When I arrived at the Avalon there were already a sextet of Peckers in situ. This was, frankly, both reassuring and a warning sign. Six Woodpeckers in a pub before dinner is the ornithological equivalent of a pressure system forming over the Atlantic — technically stable, but you know something dramatic is coming.
The Season
Cast your minds back to 2024. We won nine, lost nine. A record that, diplomatically, one might describe as balanced. 2025 was different. We got on a roll early .After dropping the opener at Ripley, we embarked on an unbeaten run that lasted until August 10th, when the wheels came off at Brook. Even then, we dusted ourselves down and finished with 12 wins and 4 losses from 18 matches — a fantastic season, top five all-time. Not bad for a rabble in whites.
The Memorial Matches
We were honoured to play 3 memorial matches this season, breaking the previous record of one. There is, I think, no better way to remember someone special than through the lovely occasion of Village Cricket.
Tom Saxty Trophy — Withyham, June
We arrived at Withyham to face a very strong eleven. When I say strong, I mean the kind of opposition that can draw from a squad of thirty. We,
Withyham having reached 158-3 after 23 overs. It looked ugly. Then Chefrey — fresh from watching the Australians capitulate in the World Test Championship, wanted to restor national pride and wheeled away for a four-for, including the scalp of Biceps, who had been bludgeoning his way to 96. Two games in a row without a dropped catch. Remarkable scenes.
Facing 80mph from one Jacob Tully with the scorecard reading 20-2, having lost Butters and Beetle in the sort of cluster that makes a captain reach for something stronger than Lucozade, things looked bleak.
Enter Kamikaze — a man with a point to prove after a diamond duck in 2024 — who proceeded to nurse my 14-year-old nephew Wheezy, known to some as Vlad the Inhaler, through a partnership of 94. Kami stroked 84 off 66 balls, took the pressure off everyone else, and when we collapsed to 150-5, I finally found a partner who enjoys running as much as I do. Fingers made most of the runs and we saw it home.
Nigel Phethean Memorial Match — Outwood
Nige — Woodpecker of the Year 1999 — was remembered in style. Two of his grandsons, Olly and Manny, pulled on Pecker whites. We were set 228, found ourselves 134-4 at drinks, and did what Woodpeckers do: rallied.
Chefrey chipped in with another four-for. Snaxy took a catch and a couple of wickets. And when we totted it up afterwards, we discovered that all ten dismissals had involved either one of the three 50+ veterans or a Phethean grandson. We broke the club record with nine unbeaten games in a season. Nige would have loved every second.
Lechlade — In Memory of Traash's Grandad Neil
The third and final memorial match, brilliantly organised and fundraised by Traash, closed the competitive season, There was plenty of TRaash-talk the preceding week assuring us they'd better bat first to make a decent game of it.
Chasing 193 with what you might generously describe as a truncated batting lineup — Rasputin/Max at seven, Traash, Tweaker and a collection of seam bowlers who were absolutely licking their lips — we lost Motty and Djogo cheaply in Traash's first over. Then Chat arrived at the crease, took one look at Traash's bowling, decided it was basically long-hop practice, and helped himself to five boundaries — all meaty, all straight. Tweaker had to yank his own cousin off. Cat retired for 50.
The Mole then disappeared, the ring looked lost, until a young hobbit Merry/Scuba Steve— in front of both GF and ex-GF, which is its own kind of pressure — grafted his way to a superb 50 and a wonderful win to end the season and bring up the dozen. A fitting farewell to Neil.
The Awards
Batting Cup
In 2024, of all those playing four or more qualifying matches, not a soul broke an average of 40. In 2025, a delicious quintet surpassed that mark: Bison and the Magic Carpet in the 40s, and three men north of 50 — Fingers (more later) and Mole, the alarm clock, back in the fifties. Something about Marlow's riverbank inspire Not Ratty, but Mole.
But for over 300 runs at an average of 50.17, the Peckers Batting Cup goes to a man who delivered quality innings in the toughest of circumstances. Right from the off at Ripley on a horrific wicket where partners left him quicker than Killing Kittens, and the great knock at Withyham -it’s Kamikaze
The Ferret Award (For He Who goes in after the rabbits)
We must gaze to the wolves' end of the averages for this one. Last year Chefrey pipped Otto 4.33 to 4.5 in a tense photo finish, with Snax third on 4.66.
