Dunsfold

Fifteen years after the inaugural Peckers vs Peckers clash graced this very patch of turf, history repeated itself — albeit with slightly creakier hamstrings, a  torn calf and significantly worse decision-making. Scampi and chips at The Sun Inn washed down with a few local ales prepared the lads nicely for the feast ahead. 

After what can only be described as a “negotiated toss”, Dunsfold wanted to prepare teas and elected to bat first. Their innings began in style when one opener was cleaned up by Spinach via a full toss so rank it should’ve been reported to the authorities. The other opener, Sam, helped himself to 88. An Exeter University alumnus no less — joining the distinguished scholarly ranks of Gav and former Dunsfold skipper Ollie Bell, whose two sons turned out for the hosts.

Dunsfold glorious scene and sporing a new electronic scoreboard

In the field, Chef produced a masterclass in interpretive fielding, expertly orbiting several towering catches without once troubling the ball. Meanwhile Cat, fielding bravely with essentially one functioning paw, concealed a serious thumb injury with the quiet dignity of a wounded bull. 

Young Sam looked very much stumped by Chef — everyone knew it, everyone saw it, apart from square-leg umpire Dave, the octogenarian guardian of “benefit of the doubt”,  

Pirate later snaffled an absolute beauty at slip before failing to snaffle a couple of others -Gav shook off early rust and returned to the attack late, operating with the pace of continental drift  4 overs, 2-18. Chef chipped in with 2-20 off 6 . Spinach was economical, if hungover and Traash weighed in with a decent spell and Sméagol was unlucky not to pick up any wickets. A strong and plentiful sandwich selection was supplemented magnificently by Cat’s elite cheese board — Kami and Pirate marched out knowing rain was looming in 90 minutes and subtlety was not an option.

The cat who got the cream (Cheese)

Things started explosively: Kami smoked the first ball for four before immediately guiding the second to point. Fresh off his maiden Pecker Century -he was out 2nd ball. His partner Meg was there with her parents and asked why he hadn’t scored runs today? Peckers. 4-1. 

Borgav, moving like a man who’d just bowled four overs after a multi-year sabbatical, arrived at three and began punishing anything  short or full. After being nearly run out on 0 and dropped on 30 he survived - and together with Pirate they rebuilt steadily on a wicket with all the predictability of a trampoline. Pirate (9) eventually played on, while Borgav (41) was bowled by a left-armer operating around the wicket with no sightscreen behind him — a crime against batting if ever there was one.

A tinker delivers under leaden skies

 Trash arrived and dealt exclusively in immediate impact before being smartly caught at mid-off. 

Sensing victory, Dunsfold unleashed Bell — Ollie’s second son — whose off-spin was suddenly turning square under increasingly biblical skies. Enter Kwakka. With pressure mounting and rain clouds circling, he really struggled against the Tinker-man and was given a very generous life by mid-wicket. He decided attack was the best form of defence and launched Bell straight back over his head twice in glorious succession, two towering sixes that completely flipped the mood and possibly altered local air traffic.

Umpire was delighted by Kwakka’s blows

Kwakka rightly delighted after his sixes

Then Moley joined the fun, treating the short ball with undisguised contempt. Luckily the home team had a cache of extra balls as up to 6 disappeared into the woods around the ground. The forecast rain began to fall and Mole hit the accelerator as the Peckers surged toward their target of 142. Mole went for the winning runs

The next man in was Cat (one paw short) who after nearly being timed out, being much slower with the pads than he was with cheese

Peckers victorious again: five straight wins, achieved with 8 overs and 4 wickets to spare. 

Top contributions:

Moley 44

Gav 41

Kwakka 22 (and two morale-destroying bombs)

Celebrations commenced immediately outside The Sun Inn opposite the ground, where hot roast potatoes drowned in gravy disappeared at alarming speed and the opposition stayed on to reminisce on the glorious day that unfolded. Thanks again to Dunsfold for being such great hosts

Roll on, Peckers.

Horse (mgr), Spin, Pirrate, POB, Mole, Borgav, GK Smeagol, Traash, Cat, Chef, Kami, Kwakka

Hampshire Hogs

An 11:30 morning start down in Hampshire means an early departure from SW London, Cat kindly took Cheffry, Kami and Lav down in Red Rod the BMW, Cat got us there in ample time. The morning had started with a text from Cousin David, we need Port, cricket spikes and jumpers. On arrival we knew what he meant about extra jumpers its was frigid and windy. After a late dropout, enter Cousin David who has added to his lineage, with keeper Chicken Drumsticks and quick Power Ranger. Hog’s has been a fixture since 2011, with the Hogs slightly ahead on wins.

Cousin David inducting Drumsticks into the Pecker fold

John Portal won the toss and, without a moment’s hesitation, elected to bat. In a timed match, that decision carries particular weight — bat too long and you leave insufficient time to bowl the opposition out; declare too early and you hand them a gettable target. As it turned out, Portal read the conditions well and Henners would have batted as well.

Peckers into the field, beanies, long sleeves and jumpers for the bracing wind. Dom Titcomb and Henry Lewis strode out to face Cousin and The Power Ranger.
At the heart of the batting was Dom Titcomb, who produced one hell of a knock, considering in the second over he reached for one outside off and claimed to have done his back in. His magnificent 111 not out off 135 balls, studded with 18 boundaries, was a masterclass in concentration, skill, and sheer determination.
Henry Lewis also set the tone admirably alongside him, the pair combining for a healthy 40-run opening stand that immediately vindicated the Hogs captain’s decision to bat first. Lewis’s 16 off 29 was a composed and watchable knock — until The Power Ranger, on debut for the Woodpeckers, produced the delivery to end it, announcing himself on the Pecker stage after Cous had pulled rank and made him toil up the hill. The Big Blonde was immaculately tidy throughout his 5 overs — conceding just 14 runs and creating pressure that was every bit as valuable as wickets.

