“We few. We happy few. We band of brothers. For he today that sheds his blood with me, Shall be my brother".

It will be difficult to convey in mere words the drama of our season opener at Ripley and do it justice. But the Bard might have compared it to that glorious day at Agincourt when a warrior king (Pobsy) led us out onto a battlefield where our fighting spirit would be put to the severest test. Could we match the feats of those legendary longbowmen of yesteryear, but this time armed with weapons of willow and leather? Ripley, already a shrine of tense finishes in recent years, was just about to witness the mother of all cliffhangers. On the ground where dearly departed Rossi last donned his pads and pipe for the Peckers, if you looked up into the sky you could almost see him winking down on us and wishing us good luck. This day will belong to all Woodpeckers, past and present, regardless of the result and a lucky few of us will be able to say “we were there”.

Aussies gathering and Chefrey has all the balls for a net

Eleven good men met for the first net of the season prior to the game on a glorious spring day yearning to banish the winter blues and embrace one more season where our caps would turn another shade of pale under the kiss of the sun. No one wanted to let the team down and hoped that a few minutes of practice would reignite the muscle memory and that our arrows would land true. This ritual was performed in time honoured manner and without the need for words we remembered to a man who we were and why we were here. “Once more unto the breach, dear friends…once more”….. on that note once more poor Snax took an early tumble. Cat was seeing it well in the net and smashed a straight drive like a missile which hit a divot bounced up and smashed into Snax’s knee who went down as if picked off by a sniper. We were very concerned but he bounced up miraculously announcing that it wasn’t the bad knee. On a wicket that was greener than Snax’s top drawer we lost the toss and were inserted.

Cat and Butters strode out to face a well disciplined opening new ball attack who understood the conditions and pitched the ball up, removing both openers in quick succession. Cat lasted one more ball than last season and Butters holed out. Kamikaze ‘remembering his General Custer from a year ago got his head down’until he was unluckily bowled off his pads for 15 by the left arm youngster Povey and Levers quickly followed his buddy and we were looking in deep trouble at 41-4, with Spinach padded up and ready to go in next in our bowler heavy lineup. GK Smeagol went out to join Magic Carpet and face the strong bowling and difficult wicket. The Carpet had played sensibly whilst hitting some glorious straight drives to anything in his arc. Willy clearly benefited from his net hit some great boundaries including the shot of the day drive through extra cover. A hard fought partnership of 54 was broken when Sméagol holed out for 28 with the score on 95 for 5 at the midway point, and was replaced on the menu by Spinach wilted from a stag do involving camping accommodation. Carpet got to 43 when he struck cleanly to deep mid wicket but the 1st 11 Keeper Garner showed he doesn’t need gloves diving forward to take a screamer.

Levers, Cat, Butters, Pobsy, Spinach, Tiddles, Chef, Kami, GK Smeagol. Snax, Magic Carpet

POBsy strode out 105-6 but quickly lost the Wilted Spinach to 11 an ill-advised sweep shot., and was joined by fellow-verteran Tiddles. I’d suggested the ‘everyone bowls an over rule but was seeing it like a ball-bearing being old and not having batted for 7 months. We struggled waited for buffet and finally a few morsels arrived. They battled away for a 41 run partnership til in the penultimate over POBsy tried to go downtown and was castled by Ripley Skipper. Snax strode out valiantly

Chef went out to join his Aussie mate with the suggestion to see out the over but sadly lasted one ball more than Snax giving Skipper Tom figures of 3-3 from one over and The Peckers 157 all out. Tiddles had watched the horror unfold and was left stranded at the non-strikers, left unbeaten on 13. A familiar batting order collapse but had we done enough?

Tea was a majestic affair lovingly prepared by marvellous Mandy comprising hot and cold dishes Coronation turkey being this correspondents personal favourite. There were hot goujons, hot sausage rolls and two home made cakes..

The tea-time spread was glorious.

