On Sunday the Woodpeckers returned to Bushy Park and Teddington Cricket Club for the 8th time in their (known) history. After a long period of uncouth weather the forecast was for dry and bright. If only the same could be said for the Woodpecker party headed for TW11.
This photograph not only captures the team and the new TCC clubhouse in their physical form, but also captures the day in a more symbolic sense - quite blurry for most of us and any Peckers not monstrously hungover spent most of the day otherwise distracted by an errant hound.
Four of today’s Peckers have spent some yesterdays as Teddington players; our dear Baron von Runkle played there in the 70s and hosted Jack Frost fixtures there in the 80s, in the 90s Motty, Botty and Muttley all played colts cricket there and senior cricket well into the naughties. It’s because of this friendly connection past and present that the Woodpeckers are given the honour of opening Teddington’s cricket week each year with this fixture now sitting at the start of eight days of back-to-back action. A veritable daisy chain of cricket, if you will.
A Pecker Packer packed full of pickled peckers. Imagine ze stench! (cat was complaining for the last few miles that he may soil himself)
Many Teddington club stalwarts return to play us as their only fixture for the season, such is the nature of league cricket many of our old friends don’t appear as much as they would like at their club but enjoy this annual run out. Maybe we play it in the right spirit, maybe we’re seen as a good chance for a red inker. Maybe it’s Maybelline.
Despite this, Teddington were short a few on Sunday and at 1 o’clock we had more dogs present than they had players. An even match seemed unlikely. Teddington Legend James Keightley and a talented young 2nd XI batter were in the nets behind the pavilion giving some young Keightleys a net on a sunny Sunday morning, and were immediately recruited - there are some benefits to being a league club. Suddenly the game was on.
A rather cry croaky voiced POB (from a Saturday leading the barmy army at Lord’s) surprised everybody by proclaiming that we would have a bat first. This didn’t have the desired calming affect on what was admittedly a rather tired and dishevelled looking 11 and immediately hangovers were compared to determine who should go out and face the chin music and who could sit in the shade for another 10 or 15 minutes and perhaps get a pint in and some pork scratching mini cheddar combos on board (thank you Cousin).
A note on the setting if you haven’t been to Teddington for a match or even to Bushy Park then you really are missing out and must come and play next season. A Royal Park and former hunting ground of Henners the VIII, this corner of south west London is not lacking in beauty, class and Great Big Bloody Deer roaming around. Teddington have been there for over 100 years and until very recently had two dilapidated old missen huts stapled together as a rather delightful and homely pavilion. TCC captain for the day Matt Rees has overseen a remarkable upgrade in facilities and what stands now is a multi award-winning architectural masterpiece clad in local oak and serving delicious ale (London Pride from the keg, cold and frothy) with large changing rooms and hot showers (Runky was delighted), but perhaps slightly lacking in that comrfoting odour of deep heat and stale piss.
And so, to the cricket. After lengthy negotiations Cousin De La Daviide Karl with a K, Groundskeeper Willy and Felix the Cat were nominated as The Opening Foursome.
Questionable wheels. Great knock though.
So out strode Cousin and Karl, Cousin in a pair of rather questionable black golf shoes, Karl looking every part the seasoned professional with white clothes on. They started very well playing the ball confidently from what was clearly a very good wicket, as we always get here at Teddington - there are some benefits to being a league club. With a score at 39 the opening pair had just started to cause confident noises from the rest of us. Unfounded of course, as Callum Manson (no relation) grabbed a debut TCC wicket tempting Karl with One That Nipped Back (“a bloody good ball actually”). In strode GKW, confident and full of joie de vivre from his recent exploits and he played the ball like a man who’d always felt he could Do A Job At Three if only he had the faith of his skipper. For many reasons, today felt like his time.
That faith, ultimately, was also unfounded, and out strode Felix somehow looking more hungover than he did half an hour previously. To be fair to Felix’s Monumental Night Out started on Thursday afternoon, took in a day at Lord’s, several lunches and finished at The Grosvenor Casino in Kensington High Street at 3 o’clock this morning. I would be dead. Felix however is made of sterner stuff and Hung Around Gamely for a few overs carving the ball to all parts. Unfortunately for the Cat, first-team captain was brought into the attack third change - there are some advantages to being a league club.