The call to arms on the Whatsapp group was clear

The middle order then encountered some tidy and disciplined bowling from Chefry, who simply did his job — kept it tight, stayed in his channel, and was perhaps fortunate enough to pick up a few wickets along the way. These things have a habit of evening themselves out over a season, and Chefry would be the first to acknowledge that on another day those same deliveries might have gone unpunished. William Jonas (2) and Alex Ross (3) both departed before captain John Portal contributed a measured 10 off 26 before being pinned lbw. Rob Portal then chipped in with 5 before Henners produced two sharp deliveries that accounted for him and Charlie Parkinson in quick succession. Henners getting two wickets in an over
It was at this point — with the innings in a precarious state and the scoreboard looking somewhat thin — that Fin Patterson-Thick made his way to the crease to join Titcomb. What followed was a partnership that would prove pivotal not just in terms of runs, but in terms of what it survived. The two batsmen navigated a testing spell before lunch, soaking up pressure, seeing off the bowling, and crucially — carrying the innings to the interval still intact, the pair had done their job admirably, and the mood in the Hampshire Hogs camp had lifted considerably as they sat down to what awaited them. Special note on Lav he bowled three overs only going for 9 runs and was the only Pecker not to own (beg or borrow) a jumper.

Two skippers in one shot.

• Lunch: A Splendid Interlude
  Upon arriving back to the Pavilion we were served a wonderful lunch, served by Hog’s President himself what an honour, little did we know that lunch would go on to until 3:45.
  Two hours and fifteen minutes of rain-enforced leisure is, in lesser hands, a frustration. In Pecker hands, it was a triumph. The table feasted under the weight of poached trout — delicate, perfectly prepared, and exactly the sort of thing that reminds you cricket is, at its heart, a civilised pursuit. Alongside it, a potato salad as well as pasta salad and a crisp green salad .. The main course gave way, as all good lunches must, to a cheese board of Stilton, Brie and fine cheddar, accompanied by Cheffry’s 2012 Malvedos port and Theakston ales that warmed the soul given what awaited outside. The afternoon was about to get considerably more demanding.
  The lunch interval produced one further development that, depending on who you ask, either made complete sense or none whatsoever. Somewhere between the poached trout and the cheese board, Cousin relieved Henners of the captaincy. The precise mechanics of this transition remain, at the time of writing, somewhat unclear. Whether it was negotiated over port, debated during the salad course, or simply settled by the time the ales arrived, nobody present has yet offered a fully satisfactory account. What is known is that both men emerged from lunch as gentlemen, that the matter appears to have been concluded with the minimum of fuss, and that Cousin took to the field thereafter as captain with the quiet authority of a man who had been waiting for precisely this moment — possibly for some time. Hampshire Hogs, to their credit, appeared entirely untroubled by the change of command. Some transitions are seamless. This, by all accounts, was one of them, classic Cousin.
  By the time the rain relented and play was called for 3:45, both sides had been fed, watered, captaincy redistributed, and — play on, Hogs would pull the trigger at 4pm and we had ourselves a game.

Cat giving his paw of approval on Instagram

Cousin David planning his Coup d’etat.

Drumsticks asking Cousin how much he has consumed…

Resuming after the interval, new captain Cousin rang in the changes with the ball — introducing Stevie Wonder Fromage , Merry and Cat into the attack in an attempt to find a breakthrough against the immovable Titcomb and the stubbornly resistant Patterson-Thick. All three gave it everything. Stevie Wonder Fromage single over cost 13, Merry’s went for 12, and Cat— bowling through what must by now have been a rather sore paw — conceded 12 from his solitary over. None of them could separate the partnership, and it is a testament to Titcomb and Patterson-Thick that three fresh bowlers, brought on with intent, could make no impression whatsoever. The Woodpeckers had tried everything. The partnership simply refused to yield.
And that, ultimately, was the story of the afternoon. Titcomb, already well into three figures, batted with the authority of a man who had been in all day and intended to stay considerably longer. Patterson-Thick, for his part, occupied the crease with magnificent stubbornness — his unbeaten 5 off 22 balls worth its weight in port and cheese. Together they put on an outstanding 72 runs for the final wicket, pushing the total to a point where the declaration became not just possible but compelling. Hog’s stayed true to their word and declared at 4pm.

Hog’s 177/7dec 40 overs. Dom Titcomb 111 not out.

Cousin 0/14, Power Ranger 2/36, Cheffry 3/38, Henners 2/17

The Field-The Unsung Heroes
If the batting told the story of the scoreboard, the fielding told the story of the team — and it was a compelling one.
Felix was, without question, the fielding performance of the day — and the most talked-about headwear of the season. Stepping onto the field wearing a floppy Tribute beer hat — pulled on with the quiet confidence of a man paying his respects in the most stylish way he knows — Felix immediately announced himself as someone playing the game on his own terms.