The mood at tea-time was apprehensive but optimistic.

Ripley took to their helmets and clubs and met us out in the middle to be greeted by a talented Woodpecker bowling attack that would require everyone to have a bowl. It was spearheaded by a waning Spinach but he soldiered on. At the other end a fresher Magic Carpet bowled a beautiful line but was again attracting the unlucky moniker of “none for” and ironically handed the first scalp to his partner by pouching a great catch running back when the score was on 21. We surely needed to inflict casualties at regular intervals to stay in the game but fate had written a different script that would turn out to be a much more enticing read.

Some Drone footage of Magic Carpet in full flow

The Peckers’ decision making in the field was starting to look a little vulnerable under the scoreboard pressure being slowly piled on by Ripley skipper Clover and no 3 Hodgson. Tiddles and Snax came on to replace the openers and kept the run rate in some check but without a breakthrough and the Gods seemed to be abandoning us when the score stood at 92 for 1 with half the game still to go.

Perhaps the best piece of quiet but persistent sledging was Kamikaze persuading the opener Clover to retire on reaching 50. Tiddles dismissed the no 3 Hodgson as we finally got an lbw shout and went to drinks with a tiny bit more pep, Ripley on 101 -2.

It was defintely the sort of tea that makes you wished you’d fielded first

The odds were still stacked against us and we desperately needed the drinks break to gather our thoughts and POBsy knew it was time to play our joker, Cheffrey Epstein. Over the course of the next 10 overs our Aussie bowling veterans started to turn the tables on our foes with a mixture of guile, talent and sheer spirit that is the hallmark of that great cricketing nation. They never gave up hope despite the magnitude of the task and four more wickets fell for a paltry 30 runs to level things out.. On seeing him return to the pavilion the pack of labradors on the clubhouse terrace turned in unison towards the pitch as they could smell blood. But whose? The tension grew and “after you, claude” mix up between Snax and Cat in “weed corner” deprived the Chef of another notch on his bed post. But given the soft hands of an early season everything that went to hand was sticking and Ripley were feeling the pressure and a mix up resulted in two batsmen at one end that was manna from heaven. Cheffrey returned wonderful figures of 3-18 off 7 and top of the charts where he likes it with his mate Tiddles ending up with an impressive 2-40 off 7.

The wonderful climax to tea was a delicious Rhubarb and Almond Cake baked my Marmalade

POBsy now had to deal with the introduction of the mandatory bowlers to comply with the rules but and Butters got a wicket with his first delivery after a fine catch by Sméagol in the gully. Skip reintroduced Carpet to hold up one end, and he finally broke his duck with a lovely clean bowled .This brought both delight and trepidation as this led to the reintroduction of the half-centurion out of retirement to put up a last stand. Clover came back out with only 14 runs left to win but only one wicket left. He and Big Henry Elworthy struck cleanly and confidently to with three of our total. Cat the current ‘Mary Berry Buffet’ prize holder was trying not to look at the scoreboard but conjured a brilliant yorker that clean bowled the opener agonisingly 4 short of victory. Cat had delivered the coup de grace that had looked so unlikely for most of the match, leading to scenes of delirium and amazement.

Customary post match pleasantries were exchanged in the warmth of the evening sunshine outside the club house, and we all had a smile on our face as we looked forward to the upcoming tour of Menorca. Everyone present secretly offered up their thanks for being lucky enough to have taken part, lucky enough to be a Woodpecker. We happy few band of brothers.

Footnote -Ripley is an extraordinary fixture. Last year we lost by 27 runs, but the previous 4 matches 2023 we won by 3 runs again (Tid spookily got 2 for and 13 not out in that one too), 2022 we won by 2 wickets, 2021 we won by 1 wicket and the previous game in 2018 was a tie. It was also the last ground we saw Rossi...no coincidence that we enjoy the finest pleasures of incredibly exciting games that we manage to get on the right side of.