September 13 2015 - Report by LP, POB in Italics
There are four pubs within 250ms of Ripley’s ground and not one Woodie was seen in any of them before the 1 pm start for a pre match totty. The bars of the oldest, the Talbot founded in 1453, The Anchor (1570), The Jolly Sailor and The Half Moon were almost empty.
Forty five minutes before the start, most of our players were either practicing in the nets or standing out on the pitch examining it. Itshowed that they were determined not to repeat last year’s humiliating defeat by 63 runs ‘ we was robbed Guv the wicket fell apart after tea’ and establishrecords of fourteen wins and only one defeat.
The last four arrived slightly more disheveled from the Pecker Packer - Cous, Dobby, Pukey and Windy who’d attended a beer festival in Essex and Windy allegedly enjoyed 3 bottles of Zinfandel to wash down some unpalatable Squid cooked by Dobby. They were also celebrating Doby’sengagement to Maz which occurred at the Burning Man festival i …well done Dobby!
The parents of Ed Tate, made their pecker debut Stewart, President of his village cricket club in Buckinghamshire and Janet (a Canadian) Taters senior used to be nicknamed Spud, and is keen to play next season, ensuring there should be plenty of mashed, sautés, dauphinoise and butter soaked jackets next year .. Janet is provisionally named nicknamed Maris Piper
Girdles kindly came down to umpire the ground where he’d suffered his first ever Peckers injury when diving on the boundary at deep square leg on debut and dislocating a finger in 2013. In 2014 he took most of the blows in the ankle and shin area but this year has taken it on the head five times and hands twice at Marlow –We are trying to get him on some special health insurance scheme from Windy Insurance. LP was on hand also to umpire and be presidential and was joined by Ducky and Emily with Ruffie the Scottie, my mother and Gav, Lourdes, Gabi and Chico, were all there to lend support, Coatesy popped down later with his sister and nieces.
Gav’s great photo of Chico hoping for a Peckers record and a delicious bone
This latest pitch had also been played on but it was a better surface with the ball coming off the bat. As the Aussies skittled us in the decisding one-dayer I decided on a new Aussie Opening combo- Greg Palmer was celebrating the return of Chloe to premier league hockey , Chlobo also came down with Bubsy and Piper London Palmer, newly nicknamed Plops .. Gregwarmed up in his outdoor hot tub,ot sure whether Chloe in tub as well? He and Dr Alex Jay began with a succession of thumping boundaries against a 15 year old Tom Clover, bowling from the wrong foot and Chas Baddock who claimed he had an ankle injury. Greg was bowled for 14 but AJ scored nine blistering 4s in his 54, before being bowled by the crafty Matt Cliff. Al’s partner, TOB, outhit him with five 6s and 8 4s in a punishing second wicket stand of 98. As Toby rained blows I felt relaxed enough to get some memorial pints of Guinness for the one year anniversary of Rossi at Peckers’ matches. We also unfurled his glorious flag he made that’s ‘Better than a Bra’ and raised a glass to our wonderful opener. Windy supped on his pipe but surprised me by turning down a second pint as he was focusing on his bowling for later!
Realising that their third eleven opening bowlers weren’t up to it skipper Rupert Baddock called in Matt Cliff, a first teamer, who had been going to watch the local ice hockey match in Guildford, to put his gear and try to slow down the staggering pace. It is usual to have controversies in this long-held fixture and when ÅJ was 42 Cliff and his fielders appealed vociferously for a “catch” by the keeper. Al stood there and umpire Richard “Girdle” Buxton said firmly “Not out.” One fielder said “you know you’re out you Aussie xxxx” and AJ, who is one of the most courteous of the many Aussies who have appeared in our colours, said “There’s no need to say that. There was a noise but my bat hit the ground.”
Watched by his parents, Taters was inspired, crashing three 6s in his first seven scoring shots. TOB continued the mayhem and Cliff, with his 8-2-26-2, bowled the only two maiden overs. Catches went down like skittles and one of the funniest was when TOB slammed a low trajectory shot to the tubby Neal Panting at mid wicket. Neal got two hands to it and made four attempts before he and it finally hit the ground with a thump.