Sticks was making his debut for the Woodpeckers behind the stumps — and what a debut it was to be thrown into. Keeping wicket to a varied and testing attack, on a difficult surface, against a batsman of Titcomb’s quality, is not assignment for the faint-hearted. If the ball occasionally had other ideas about where it wanted to go rather than nestling obediently into his gloves, nobody who has ever kept wicket on debut in such conditions could hold it against him. Sticks kept his energy up, kept his chat going, and kept his chin up throughout.
In the slips, Kami was, as ever, the picture of composed proper cricketer. Moving crisply, positioning himself with quiet authority, and taking his catch with the minimum of fuss. He looked, as he always does, as though he was rather enjoying himself. Some people are built for days like this. Kami is one of them.
And finally, Stevie Wonder Fromage — resplendent in his shades, electric from the first over to the last. Whether it was the sunglasses that granted him his particular aura of cool-headed brilliance, or simply the natural magnetism of a man born to patrol a cricket outfield, Stevie was a constant presence — dynamic, decisive, and impeccably accessorised throughout. If Cat owned the floppy Tribute beer hat and Kami owned the cordon, Stevie Wonder Fromage owned everything else. Some players field. Stevie Fromage performs.

The best image I could find of what Cats hat looked like.

Perckers Response.

If Hampshire Hogs’ innings was a slow-burn epic, Woodpeckers’ reply was an absolute assault.
The architect of the carnage was Kamikaze, who had been the picture of composed excellence in the slips just hours earlier. Apparently untroubled by the minor matter of having already fielded for most of the afternoon, Kami walked out and produced one of the most extraordinary innings you are likely to see at this level. His fifty came up in just 28 balls. It was, in a word, outrageous. In several words, it was the kind of innings that makes opposing captains stare at the pitch and wonder what, precisely, they could have done differently.
Cat gave him excellent company at the top, contributing a brisk 23 off 24 balls before being bowled by Alex Ross — the only wicket Hampshire Hogs could manage all afternoon, and one Ross will have taken considerable satisfaction from. The first wicket fell at 90, which tells you all you need to know about the tempo at which The Peckers had set about their task. They had reached 48 without loss after just 4.4 overs — play briefly interrupted there for a lost ball — and were already 82 without loss by the 8.3 over mark when a second lost ball mercifully broke the rhythm, if only momentarily.
With Cat gone, out walked Princess eager to impress his girlfriend who just loves cricket, NOT, Princess clearly hadn’t received the memo that a target of 176 in a timed match was supposed to offer at least some resistance. He made 51 not out off 51 balls — 6 fours, 2 sixes, a strike rate of exactly 100 — and the second wicket partnership of 91 between him and Kami was put together in just 44 balls. The 150 came up in the 18th over. The winning runs followed soon after. Tension was high at the end as it looked like Princess would deny Kami his hundred by hogging the strike….

THE WINNING MOMENT AND A HISTORIC MOMENT FOR KAMIKAZE

Kami ended 104 not out off just 60 balls — 14 fours, 5 sixes, a strike rate of 173.33, and the quiet, unhurried demeanour of a man doing something he had been planning since approximately the second over of Hampshire Hogs’ innings, that was to finally and deservedly make his first ever Pecker century on the most glorious of stages.
Hampshire Hogs’ bowlers gave it everything. Seb Norris (3-0-36-0), Rob Portal (4-0-26-0), Fin Patterson-Thick (4-0-39-0), John Portal (2-0-8-0), Charlie Parkinson (3-0-21-0), N Trowbridge (1-0-12-0) and George Wills (1.1-0-12-0) You have to feel for Merry he had his pads on for over 40 minutes, and was of course not needed to perform.

Kami celebrates his first ever Pecker ton

Princess and Kami partnership of 91

The bonus of winning early was we could take tea at 5:45pm, Cousin’s video describes the spread on offer. So in summary we have won four in row for the 2026 season, two on home soil and two in Spain, a great start to the season next up Dunsfold. Special mention to The Hampshire Hogs, their hospitality was first rate, Theakston and Flowers Pots was a very nice touch indeed, and great that Princess's dad and his girlfriend Liv made the journey down, and Plant made a late appearance as well.

Backrow; Power Ranger, Lav, Chef, Princess, Cousin

Front Row, Fromage, Drumsticks, Henners, Cat, Kami, Merry.

Woodpeckers Tour of Menorca CC

The Barclaysmen of Menorca

Back when the Premier League was sponsored by Barclays, it was aggressive, uncompromising and gritty, champions were built on the shoulders of Barclaysmen.

A Barclaysman does not mean the greatest of player, but one who instead achieved cult status through grit, fleeting moments of greatness and often off field antics. Think not of Henry, Shearer or Rooney, but instead Delap, Michu or Ballotelli.

Amongst the descent of Peckers who migrated south to Menorca, there were undoubtedly able cricketers, but there were also sceptics back in the nest at home who feared they would over perform in the Menorcan watering holes and not with leather and willow.

Day 1

Weary Peckers arrived at Gatwick with the sunrise and began frantically stuffing miscellaneous bits of cricket gear into every available crevice that EasyJet would permit. 

Barclaysmen are seen in stylish and baggy Jerseys, so Kwakka & Motty distributed White Tees with our iconic “Famous Caps” design across the back and “Una Cuadrilla de Peckaros”, a play on “Una Cuadrilla De Pícaros", aptly translating to “A Gang of Rogues” on the front.

Trash and Chef had eventful journeys. The former leaving his phone in the Uber but recovering it in time for wheels up, the latter being assaulted by a 3 year old girl struggling with her first flight. 

This would not be the first time Chef would be battered on this tour.

The Architect of the Tour Greasy.

Every good Barclays team had a good manager, ours was Greasy, who we met beer in hand shading amongst the parasols of a sun kissed Menorca square.

