The Barclaysmen of Menorca
Back when the Premier League was sponsored by Barclays, it was aggressive, uncompromising and gritty, champions were built on the shoulders of Barclaysmen.
A Barclaysman does not mean the greatest of player, but one who instead achieved cult status through grit, fleeting moments of greatness and often off field antics. Think not of Henry, Shearer or Rooney, but instead Delap, Michu or Ballotelli.
Amongst the descent of Peckers who migrated south to Menorca, there were undoubtedly able cricketers, but there were also sceptics back in the nest at home who feared they would over perform in the Menorcan watering holes and not with leather and willow.
Day 1
Weary Peckers arrived at Gatwick with the sunrise and began frantically stuffing miscellaneous bits of cricket gear into every available crevice that EasyJet would permit.
Barclaysmen are seen in stylish and baggy Jerseys, so Kwakka & Motty distributed White Tees with our iconic “Famous Caps” design across the back and “Una Cuadrilla de Peckaros”, a play on “Una Cuadrilla De Pícaros", aptly translating to “A Gang of Rogues” on the front.
Trash and Chef had eventful journeys. The former leaving his phone in the Uber but recovering it in time for wheels up, the latter being assaulted by a 3 year old girl struggling with her first flight.
This would not be the first time Chef would be battered on this tour.
The Architect of the Tour Greasy.
Every good Barclays team had a good manager, ours was Greasy, who we met beer in hand shading amongst the parasols of a sun kissed Menorca square.
A few cervezas later and Greasy guided us to a postcard perfect restaurant where small boats bob on the waves that lap at your feet.
Me Gusta Tu
Fresh seafood, grilled fish and of course paella flowed freely and dominated the spread.
A long lunch can be deemed successful when waiters are sent running up the beach to fetch armfuls of more rosé to keep up with the Peckers’ rate.
A siesta later and the pecker population on the Hotel Bar’s Terrace swelled to full strength before swooping down onto the waterfront to carb load on Italian ahead of the night and day of cricket ahead.
Kingpin’s unorthodox courting tactic garnered more laughter than lust.
After various unsuccessful attempts to woo the chicas, predominantly led by a confident but inebriated Bison, were eclipsed by a head standing Snax, the Peckers ensured the punters of Fat Monkey Bar were quiet for their A Capella Version of Viva la Vida before eventually either splintering off to bed or to Karaoke bars.
Day 2
Barclaysmen are often seen travelling in Range Rovers and other cars of luxury, and the next morning, Greasy and his better looking brother, had a gorgeous brace of Pecker Packers ready to take us to Menorca Cricket Club: A Range Rover V8 Turbo S and Soft Top Defender.
A delicious touch that exemplified the thought and effort Greasy put into the tour.
Barclaysmen play at some of the best grounds in the UK, and we are fortunate enough to do the same, although few get to play at one in Spain, the outfield luscious and verdant, cocooned by old stone Menorca walls.
A few pregame beers were had to chase away the remnants of the night past before the Peckers took to the field for 40 overs in the afternoon sun.
Up to drinks, Peckers were dominant, Motty, Spinach & Traas restricting the hosts to 120-5.
After drinks, Captain Kwakka freshened the attack, blowing the game wide open.
A few dropped catches and some erroneous bowling saw Menorca pile on a glut of runs and claim ascendancy.
Cat the main culprit, bowling 2 of the worst overs you will see. 10 wides, 29 runs; relegation form.
Trash, unlucky not to get on the honours board, and Motty, returned with a combination of skill and wit to mop up the Menorcans, but by tea they had set a daunting total of 246-9.
Trash 4-51, Motty 3-17, Wides 0-33.
Tea was exceptional; a selection of baguettes laden with a variety of fillings, Spanish Omelettes and donuts (not churros) the most notable highlights.
Pirate caught for 0 by our own Potty, who had been coaxed away from his rose for a brief sub fielding stint.
Cat probed, but Mama at the other end was the key contributor to their 130 run partnership, dispatching the Menorcan attack, and with it any memory of last year’s form, ending on an excellent 83.
“Tu Casa es Mi Casa” - Mama Casa
Bison & Butternut made notable contributions in their support of Trash, who carried his bowling form to the crease with monstrous striking, eventually caught in the deep trying to finish with a maximum.
