Peckers v HAC – Sunday 2 May 2021

A win against HAC would set a world record for the Peckers of seven wins on the bounce. Rather ominously, however, HAC had never lost to the Peckers. One team’s hopes and dreams were set to be shattered…

The Peckers’ XI was selected from an unprecedented squad of 18 (if this level of enthusiasm continues, Ed Smith might find himself with an unlikely new role).

HAC had circulated some stringent Covid-rules including the requirement that all cricketers must arrive in whites. Thus, as heavy clouds rolled over Central London, eleven Peckers negotiated TFL’s Sunday service looking like overgrown, alcoholic 10-year olds in pristine, tucked-in whites.

Shortly after arrival at HAC’s iconic ground set in the heart of the City of London, the clouds parted as if God himself was looking forward to the fixture.

One of HAC’s other Covid-rules was “no spectators”. Fortunately for the Peckers, Swedie and Avocado (the better halves of Butternut and Spinach, respectively) had taken on temporary employment as Woodpeckers’ official scorers (although the HAC security guards took half an hour of persuasion before allowing them in). Rather poetically, it was also Spinach and Butternut’s last game together as flatmates before taking up full-time, separate residence with Swedie and Avocado in new, grown-up vegetable patches.

Spinach, Avocado, Butternut and Swedie...in gay anticipation

Captain Henners generously offered HAC the benefit of the toss, and they put themselves into bat. Without a recognised wicket keeper in the Pecker ranks, The Badger was the least reluctant, so bravely donned the brand-new Peckers’ keeping kit .

Motty and Spinach opened the bowling. And it was an opening spell Anderson and Broad would have been proud of. There was a short boundary on one side and a long boundary on the other, but it made not a jot of difference as every delivery seemed to land on a good line and length. Spinach dismissed the openers (Messrs Ross and Raihan) with quick fire LBWs, courtesy of neutral umpire, Charles. It wasn’t long before Motty had removed their no. 3 (Moe), also LBW, also courtesy of umpire Charles (whisperings from HAC’s top order batsmen could be heard discussing the prospects of installing DRS technology in the skyscraper behind the bowler’s arm).

At 15-3 and pressure mounting with every dot ball, it felt like a big shot was coming. It eventually came off the bowling of Spinach as Salman, batting at 5, hit an expansive aerial drive back passed the bowler. What happened next must surely go down in the Peckers’ hall of fielding fame: Captain Henners, standing at mid-off, took 4 or 5 rapid, shuffly paces to his right, and launched himself into the air – he stuck out his right hand and plucked the boundary-bound ball out of the air about a foot above the turf. Jubilation ensued.

After Motty and Spinach had finished their spells (Motty: 7 overs, 1 for 12; Spinach 5 overs 3 for 26), Peckers were firmly on top with HAC on 38-4.

Casey (batting at 4) and Pete (batting at 6) had a rebuilding job on their hands. It quickly became apparent that both were very capable batsmen and, gradually, the pressure started to shift from HAC onto the Peckers.

Replacing Motty and Spinach, Felix the Cat and, in particular, Cyoungy were unable to replicate the openers’ accuracy. The Cat, uncharacteristically not hungover, bowled with impressive pace and beat the bat on several occasions; whilst Cyoungy’s half-trackers were an “intelligent” use of the big leg side boundary. After 25 overs, batsmen Casey and Pete were well-set and putting away bad balls with ease.

With the score at 102-4, the electricity of the first 10 overs was starting to fizzle out of the Peckers’ bowling. However, when Captain Henners brought himself on, confidently giving the batsmen the short boundary as the leg side option, there was an immediate change of dynamic. Henners bowled beautifully, creating drift and dip which stifled the batsmen’s otherwise fluid run-scoring. After no runs off Henners’ opening two overs, the big shot came – but it was top edged straight up in the air. The only fielder in the legside ring not to shuffle gently away from the ball’s lading spot was Motty, who took a solid catch. The Peckers had the breakthrough they needed (Pete gone for a tidy 34).

By now Lavers (or “Labers” in the scorebook) had replaced Cyoungy and found his area immediately. The dual off spin of Henners and Labers was too accurate for the HAC lower order. Henners struck twice more: an LBW courtesy of Charles (no HAC reviews left), and an excellent diving catch from Lav on the 45 to remove the dangerous Casey for an impressive 57. Lav also picked up a well-deserved wicket: a top edged cut that flew quickly to first slip where Cousin le Davide’s bucket hands were waiting to take a sharp catch.