A few cervezas later and Greasy guided us to a postcard perfect restaurant where small boats bob on the waves that lap at your feet.

Me Gusta Tu

Fresh seafood, grilled fish and of course paella flowed freely and dominated the spread.

A long lunch can be deemed successful when waiters are sent running up the beach to fetch armfuls of more rosé to keep up with the Peckers’ rate.

A siesta later and the pecker population on the Hotel Bar’s Terrace swelled to full strength before swooping down onto the waterfront to carb load on Italian ahead of the night and day of cricket ahead.

Kingpin’s unorthodox courting tactic garnered more laughter than lust.

After various unsuccessful attempts to woo the chicas, predominantly led by a confident but inebriated Bison, were eclipsed by a head standing Snax, the Peckers ensured the punters of Fat Monkey Bar were quiet for their A Capella Version of Viva la Vida before eventually either splintering off to bed or to Karaoke bars.

Day 2

Barclaysmen are often seen travelling in Range Rovers and other cars of luxury, and the next morning, Greasy and his better looking brother, had a gorgeous brace of Pecker Packers ready to take us to Menorca Cricket Club: A Range Rover V8 Turbo S and Soft Top Defender.

A delicious touch that exemplified the thought and effort Greasy put into the tour.

Barclaysmen play at some of the best grounds in the UK, and we are fortunate enough to do the same, although few get to play at one in Spain, the outfield luscious and verdant, cocooned by old stone Menorca walls.

A few pregame beers were had to chase away the remnants of the night past before the Peckers took to the field for 40 overs in the afternoon sun. 

Up to drinks, Peckers were dominant, Motty, Spinach & Traas restricting the hosts to 120-5. 

After drinks, Captain Kwakka freshened the attack, blowing the game wide open.

A few dropped catches and some erroneous bowling saw Menorca pile on a glut of runs and claim ascendancy. 

Cat the main culprit, bowling 2 of the worst overs you will see. 10 wides, 29 runs; relegation form. 

Trash, unlucky not to get on the honours board, and Motty, returned with a combination of skill and wit to mop up the Menorcans, but by tea they had set a daunting total of 246-9.

Trash 4-51, Motty 3-17, Wides 0-33.

Tea was exceptional; a selection of baguettes laden with a variety of fillings, Spanish Omelettes and donuts (not churros) the most notable highlights.

Pirate caught for 0 by our own Potty, who had been coaxed away from his rose for a brief sub fielding stint.

Cat probed, but Mama at the other end was the key contributor to their 130 run partnership, dispatching the Menorcan attack, and with it any memory of last year’s form, ending on an excellent 83.

“Tu Casa es Mi Casa” - Mama Casa

Bison & Butternut made notable contributions in their support of Trash, who carried his bowling form to the crease with monstrous striking, eventually caught in the deep trying to finish with a maximum.

Bison congratulates Trash.

Spinach, sent his first ball to the rope for victory with 3 overs to spare and save us from a very nervy finish.

Mama 83, Traas 69

Barman Hagrid Hugh ensured his magic potion of Pomada (Gin and Fanta Lemon) was free flowing as we exchanged speeches, gifts and enjoyed seafood laden paella with the wonderful men of Menorca CC.

The oppo’s Bill Johnson (Wikipedia him) took an advance party to his Oyster Bar where Chaos ensued, largely centred around Motty, who high on Molluscs, procured a wetsuit from places unknown, citing the need to “to fight crime” as he clambered over parked cars.

With Motty in back civilian clothes, he dived behind the bar to soak up the atmosphere the swarm of Peckers we’re creating.

A Pecker’s Jumper found its way onto local MILF Sonia, who instantly whipped off her skirt to the Barclaysmens’ delight. Forget scantily clad lingerie, an oversized shorted sleeved Peckers jumper is the future of women’s negligee. 

Motty & Bison are now going to show you the difference between a yellow and a red card…

This two-footed tackle from Bison, whilst extremely rash, is very Barclays.

An after party at BJ’s didn’t materialise after his wife refused entry to not only the entire Peckers touring party, but even BJ himself. 

Peckers marauded across the bars of Mahon, but with Chefrey’s failed attempt to convince the locals that the mega yacht sat at Anchor was in fact his, stumps were finally called.

Day 3

The next morning, heads even heavier than the last, we returned for the second leg of Menorca vs Woodpeckers, although both teams were much changed. With Butternut somewhere overhead, Kwakka called upon Potty & Snax, wasting little time to employ the pair as they opened up… the batting.

A formidable pair.

A commendable 9 was put on by the pair before Chef and Pirate took their marks, the latter ensuring he did not leave Menorca without score, held up an end unselfishly as Otto reminded us all that he is a seasoned Barclaysmen with the bat as well as the ball, the 80 run partnership was finally arrested with him eventually succumbing for 72.

Your Barlcays Man of the Match

A Trash cameo came with a flurry of quick boundaries before Bison entered the square, roaring on the ball to the ropes with every brutal bovine blow.

Spinach too got in on the act with some big boundaries of his own.

Greasy improved his score from the day before by 3, as Bison hoofed yet another ball over the stone wall for the local farmer to retrieve as he stampeded a half century to end the innings. 

Bison on the Charge

Peckers concluded on 233-7.

Motty 72, Bison 53*

Kwakka, impressed by their batting, gave Potty & Snax the new pill, the latter getting yesterday’s big scorer out before he could inflict similar damage. 

Kwakka & Pirate chipped in with 3 well earned wickets between them before Chef and Spinach were introduced as tea beckoned, leaving Menorca down to 97-6 at the break. 