Bison congratulates Trash.
Spinach, sent his first ball to the rope for victory with 3 overs to spare and save us from a very nervy finish.
Mama 83, Traas 69
Barman Hagrid Hugh ensured his magic potion of Pomada (Gin and Fanta Lemon) was free flowing as we exchanged speeches, gifts and enjoyed seafood laden paella with the wonderful men of Menorca CC.
The oppo’s Bill Johnson (Wikipedia him) took an advance party to his Oyster Bar where Chaos ensued, largely centred around Motty, who high on Molluscs, procured a wetsuit from places unknown, citing the need to “to fight crime” as he clambered over parked cars.
With Motty in back civilian clothes, he dived behind the bar to soak up the atmosphere the swarm of Peckers we’re creating.
A Pecker’s Jumper found its way onto local MILF Sonia, who instantly whipped off her skirt to the Barclaysmens’ delight. Forget scantily clad lingerie, an oversized shorted sleeved Peckers jumper is the future of women’s negligee.
Motty & Bison are now going to show you the difference between a yellow and a red card…
This two-footed tackle from Bison, whilst extremely rash, is very Barclays.
An after party at BJ’s didn’t materialise after his wife refused entry to not only the entire Peckers touring party, but even BJ himself.
Peckers marauded across the bars of Mahon, but with Chefrey’s failed attempt to convince the locals that the mega yacht sat at Anchor was in fact his, stumps were finally called.
Day 3
The next morning, heads even heavier than the last, we returned for the second leg of Menorca vs Woodpeckers, although both teams were much changed. With Butternut somewhere overhead, Kwakka called upon Potty & Snax, wasting little time to employ the pair as they opened up… the batting.
A formidable pair.
A commendable 9 was put on by the pair before Chef and Pirate took their marks, the latter ensuring he did not leave Menorca without score, held up an end unselfishly as Otto reminded us all that he is a seasoned Barclaysmen with the bat as well as the ball, the 80 run partnership was finally arrested with him eventually succumbing for 72.
Your Barlcays Man of the Match
A Trash cameo came with a flurry of quick boundaries before Bison entered the square, roaring on the ball to the ropes with every brutal bovine blow.
Spinach too got in on the act with some big boundaries of his own.
Greasy improved his score from the day before by 3, as Bison hoofed yet another ball over the stone wall for the local farmer to retrieve as he stampeded a half century to end the innings.
Bison on the Charge
Peckers concluded on 233-7.
Motty 72, Bison 53*
Kwakka, impressed by their batting, gave Potty & Snax the new pill, the latter getting yesterday’s big scorer out before he could inflict similar damage.
Kwakka & Pirate chipped in with 3 well earned wickets between them before Chef and Spinach were introduced as tea beckoned, leaving Menorca down to 97-6 at the break.
Tea was as good as the day before, featuring an unchanged line up. After all, why change a winning tea(m)?
After tea, Chef toiled for his wicket, AstroTurf is not a friend to the spinner, but it was the other end that saw action.
Like Barclaysman Berbatov against Blackburn, Spinach collected an excellent fifer to close out the game. Menorca scuttled for 143.
Spinach 5-37, Kwakka 2-13
All in a days work for our Regal Spinach
Before a ball was bowled, few would have tipped the Peckers of Menorca to achieve an emphatic double, but as all good Barclaysmen do, they played with courage, heart and skill.
It is no coincidence that the last team to win the Premiership of the Barclays era were unlikely heroes Leicester City.
Your Barclaysmen of Menorca,
BJ, who had finally been let into his house by his other half to fetch his guitar and accoutrements, pitched up to perform at the clubhouse. Within moments, every Menorcan player had bolted for the car park, allowing Peckers to take turns serenading one another in the dwindling sunlight.
We came, we saw, we conquered, however, Menorca captured our hearts.
After the intensity of the past few days, the Peckers opted for a few glasses of red wine, steak and an early night.
Day 4
Almost all Peckers fledged the nest the following morning, with only Mama, Bison & Chefrey remaining for a few extra days of rays.
Chefrey remains in Menorca with his loving wife Ghislaine, but he fears not even she can fill the chasm in his heart left behind by the Barclaysmen of Menorca.
I leave you with a link below to Snax’s summer edit. Peckers Up, Cat Out xxx