TOB ought to have recorded another century but on 88 he was bowled by Cliff with a ball that kept low. Our website supremo Joe Elliott came in and showed how to play the forward defensive shot but Panting soon had him lbw (non striker Taters felt Girdle may have been harsh). “Cousin” Dave Holme, attracting some attention from the spectators about his chewed off straw hat, kept the charge going with a flurry of unorthodox shots and our record of highest team total – 307 at Leigh in 2010 was in danger.
The 300 mark was passed as “Cousin” reached an admirable 50. He hit out to the wrong fielder, Toby Baddock – someone who actually completed a catch - and was caught. Now it was down to Ed to score his first hundred for the club. Ed speeded up after Miles Meacock was unnecessarily run out for one. (Butchered by Tiddles who only called yes when half way down the wicket?)
Ed was 92 with Chris Palmer on 0 in the 40th and last over. The tension was rising with Spud and Maris for Taters possible first Pecker Ton in front of the parentals...He hit a four with two balls remaining to attain glory, he was foxed by a high lobbed Chinaman – the left hander’s off break to the batsman- almost tumbled over and was bowled for 96. The bowler was the quixotic Rupert Baddock. Their players roared with laughter. ‘That’s the first time he’s taken a wicket for three years!”
The extras of 16 took our total to 326-7...the game seemed a forgone conclusion. Matt Cliff was bowled by Windy Miller’s first ball for a duck a Jaffa that cut back off the seam–and recorded a tidy 6-1-25-1 . he was complemented by the accuracy of “Tids” Palmer - 8-1-20-3 , who then got two extra overs for ‘last over’ dismissals accounted for Neal Panting, 27, Chas Baddock, 8, and James, 1. Tids bowled beautifully and felt that twin brother Greggles who was keeping could have also got to an edge or two .. Meakers did well to get two hands to a rasping drive at gully. Rupert wanted his own umpire out there and there were several noisy appeals for catches behind and lbw all turned down. Not surprisingly: they had to do something to halt the slide.
The Baron held them in check with his parsimony- 8-2-10-0- and Meakers – 4-0-11-0- almost matched it. Ed ensured the Man of the Match award by bowling Ben Munt, another teenager, for 16 and dismissed Tom Çlover, 10 Girdle’s third lbw showing he doesn’t mind raising the finger now undislocated and was probably keen to get in the shower/bar and Hughes, 8w ith his off spin – 5-1-18-3. (Tate senior or Spud had just dropped off after several Rossi memorial Guinness’s so I brought Taters on and made my Tarzan noise to wake him up) POB slipped in 2.3-0-7-2 to finish it roundly off on 100. Greggles took an excellent catch standing up and Dobby an excellent diving one to wrap things up –thanks lads
At the end of a glorious weekfor England when Wayne Rooney finally took away Bobby Charlton’s record 49 goals for England and Her Majesty streaked home past her great, grandmother Victoria in the Queens’ Longevity Stakes, our illustrious team had set four records - Highest team total 326-7, Biggest Winning Margin – 226. Fourteen wins in a season is an all-time record for the club as is only one defeat. Thanks LP for another fantastic match report and brilliant effort lads and a great way to cap off the season.
I was just speaking to our statistician Alan Wood and can confirm a fifth Woodpeckers record - It is the first time that four pecker heroes had all scored 50s in the same innings. After a delicious tea including hot sausage and cheese rolls this delicious photoshoot was taken by Pecker Web Design supremo Pukey ’Joe’ Elliot or ‘shortstop’ as he’s also known of our four proud heroes .
Four chicos who delivered the records , some possibly hoping for a delicious bone
I would just like to proudly announce our 2nd pecker modelling contract. After our very successful TM Lewins shoot we’ve now agreed a photo series for 2016 with Men Only Magazine. Firstly Taters said two weeks ago that Cous’s best friend and new recruit Archie had a nice smile . After last week’s thriller at Tadworth. On 8 Sep 2015, at 11:07, Ed Tate <firstname.lastname@example.org> wrote:Fantastic game and the sausage rolls were out of this world!...reply in 10 minutes. Taters does love a sausage roll! David Holme,Alepine
Cous had complained before the game that he really needed to get some action and AJ, Taters and I enjoyed a Franco Manca after the game and as we left Taters told ud he was feeling decidedly randy…
No photo clearly demonstrates the pecker love more than this I will send on the one Meg version and post on the web site later Maybe Cousin and Taters can have a special 2 man tent on tour with DVDs of Brokeback Mountain playing. Well batted lads and well played Peckers!