Tea was as good as the day before, featuring an unchanged line up. After all, why change a winning tea(m)?

After tea, Chef toiled for his wicket, AstroTurf is not a friend to the spinner, but it was the other end that saw action. 

Like Barclaysman Berbatov against Blackburn, Spinach collected an excellent fifer to close out the game. Menorca scuttled for 143.

Spinach 5-37, Kwakka 2-13

All in a days work for our Regal Spinach

Before a ball was bowled, few would have tipped the Peckers of Menorca to achieve an emphatic double, but as all good Barclaysmen do, they played with courage, heart and skill. 

It is no coincidence that the last team to win the Premiership of the Barclays era were unlikely heroes Leicester City.

Your Barclaysmen of Menorca,

BJ, who had finally been let into his house by his other half to fetch his guitar and accoutrements, pitched up to perform at the clubhouse. Within moments, every Menorcan player had bolted for the car park, allowing Peckers to take turns serenading one another in the dwindling sunlight.

We came, we saw, we conquered, however, Menorca captured our hearts.

After the intensity of the past few days, the Peckers opted for a few glasses of red wine, steak and an early night. 

Day 4

Almost all Peckers fledged the nest the following morning, with only Mama, Bison & Chefrey remaining for a few extra days of rays. 

Chefrey remains in Menorca with his loving wife Ghislaine, but he fears not even she can fill the chasm in his heart left behind by the Barclaysmen of Menorca.

I leave you with a link below to Snax’s summer edit. Peckers Up, Cat Out xxx

https://www.tiktok.com/@fefedubois/video/7634537720974544150?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7626352461146539542

Ripley

“We few. We happy few. We band of brothers. For he today that sheds his blood with me, Shall be my brother".

It will be difficult to convey in mere words the drama of our season opener at Ripley and do it justice. But the Bard might have compared it to that glorious day at Agincourt when a warrior king (Pobsy) led us out onto a battlefield where our fighting spirit would be put to the severest test. Could we match the feats of those legendary longbowmen of yesteryear, but this time armed with weapons of willow and leather? Ripley, already a shrine of tense finishes in recent years, was just about to witness the mother of all cliffhangers. On the ground where dearly departed Rossi last donned his pads and pipe for the Peckers, if you looked up into the sky you could almost see him winking down on us and wishing us good luck. This day will belong to all Woodpeckers, past and present, regardless of the result and a lucky few of us will be able to say “we were there”.

Aussies gathering and Chefrey has all the balls for a net

Eleven good men met for the first net of the season prior to the game on a glorious spring day yearning to banish the winter blues and embrace one more season where our caps would turn another shade of pale under the kiss of the sun. No one wanted to let the team down and hoped that a few minutes of practice would reignite the muscle memory and that our arrows would land true. This ritual was performed in time honoured manner and without the need for words we remembered to a man who we were and why we were here. “Once more unto the breach, dear friends…once more”….. on that note once more poor Snax took an early tumble. Cat was seeing it well in the net and smashed a straight drive like a missile which hit a divot bounced up and smashed into Snax’s knee who went down as if picked off by a sniper. We were very concerned but he bounced up miraculously announcing that it wasn’t the bad knee. On a wicket that was greener than Snax’s top drawer we lost the toss and were inserted.

The Big lads pad up

Cat and Butters strode out to face a well disciplined opening new ball attack who understood the conditions and pitched the ball up, removing both openers in quick succession. Cat lasted one more ball than last season and Butters holed out. Kamikaze ‘remembering his General Custer from a year ago got his head down’until he was unluckily bowled off his pads for 15 by the left arm youngster Povey and Levers quickly followed his buddy and we were looking in deep trouble at 41-4, with Spinach padded up and ready to go in next in our bowler heavy lineup. GK Smeagol went out to join Magic Carpet and face the strong bowling and difficult wicket. The Carpet had played sensibly whilst hitting some glorious straight drives to anything in his arc. Willy clearly benefited from his net hit some great boundaries including the shot of the day drive through extra cover. A hard fought partnership of 54 was broken when Sméagol holed out for 28 with the score on 95 for 5 at the midway point, and was replaced on the menu by Spinach wilted from a stag do involving camping accommodation. Carpet got to 43 when he struck cleanly to deep mid wicket but the 1st 11 Keeper Garner showed he doesn’t need gloves diving forward to take a screamer.

Levers, Cat, Butters, Pobsy, Spinach, Tiddles, Chef, Kami, GK Smeagol. Snax, Magic Carpet

POBsy strode out 105-6 but quickly lost the Wilted Spinach to 11 an ill-advised sweep shot., and was joined by fellow-verteran Tiddles. I’d suggested the ‘everyone bowls an over rule but was seeing it like a ball-bearing being old and not having batted for 7 months. We struggled waited for buffet and finally a few morsels arrived. They battled away for a 41 run partnership til in the penultimate over POBsy tried to go downtown and was castled by Ripley Skipper. Snax strode out valiantly

Chef went out to join his Aussie mate with the suggestion to see out the over but sadly lasted one ball more than Snax giving Skipper Tom figures of 3-3 from one over and The Peckers 157 all out. Tiddles had watched the horror unfold and was left stranded at the non-strikers, left unbeaten on 13. A familiar batting order collapse but had we done enough?

Tea was a majestic affair lovingly prepared by marvellous Mandy comprising hot and cold dishes Coronation turkey being this correspondents personal favourite. There were hot goujons, hot sausage rolls and two home made cakes..