HAC were 8 down but, as their 11th man had not turned up, they were effectively 9 down. Butternut bowled a solitary but eventful over – hitting his line and length immediately and forcing the HAC tailenders to take a risky single. An athletic one-hand-pick-up-and-throw from Motty at midwicket proved fatal for HAC’s no. 10 (Narinesingh, 0), Badger calmly completing the run out.

With the score on 127-9, and in the absence of an 11th batsman, the players and umpires walked off towards the gazebo for some lunch. But wait, what is this? HAC’s 11th batsman has just turned up?! Umpire Charles called a 5 minute sanitary (pale ale) break to allow HAC’s 11th man to pad up.

330 ml later, the players were striding back out to the middle. Butternut had two deliveries left of his over. In the end, he only needed one. 11th man (Haines) was, rather anti-climatically, removed first ball LBW (umpire Charles’ 5th LBW of the innings). HAC all out for 127.

The Peckers had bowled and fielded excellently. The bowling was, on the whole, accurate and committed. There were no obvious catches dropped, some first-rate ones snaffled, and plenty of enthusiastic fielding (special mentions to Badger’s very solid effort behind the stumps and Spinach’s numerous 8 yard knee slides to collect balls in the deep, irrespective of whether they were still rolling).

Lunch was a DIY job courtesy of Covid, and Tesco over the road was pillaged accordingly. With a low-ish 127 to win, the Peckers’ openers were Cousin David (fresh off the back of a cycling tour of the South West) and Colleen (fresh off the back of his 5 am finish the night before).

Pecker Openers El Colleen and Cousin le Davide

The pitch had, thus far, proven to be relatively slow and low, so the sight of the HAC keeper standing 12 metres back caused one or two Pecker eyebrows to raise. HAC’s opening bowler, Pete (who had also batted well) bowled very sharp left arm over the wicket. Refusing to be intimidated, Cousin David stood tall and found an early boundary behind square on the off-side.

Colleen missed out on a few early full tosses from the other opening bowler, Agnew (Saturday night seemingly still blurring Colleen’s vision), although he did connect with a huge 6 over midwicket to get off the mark.

The opening few overs were a good contest between bat and ball, with Pete in particular bowling well, but the openers’ defence equal to it (particularly that of Cousin David who managed to face the majority of the quick left arm stuff).

After all the hard work, Cousin David was dismissed for a hard fought 9 (think Atherton v Donald). By now, Colleen had sweated out his last Smirnoff ice from the night before and was beginning to see it like a beach ball. The HAC keeper suggested that Colleen was backing away, possibly nervous of Pacey Pete. The very next ball, Colleen rocketed one back past Pete for 4, and the next ball was dispatched by Colleen through the covers for another boundary. Shortly after he was unfortunately bowled by Pete for an explosive 33.

In strode the Badger on a hat trick (for new readers, Badger had managed two ducks in the opening two games, including a “Royal Duck” in the opening game). An early mix up between the Badger and Butternut, who had come in at 3, nearly resulted in the Badger being run out … for a duck. Fortunately the fielder’s throw missed the stumps by a badger’s whisker.

Butternut was removed for 1 (LBW to Pete), and Lavers was dismissed soon after for 3 (LBW to Narinesingh) – notably the first occasion Lav has played for the Peckers and failed to make a 50. Henners was in at 5, but chipped his second ball to cover without scoring.

At 51-5, the Peckers were teetering on the edge of a collapse, and Doby joined the Badger.

The Badger - sporting a floppy sun hat and shirt untucked – was reminiscent of a young Sir Viv Richards, playing on the back foot to almost everything. He batted beautifully, initially steadying the ship, and, later, playing some extravagant strokes including hooking Pete off his nose for 4.

Doby looked scratchy early on (perhaps one too many gluten-free craft ales at lunch), but soon found his flow (after discovery his faithful Newbery in his dusty cricket bag during the drinks interval) and, much to the bowlers’ dismay, the middle of his bat with some aggressive cover drives.

The Badger and Doby gradually hunted down HAC’s total and, in the end, cruised to victory by 5 wickets (Badger 44 n.o.; Doby 27 n.o.).

An impressive record-breaking seventh win in a row for the Peckers!

Peckers Team including Scorers…and Arnold