This brought Botty into the fray at 80 for three with Cousin well set on 30 odd and the game very well balanced. Cous rose to the challenge and immediately started smiting the bowling to all parts with a batting display that wouldn’t have been out of place for the Southern Braves. He raced past 50 and with Botty adding confidence at the end of each over looked set for a second Peckers century.
Alas it was not to be, One Too Many Lusty Blows and Cousin fell on his sword for 80. As he approached the oaken clad open clad pavilion we clapped him off, he said “I’ve never been clapped off before” - it does make you wonder what we did when you actually scored a ton. Never mind, Botty hung around with the Impressively Long Tail before falling for 33 vital runs to make way for the long and proud tradition of a calamitous Peckers collapse. Woodpeckers closed their 40 overs on 202-8.
We know how you feel, Myrtle.
Doughy tea.
Tea was a hangover-reducing carb fest with an excellent array of sandwiches (including smoked salmon and roasted beef) and an Indian medley of vegetable samosas, onion bhajis and vegetable pakoras.
Only slightly less doughy than Pujara’s five hour fourty-odd at Lord’s but equally as successful in the end…
And so the bowling. Set a competitive but very gettable target of 203 Teddington sent out the brothers Gujral - two bright young Colts, technically fantastic All High Elbows and good feet movement, definitely great prospects for the future. It was great to see them being given some time on a Sunday fixture to learn new elements of the game from some old lags. One of those realities is that no matter how high the elbow, you are always in danger of being bowled by a ball much slower than it looked by a 40 year old much more hungover than he smells.
The two early wickets brought two more seasoned Will Greenall and Harry Lloyd to the middle who quickly Looked In Control Of Things. Motty (6-1-12-2) and Felix (5-1-18-0) huffed and puffed but couldn’t blow anything else down and so POB brought in GKW and Tiddles for a gambol. Darling’s first ball was a gem, pitching outside off causing Greenall to leave it, only to watch the ball Clip His Off Bail. Teddington kept up with the rate and some fairly ropey ground fielding did quite a bit to encourage them that was still very much on. We had several canine related stoppages as Billy seemed keen on fielding at extra cover, Myrtle wanted to be close to Groundskeeper and Momotty’s dog roamed off into the wolds of the Park. Otto directed to poor Gemotty as she spent much of the innings chasing woofers all over the park.
Tiddles’ fine display of controlled off cutters and away swing finally brought a mistake from H Lloyd as he mis-hit one to Motty at deepish mid-on who juggled a catch to end his innings on 39. Tids (6-0-29-1) had his extra over but couldn’t repeat the magic. Runky was late to the party as he was insistent he should bowl downhill with the wind with a short leg-side boundary, whilst our plethora of medium toil up it. Normally I will let him got on a 60-40, but I felt very strongly that Runky uphill and Seamers down it was the way to go. After some bickering to entertain the troops, Runky accepted… Runky weaved his magic, picking up two wickets in his game changing first over.
At the other end POB mixed it up following the rule that everyone had to bowl an over, firstly Butternut (2-0-4-0) then Karl (3-0-13-0) and then himself (2-0-6-1) to finally wrap up the innings with the father of the openers Gujral well caught by Cousin at a sort of deepish mid-wicket.
The bowling performance (ironically from the ‘wrong’ end) perhaps of the season from Runky who’s proximity to the ground must have done something to calm his nerves ready for his Michelle.( summering in Hampton Court before the winter in Madeira, m’dear) 6-0-18-5 are an excellent analysis in any cricket, but moreso on a flat batters paradise against good opposition. That said, there isn’t much of his unique brand of herbal fingerspin in the Middlesex Prem, so perhaps there aren’t that many benefits to league cricket after all.
Woodpeckers win by 65 runs.
Post match we stayed for several jugs of ale and small sing song before being bundled into taxis and off in search of greener wickets in Battersea, with some success if Whatsapp is to be believed.