Mandy’s delcious spread

The tea-time spread was glorious.

The mood at tea-time was apprehensive but optimistic.

Ripley took to their helmets and clubs and met us out in the middle to be greeted by a talented Woodpecker bowling attack that would require everyone to have a bowl. It was spearheaded by a waning Spinach but he soldiered on. At the other end a fresher Magic Carpet bowled a beautiful line but was again attracting the unlucky moniker of “none for” and ironically handed the first scalp to his partner by pouching a great catch running back when the score was on 21. We surely needed to inflict casualties at regular intervals to stay in the game but fate had written a different script that would turn out to be a much more enticing read.

Some Drone footage of Magic Carpet in full flow

The Peckers’ decision making in the field was starting to look a little vulnerable under the scoreboard pressure being slowly piled on by Ripley skipper Clover and no 3 Hodgson. Tiddles and Snax came on to replace the openers and kept the run rate in some check but without a breakthrough and the Gods seemed to be abandoning us when the score stood at 92 for 1 with half the game still to go.

Perhaps the best piece of quiet but persistent sledging was Kamikaze persuading the opener Clover to retire on reaching 50. Tiddles dismissed the no 3 Hodgson as we finally got an lbw shout and went to drinks with a tiny bit more pep, Ripley on 101 -2.

It was defintely the sort of tea that makes you wished you’d fielded first

The odds were still stacked against us and we desperately needed the drinks break to gather our thoughts and POBsy knew it was time to play our joker, Cheffrey Epstein. Over the course of the next 10 overs our Aussie bowling veterans started to turn the tables on our foes with a mixture of guile, talent and sheer spirit that is the hallmark of that great cricketing nation. They never gave up hope despite the magnitude of the task and four more wickets fell for a paltry 30 runs to level things out.. On seeing him return to the pavilion the pack of labradors on the clubhouse terrace turned in unison towards the pitch as they could smell blood. But whose? The tension grew and “after you, claude” mix up between Snax and Cat in “weed corner” deprived the Chef of another notch on his bed post. But given the soft hands of an early season everything that went to hand was sticking and Ripley were feeling the pressure and a mix up resulted in two batsmen at one end that was manna from heaven. Cheffrey returned wonderful figures of 3-18 off 7 and top of the charts where he likes it with his mate Tiddles ending up with an impressive 2-40 off 7.

The wonderful climax to tea was a delicious Rhubarb and Almond Cake baked my Marmalade

POBsy now had to deal with the introduction of the mandatory bowlers to comply with the rules but and Butters got a wicket with his first delivery after a fine catch by Sméagol in the gully. Skip reintroduced Carpet to hold up one end, and he finally broke his duck with a lovely clean bowled .This brought both delight and trepidation as this led to the reintroduction of the half-centurion out of retirement to put up a last stand. Clover came back out with only 14 runs left to win but only one wicket left. He and Big Henry Elworthy struck cleanly and confidently to with three of our total. Cat the current ‘Mary Berry Buffet’ prize holder was trying not to look at the scoreboard but conjured a brilliant yorker that clean bowled the opener agonisingly 4 short of victory. Cat had delivered the coup de grace that had looked so unlikely for most of the match, leading to scenes of delirium and amazement.

Customary post match pleasantries were exchanged in the warmth of the evening sunshine outside the club house, and we all had a smile on our face as we looked forward to the upcoming tour of Menorca. Everyone present secretly offered up their thanks for being lucky enough to have taken part, lucky enough to be a Woodpecker. We happy few band of brothers.

Footnote -Ripley is an extraordinary fixture. Last year we lost by 27 runs, but the previous 4 matches 2023 we won by 3 runs again (Tid spookily got 2 for and 13 not out in that one too), 2022 we won by 2 wickets, 2021 we won by 1 wicket and the previous game in 2018 was a tie. It was also the last ground we saw Rossi...no coincidence that we enjoy the finest pleasures of incredibly exciting games that we manage to get on the right side of.

Some Feline Jugs

A battered chef and gallant stand-in keeper Kami delighted

Woodpeckers Annual Dinner and Awards 2025/6

When I arrived at the Avalon there were already a sextet of Peckers in situ. This was, frankly, both reassuring and a warning sign. Six Woodpeckers in a pub before dinner is the ornithological equivalent of a pressure system forming over the Atlantic — technically stable, but you know something dramatic is coming.

The Season

Cast your minds back to 2024. We won nine, lost nine. A record that, diplomatically, one might describe as balanced. 2025 was different. We got on a roll early .After dropping the opener at Ripley, we embarked on an unbeaten run that lasted until August 10th, when the wheels came off at Brook. Even then, we dusted ourselves down and finished with 12 wins and 4 losses from 18 matches — a fantastic season, top five all-time. Not bad for a rabble in whites.

The Memorial Matches

We were honoured to play 3 memorial matches this season, breaking the previous record of one. There is, I think, no better way to remember someone special than through the lovely occasion of Village Cricket.

Tom Saxty Trophy — Withyham, June

We arrived at Withyham to face a very strong eleven. When I say strong, I mean the kind of opposition that can draw from a squad of thirty. We,

Withyham having reached 158-3 after 23 overs. It looked ugly. Then Chefrey — fresh from watching the Australians capitulate in the World Test Championship, wanted to restor national pride and wheeled away for a four-for, including the scalp of Biceps, who had been bludgeoning his way to 96. Two games in a row without a dropped catch. Remarkable scenes.