This year, Chefrey went downtown with a new blade and doubled up to 8.25, clear of Mama (7.5), Otto (6) — snuggled right next to his mate Tiddles . Our new statto Snax tumbled all the way to 2.75, but showed he can bat at the Peckers Peckers, so much so he ruptured his patella. Rotcod was no help at all, so I’ve provided him some Ibuprofen Gel
The Paddington Award (Warm, Polite and Cuddly)
Named in honour of our dearly departed Queen. Lots of feline and furry nominations, as you'd expect.more so with females
Tiddles doesn't particularly like physical contact from me —Cat is extremely cuddly, though I was chatting to two hours prior. Mama picked up a nomination for spotting that opportunity at the Christmas drinks.
Deggsy, though. Deggsy is cuddly and loving with all-comers, always. But the winner this year — described by those who know him as the happiest animal in the world — always jolly, always a kind word. Most recently, in response to my request for orders, his reply was the sort that makes you love him immediately. Kwakka — who also picks up the Pecker Pulitzer Prize. Here is the start of his epic Dunsfold report….
‘The Woodpeckers, it must be said, are grotesquely spoiled. Between glorious grounds, gentlemanly teammates, life-affirming pints and pub gardens that shimmer in the June haze, one could be forgiven for assuming we’ve been trapped inside a Richard Curtis screenplay. And if Dunsfold isn’t the cinematic cricketing utopia, then frankly, the projector’s broken’
Glenn Phillips CATCH of the Season
Last year our catching left something to be desired. I may have set the tone on tour.
This year: 7/7 at Chiddingfold, 2/2 at Withyham. Even the blind old skipper equalled his record of 10 catches in a season, and 4 in a match.
Nominees: Tiddles, on a cold day at Ripley in a precarious position, caught a skier off Chefrey that came down with what appeared to be snow on it and lodged in his solar plexus. Big Levers took a brace at Kew. Milky a brace at Marlow including the match-winner.
There were some great run outs too, the pick the Traashy-Mole double act to remove Barnes Bomber just as he was on the brink…Also at the Common Captain Haddock had upset everyone with his antics, and during his knock I moved a lame Tiddles to slip. Tid suggested the quicker one to his mate Chefrey the bowler, and already on the move as Haddock glanced, he out-stretched a paw as reaching for the last Cornetto and took a one handed worldy and a celebration to match. Beetle was hoping to get the award, but Tids sent him a message
OWEN-BROWNE Bowling CUP
Top of the averages and perhaps criminally under-bowled: Kwakka, 5 wickets at 11. Just behind him, Otto 11.8— channelling his inner Richie Benaud 2-22 on two occasions. An absolute delight. Average: 11.8.
Greasy had easily his best year — largely attributable to slowing it right down when massively hungover 14 wickets at 14.71. Traash: 9 wickets at a tidy 13. Snax: 11 at under 20, under 5 an over — very decent for the reigning Owen-Browne Bowling Cup winner, but not quite enough to retain it.
The unluckiest and most thrifty bowler (3.13 per over) has to be Carpet, who spent the season getting wickets for other people. But easily with the biggest haul of 25 wickets(and he counts them) at 15.48, the O-B Bowling Cup returns to Chefrey Epstein.
The Mary Berry Medal (For the Most Expensive Bowler)
The Mary Berry Medal for Excellence in Cakes and Buffet — awarded to our most expensive bowler — was, remarkably, a much tighter field than last year. Butters was a lavish 7.42 in 2024, but this year all qualifying bowlers came in under 6 an over.
Previous winner Snax led the way (the new Statto; under 5). Then the photo finish: GK Smeagol 5.07, Tiddles 5.19, Greasy 5.29. It seems harsh to give it to Cat on just 5.42 — until you see him tailed off in the averages with 5 wickets in 38.1 rather angry overs at 41.4. Harsh, but fair.
The Kinder Bueno Award (For Services to the Peckers)
There is a lot that goes into making a cricket team work, and most of it happens away from the boundary rope.
