’s medium pacers carried on where they left off at Dunsfold giving no quarter to the batsmen, unfortunately today it was all toil and no spoil with the Chidd middle order hunkering down.

As the run rate stalled a bit and interest from the fans online waned, the Skip livened things up by bringing on Plant. He immediately found a good length testing out the batsmen, unfortunately it was usually on the second or third bounce and the well set Chiddingfold number 6 (who would go on to make a very respectable 59) was granted a no-ball reprieve when caught at mid-on.

Wo would have thought a man with black sneakers and an untucked shirt could provide so much variety in his bowling?

All through the liquorice allsorts were being offered up at the other end, Chef kept plugging away with a good deal of turn and bounce but to no avail. Therefore, to get everyone going again, two leg gullies were deployed to get in the batsmen’s heads. Greasy in particular was stood in a position that looked like an offering for sacrifice more than a chance of taking a catch – plenty of squeals followed as anything legside was directed at his not inconsiderable head. Perhaps the plan did get in the batter’s heads as two quick wickets followed for the chef, the second of which being an absolute ripper through the gate.

Chiddingfold number 6 deciding which forehead to pull onto next

It is always great to have a decent plethora of supporters to come along and watch some pretty village standard cricket. I couldn’t quite convince Samurai to leave the rosé and pool to come and watch but there was a good crowd nonetheless. The future Mrs Spinach and friends were camped up on picnic rugs through the game and Princess’ father also came to watch. Unfortunately for him the famous Chiddingfold deckchairs were not quite as robust as he thought and ended up falling straight through one requiring the next man waiting to bat having to extract him with laughter ringing round the ground.

Father Princess being heaved out of the deckchair

The rest of the innings played through in typical Peckers fashion, some real toilet bowling from Levers, Kami and Greasy helping Chiddingfold on their way a more respectable total with the latter doing their best Liam Livingstone impressions. POBsy even got in on the action and some of the more childish members of the fielding outfit concocted a plan for a fielding restriction no-ball. As the man who had snuck behind square as he was running up I was appropriately scolded by the skipper and I kept my giggles to myself.

Snax was brought back for a second spell and while he did not quite get the Michelle he was looking for, another wicket left him with figures of 7 overs, 4 wickets for 20 runs and earned the applause as we walked off having bowled the home side out for 120. We also took 7 out of 7 catches which must be a Pecker record, though none of them could be described as Screamers. The Bonnet gathered dust

Once he was pointed in the right direction, Snax leads the team off after a great first half.

And on to the real star of the show, TEA. Another fantastic spread was laid on including plenty of sandwiches, homemade sausage rolls, cakes and pineapple. Only thing missing was some crisps, clearly Chiddingfold haven’t read my reports so far as no tea can earn 10/10 without them. This was all washed down by a lovely, chilled red provided by Kwakka. This is a new addition to the long list of Peckers traditions/quirks and is certainly one that I hope stays the course. There was a little bit of an issue once it was discovered that Chiddingfold don’t own a corkscrew (why would they tbf) but once the cork was shoved in the bottle the fruity number paired the sarnies well.

Teamwork makes the dreamwork opening the Vino

On to the batting. Greasy once again opened up the batting and was partnered by Kami who will happily tell anyone and everyone about that time he broke some roof tiles here a couple of years ago. As an opening pair they had slightly diverging fortunes, Greasy was cut in half a number of times by the young quickish opening bowler while Kami tried in vain to catch one out the middle of the bat and get somewhere near the roof again. They both went back to the changing rooms in quick order, Greasy caught behind off a genuine nut and Kami retired. (the oppo were quite surprised that Kami was 50 retired, with the score on 55-1(Greasy really dug in). It was a brilliantly fluent 50 on a tricky wicket.

Kamikaze retired due to horrible batting making the crowd feel unwell

At number 3 Princess refused to wear a helmet even as the lively deck sent a fair few whistling past his nose, he looked solid until he didn’t and holed out to mid-on. No matter, Fingers was next in and with a boundary that short he would surely make light work of the chase. He proceeded to whack it about but fell victim to the temptations and holed out to mid-on. Nay bother, Levers followed and played quite possibly the shot of the day over long off, the rising nerves were only briefly settled as he followed the glorious stroke by holing out to mid-on. Three strong batters, three good starts and three victims to the man at mid-on. Was this a fabled pecker collapse?

Yes.

Plant made sure of that with a brief stay at the crease and returned having been caught and bowled. Carnage on the boundary as everyone was scrambling for kit. When the dust settled it was Kwakka and Spin out in the middle, mostly with their own kit. Unfortunately for the neutrals these old hands quelled the fightback from Chidd and saw the peckers over the line chasing the 120 five wickets (& a retirement) down in 18 overs.

Chef with his goblet of wine discussing the convicts chances in the WTC final

Another fantastic day at Chiddingfold, superb hosts and a serve yourself bar lubricating sore heads through the day. A couple of years ago we had a good victory against Chiddingfold, they rocked up last year with a very strong team and promptly wiped the floor with us so Peckers will need to ensure good availability next year for a good fight. Whatever the result it is always a great day out and we look forward to many good games played in the right spirit and plenty of carnival carnage.

Back: Kwakka, Fingers, Plant, Spinach, Kamikaze. Front: Greasy, Princess, POBsy, Levers, Snax. One of your French Girls: Chef

Scorecard and videos can be found here: https://woodpeckers.play-cricket.com/website/results/6705279

All my love & Peckers up

Kami xox