Facing 80mph from one Jacob Tully with the scorecard reading 20-2, having lost Butters and Beetle in the sort of cluster that makes a captain reach for something stronger than Lucozade, things looked bleak.

Enter Kamikaze — a man with a point to prove after a diamond duck in 2024 — who proceeded to nurse my 14-year-old nephew Wheezy, known to some as Vlad the Inhaler, through a partnership of 94. Kami stroked 84 off 66 balls, took the pressure off everyone else, and when we collapsed to 150-5, I finally found a partner who enjoys running as much as I do. Fingers made most of the runs and we saw it home.

Nigel Phethean Memorial Match — Outwood

Nige — Woodpecker of the Year 1999 — was remembered in style. Two of his grandsons, Olly and Manny, pulled on Pecker whites. We were set 228, found ourselves 134-4 at drinks, and did what Woodpeckers do: rallied.

Chefrey chipped in with another four-for. Snaxy took a catch and a couple of wickets. And when we totted it up afterwards, we discovered that all ten dismissals had involved either one of the three 50+ veterans or a Phethean grandson. We broke the club record with nine unbeaten games in a season. Nige would have loved every second.

Lechlade — In Memory of Traash's Grandad Neil

The third and final memorial match, brilliantly organised and fundraised by Traash, closed the competitive season, There was plenty of TRaash-talk the preceding week assuring us they'd better bat first to make a decent game of it.

Chasing 193 with what you might generously describe as a truncated batting lineup — Rasputin/Max at seven, Traash, Tweaker and a collection of seam bowlers who were absolutely licking their lips — we lost Motty and Djogo cheaply in Traash's first over. Then Chat arrived at the crease, took one look at Traash's bowling, decided it was basically long-hop practice, and helped himself to five boundaries — all meaty, all straight. Tweaker had to yank his own cousin off. Cat retired for 50.

The Mole then disappeared, the ring looked lost, until a young hobbit Merry/Scuba Steve— in front of both GF and ex-GF, which is its own kind of pressure — grafted his way to a superb 50 and a wonderful win to end the season and bring up the dozen. A fitting farewell to Neil.

The Awards

Batting Cup

In 2024, of all those playing four or more qualifying matches, not a soul broke an average of 40. In 2025, a delicious quintet surpassed that mark: Bison and the Magic Carpet in the 40s, and three men north of 50 — Fingers (more later) and Mole, the alarm clock, back in the fifties. Something about Marlow's riverbank inspire Not Ratty, but Mole.

But for over 300 runs at an average of 50.17, the Peckers Batting Cup goes to a man who delivered quality innings in the toughest of circumstances. Right from the off at Ripley on a horrific wicket where partners left him quicker than Killing Kittens, and the great knock at Withyham -it’s Kamikaze

The Ferret Award (For He Who goes in after the rabbits)

We must gaze to the wolves' end of the averages for this one. Last year Chefrey pipped Otto 4.33 to 4.5 in a tense photo finish, with Snax third on 4.66.

This year, Chefrey went downtown with a new blade and doubled up to 8.25, clear of Mama (7.5), Otto (6) — snuggled right next to his mate Tiddles . Our new statto Snax tumbled all the way to 2.75, but showed he can bat at the Peckers Peckers, so much so he ruptured his patella. Rotcod was no help at all, so I’ve provided him some Ibuprofen Gel

The Paddington Award (Warm, Polite and Cuddly)

Named in honour of our dearly departed Queen. Lots of feline and furry nominations, as you'd expect.more so with females

Tiddles doesn't particularly like physical contact from me —Cat is extremely cuddly, though I was chatting to two hours prior. Mama picked up a nomination for spotting that opportunity at the Christmas drinks.

Deggsy, though. Deggsy is cuddly and loving with all-comers, always. But the winner this year — described by those who know him as the happiest animal in the world — always jolly, always a kind word. Most recently, in response to my request for orders, his reply was the sort that makes you love him immediately. Kwakka — who also picks up the Pecker Pulitzer Prize. Here is the start of his epic Dunsfold report….

‘The Woodpeckers, it must be said, are grotesquely spoiled. Between glorious grounds, gentlemanly teammates, life-affirming pints and pub gardens that shimmer in the June haze, one could be forgiven for assuming we’ve been trapped inside a Richard Curtis screenplay. And if Dunsfold isn’t the cinematic cricketing utopia, then frankly, the projector’s broken’

Glenn Phillips CATCH of the Season

Last year our catching left something to be desired. I may have set the tone on tour.

This year: 7/7 at Chiddingfold, 2/2 at Withyham. Even the blind old skipper equalled his record of 10 catches in a season, and 4 in a match.

Nominees: Tiddles, on a cold day at Ripley in a precarious position, caught a skier off Chefrey that came down with what appeared to be snow on it and lodged in his solar plexus. Big Levers took a brace at Kew. Milky a brace at Marlow including the match-winner.

There were some great run outs too, the pick the Traashy-Mole double act to remove Barnes Bomber just as he was on the brink…Also at the Common Captain Haddock had upset everyone with his antics, and during his knock I moved a lame Tiddles to slip. Tid suggested the quicker one to his mate Chefrey the bowler, and already on the move as Haddock glanced, he out-stretched a paw as reaching for the last Cornetto and took a one handed worldy and a celebration to match. Beetle was hoping to get the award, but Tids sent him a message

OWEN-BROWNE Bowling CUP

Top of the averages and perhaps criminally under-bowled: Kwakka, 5 wickets at 11. Just behind him, Otto 11.8— channelling his inner Richie Benaud 2-22 on two occasions. An absolute delight. Average: 11.8.