A special mention to our new Statto, Snax, who worked through the backlog, learned the system, and will hopefully be crunching our numbers for years to come. To our most loyal supporter the Old Horse, who came to numerous games with his filly GG and gave grate support. And to Kit Kat — who stores our kit at https://pietrawoodandstone.com/ on the Wandsworth Bridge Road, and who has helped with the cups and trophies throughout. Unsung, indispensable.
The BFG Award (Gentle Giant)
At one point this season I believe we had all three of our giants on the pitch simultaneously — all, remarkably, 6 foot 4, all beginning with B, all gentle.
Butternut is away on Spinach's stag do tonight, no doubt being somewhat less gentle than usual.
Bison made a fine 50 at Ham and Petersham and is indeed very gentle — except when he's had a skinful and I'm talking to a girl he also likes, at which point he deploys the scatter-and-splattergun approach, resulting in no success for either of us.
The third B made his debut on a 5am start, recovered admirably, and went on to score his debut 50 for the Woodpeckers this year. A fine fruit of the Kamikaze tree. BFG Award: Big Levers
Clubman of the Year (The Rossi Tankard)
In memory of Christopher Rossi, who left us eleven years ago — renowned for his enthusiasm, popularity, and generosity. Last year's winner, it must be said, GK Smeagol was slightly the worse for wear, did a small jig, and the tankard vanished into the ether. Rossi would have laughed.
Cat kindly has since had a new tankard made and all the great names re-engraved. This year's winner brings a smile to Pecker faces, is unfailingly generous — not least in buying us a smorgasbord supper at the Peckers in October.
Rossi would be proud. Piraaaaate. Gaaaaarrrrr.
The Ducky Award
Cat had this trophy specially made two years ago for a young hobbit going through a rough trot. He bounced back. Last year's winner Otto bounced back too. There is always hope.
This year's winner has shown he can bat — we've seen it in Peckers Peckers under the influence. He started 2025 with a golden duck — really moving that decimal point as his lifetime average went from 1 to 0.66 . He did get 26 to save blushes later and a lovely chap, just needs to ale up at the crease like he does at the Peckers Peckers when ‘all the leaves are brown’ He'll turn it round Mama Cass.
Sadly for Mama, the Sanderstead highlights opened up with his Diamond Duck repeatedly on the big screen, but Imogen didn’t mind.
Woodpecker of the Year
May 10th. Warnford. Two new Peckers of the Beetle tree made their debuts. Magic Carpet took four wickets. Freddie Fingers took six catches on debut (an all-time club record by two!) plus a quick 35 not out that denied Traash his half-century -good lad.
At his 2nd game Dunsfold…I’ll pass to our Pecker Pulitzer Prize Winner Kwakka to pick up the story…’ Enter, stage left, Chef — our resident antipodean wildcard — who greeted Fingers with the immortal phrase: "Let me smell 'em." A man who exudes both deep cricketing wisdom and mild parole conditions. Nicknamed, with minimal political correctness, Cheffrey Epstein. Always two seconds from an apology (in this case to Thembelina fingers GF then.
At Barnes Common he made 135 — 25 fours, 2 sixes, an astonishing innings. Fingers even managed to pedalo across the Channel later in the season, with three other wizards raising thousands for charity.
Across nine matches: 505 runs, two centuries, average of 101. Strike rate: somewhere in the region of 160, at a conservative estimate.
And the key statistic. In all the games he has played for Woodpeckers CC, his record reads: Played — Won 7, Drawn 2. He is yet to be on the losing side in a Pecker shirt.
He never stops smiling and laughing, a quite delightful chap- He’s also our lucky mascot. And our Woodpecker of the Year.
A video message for Fingers from legendary New Zealand commentator and cricketer, Danny Morrison
In other news Moleman won the Casanova award. He’s looking fabulous in new haircut and according to Traash, dripping in Clunge. Deggsy took Traash’s Liam Payne award for Pecker Party Animal, but will leave the final word to our Pecker Pulitzer Prize winner, Kwakka
‘This isn't just a team. It's a movement. If Manchester United had the Class of '92, the Woodpeckers have 2025 — a golden generation of good blokes, strong drinks, bad knees, and great Sundays’