Greasy had easily his best year — largely attributable to slowing it right down when massively hungover 14 wickets at 14.71. Traash: 9 wickets at a tidy 13. Snax: 11 at under 20, under 5 an over — very decent for the reigning Owen-Browne Bowling Cup winner, but not quite enough to retain it.

The unluckiest and most thrifty bowler (3.13 per over) has to be Carpet, who spent the season getting wickets for other people. But easily with the biggest haul of 25 wickets(and he counts them) at 15.48, the O-B Bowling Cup returns to Chefrey Epstein.

The Mary Berry Medal (For the Most Expensive Bowler)

The Mary Berry Medal for Excellence in Cakes and Buffet — awarded to our most expensive bowler — was, remarkably, a much tighter field than last year. Butters was a lavish 7.42 in 2024, but this year all qualifying bowlers came in under 6 an over.

Previous winner Snax led the way (the new Statto; under 5). Then the photo finish: GK Smeagol 5.07, Tiddles 5.19, Greasy 5.29. It seems harsh to give it to Cat on just 5.42 — until you see him tailed off in the averages with 5 wickets in 38.1 rather angry overs at 41.4. Harsh, but fair.

The Kinder Bueno Award (For Services to the Peckers)

There is a lot that goes into making a cricket team work, and most of it happens away from the boundary rope.

A special mention to our new Statto, Snax, who worked through the backlog, learned the system, and will hopefully be crunching our numbers for years to come. To our most loyal supporter the Old Horse, who came to numerous games with his filly GG and gave grate support. And to Kit Kat — who stores our kit at https://pietrawoodandstone.com/ on the Wandsworth Bridge Road, and who has helped with the cups and trophies throughout. Unsung, indispensable.

The BFG Award (Gentle Giant)

At one point this season I believe we had all three of our giants on the pitch simultaneously — all, remarkably, 6 foot 4, all beginning with B, all gentle.

Butternut is away on Spinach's stag do tonight, no doubt being somewhat less gentle than usual.

Bison made a fine 50 at Ham and Petersham and is indeed very gentle — except when he's had a skinful and I'm talking to a girl he also likes, at which point he deploys the scatter-and-splattergun approach, resulting in no success for either of us.

The third B made his debut on a 5am start, recovered admirably, and went on to score his debut 50 for the Woodpeckers this year. A fine fruit of the Kamikaze tree. BFG Award: Big Levers

Clubman of the Year (The Rossi Tankard)

In memory of Christopher Rossi, who left us eleven years ago — renowned for his enthusiasm, popularity, and generosity. Last year's winner, it must be said, GK Smeagol was slightly the worse for wear, did a small jig, and the tankard vanished into the ether. Rossi would have laughed.

Cat kindly has since had a new tankard made and all the great names re-engraved. This year's winner brings a smile to Pecker faces, is unfailingly generous — not least in buying us a smorgasbord supper at the Peckers in October.

Rossi would be proud. Piraaaaate. Gaaaaarrrrr.

The Ducky Award

Cat had this trophy specially made two years ago for a young hobbit going through a rough trot. He bounced back. Last year's winner Otto bounced back too. There is always hope.

This year's winner has shown he can bat — we've seen it in Peckers Peckers under the influence. He started 2025 with a golden duck — really moving that decimal point as his lifetime average went from 1 to 0.66 . He did get 26 to save blushes later and a lovely chap, just needs to ale up at the crease like he does at the Peckers Peckers when ‘all the leaves are brown’ He'll turn it round Mama Cass.

Sadly for Mama, the Sanderstead highlights opened up with his Diamond Duck repeatedly on the big screen, but Imogen didn’t mind.

Woodpecker of the Year

May 10th. Warnford. Two new Peckers of the Beetle tree made their debuts. Magic Carpet took four wickets. Freddie Fingers took six catches on debut (an all-time club record by two!) plus a quick 35 not out that denied Traash his half-century -good lad.

At his 2nd game Dunsfold…I’ll pass to our Pecker Pulitzer Prize Winner Kwakka to pick up the story…’ Enter, stage left, Chef — our resident antipodean wildcard — who greeted Fingers with the immortal phrase: "Let me smell 'em." A man who exudes both deep cricketing wisdom and mild parole conditions. Nicknamed, with minimal political correctness, Cheffrey Epstein. Always two seconds from an apology (in this case to Thembelina fingers GF then.

At Barnes Common he made 135 — 25 fours, 2 sixes, an astonishing innings. Fingers even managed to pedalo across the Channel later in the season, with three other wizards raising thousands for charity.

Across nine matches: 505 runs, two centuries, average of 101. Strike rate: somewhere in the region of 160, at a conservative estimate.

And the key statistic. In all the games he has played for Woodpeckers CC, his record reads: Played — Won 7, Drawn 2. He is yet to be on the losing side in a Pecker shirt.

He never stops smiling and laughing, a quite delightful chap- He’s also our lucky mascot. And our Woodpecker of the Year.

A video message for Fingers from legendary New Zealand commentator and cricketer, Danny Morrison

In other news Moleman won the Casanova award. He’s looking fabulous in new haircut and according to Traash, dripping in Clunge. Deggsy took Traash’s Liam Payne award for Pecker Party Animal, but will leave the final word to our Pecker Pulitzer Prize winner, Kwakka

‘This isn't just a team. It's a movement. If Manchester United had the Class of '92, the Woodpeckers have 2025 — a golden generation of good blokes, strong drinks, bad knees, and great Sundays’