Peckers v Peckers

5th of October was a risky date for a game of cricket, but that didn’t deter 24 Peckers meeting for the end of season parday on a glorious sunny day in Barnes. Thanks to Cat for hauling a barrel of Wandle ale to the ground, and Cheffrey for raiding his Majestic beer stock.

KwakOtto Rockets vs Cheffrey Spinsters

The first match of the day was the boat race, preceded of course, by POB’s players introductions. It was neck and neck down to the 11th man, Tiddles with a full pint and Snax with a half. The crowd were going wild, and to their astonishment, Snax won by a gulp. There was much rejoicing and more ale to celebrate.

 The Rockets won the toss and decided to bat first. Was this to exert scoreboard pressure or to extend our drinking time? The wicket was a muddy sponge. The ball stayed low, but morale was high thanks to the ales. Beetle opened the bowling against his cousin. Cat said he was going to hit the next ball at Novochok at midwicket, and sure enough floated the next ball towards the Russian agent. Nov’s safe hands took the catch. Our ale carrier was out for a Duck.

Cousin David had travelled all the way from Dorset and made it count with a rewarding 17 and the first of many 6’s this day. The Russian’s top secret ball magnet earned Novochok another catch off some pace bowling by Spinach.

2 Holmes and a brace of felines -the Cat and Tiddles(scoring)

Filmstar Deggsy, aka Tripod (Ed. presumably because he’s spent time behind the camera), came in and started swinging. Lightning was steaming in slowly and throwing pies. The Russian’s ball magnet malfunctioned and Nov tried to catch the ball with his shin. The loud “Donk” echoed round ground, but he was fine, until the drugs wore off. The Game of Thrones star was finally bowled by Lightning for an impressive 22 with 4 boundaries. 

Headmaster Twinkle came in next, safe in the knowledge he couldn’t be out first ball. Unfortunately he was clean bowled by an unwilting Spinach on his second ball. Next in Ladies’ Man Merry and was clearly too merry to run singles. The Doctor had been passed the ball magnet and his brave yet foolhardy dives caused a raft of injuries that were on display in the pub later. Merry’s nearly all boundary performance of 15 was cut short by a great high catch by POB.

Enter Nelson. Butternut’s wanking injury had forced him to play with one arm behind his back. Consternation and awe hushed the ground as Nelson hoisted his first ball for a 6. Some have since hailed this as shot of the season. It didn’t stop there. Snax used to be a fast bowler but was also nursing a wanking injury. His sore shoulder forced Cheffrey’s bowlers had to endure a near 50 partnership from a huge hitting display by Traas (3 x 6s, 2 x 4s, lost balls) and Nelson’s one-armed miracles. Both retired at 28 and 24 respectively.

The author stepped in for surely his usual handful, but alas for Chef and Novochok, 3 pints had emboldened Potty. 3 x 4s and a couple just short added another 14, inevitably caught after playing the same shot every ball. The cuddly co-captain Kwakka started with a brisk 6 and 2 x 4s, caught off an exasperated Chef. SiFly fished around for a few, but alas came home empty handed. With Pecker’s legend Otto bringing up the rear, KwakkaOtto’s Rockets had built up an impressive 157. The only Cheffrey bowlers to escape with no boundaries were Beetle and Lightning with a wicket each. 

After a long ale break and jolly good chat, Cheffrey’s Spinsters opened with 2 big guns from the Spinach family. Mama Cas wasted no time despatching our oiled-up captain Otto for some nice 4’s while SiFly angled him some tasty morsels that were hoisted into the hedge; MC retiring for an impressive 25. Bison (2) looked threatening but couldn’t react in time to the speed bowling of the German Arisotocrat.

It was all too much for the Dutch Bugler

 Plotto (14) was held at bay by KO’s Australian star Tiddles, who had missed out on a bat, but avenged with the leanest bowling spell of the day. Top scorer of the day Beetle (1st innings not out 37) came into to help The Spinsters’ run rate with Cousin David bearing the brunt after deciding to bowl at a more leisurely pace than usual. 

Then the collapse, starting with Novochok’s spaced run out. With tight bowling from Cat, Traas, Merry and captain Kwakka (2 for 6), the KwakkOtto’s ploughed through the Spinster’s next 7 batsmen for a mere 26, half of those scored by a defiant Spinach. To combat the sobre mood in Cheffrey’s camp, the Spinsters finished the Wandle and before long were bawling out Queen songs conducted by POB. Beetle came back at the end to punish an over-relaxed Deggsy for 22, to bring the Spinsters within 3….though the runs in the score book only add up to 122, ehem.

Having finished the firkin, we needed food. We all retired for a delicious tikka torpedo (Snax?) at the pavilion. It was here that Cousin David unveiled his wonderful gift to POB. A cleverly designed map of the Peckers last tour of the Duro region depicting the Peckers lineage as rivers. It was a beautifully hand painted water colour that was accompanied by a rousing speech. Nice one Cuzz.

It really was a lovely gift -extremely thoughtful and loads of work from Cous

After tea we were joined by some old Pecker legends: Windy, Henners, Pukey Joe and their Pecorinos. Windy’s son Har-pindi even had a bat.  

The second innings was a hazy relaxed affair with much banter and murmurings of “Shall we just go the pub?” Despite the lack of ale we all hung in there. Tiddles and Otto had a good start, with the German clocking up a boundary ridden 25. The only double digit scorers were Merry with another boundary rich 27 and me, yes me… again! Underestimating my opponent, I asked The Doctor’s jean clad son Charlie aka Scampi if he had ever bowled before… only to be clean bowled by his first ball, a high speed in-swinging Yorker. The next 5 KOs were KO’d for 11 with Doc Jnr bagging 3 wickets off 6 balls for only 5 runs. Sign him up. 

The KwakkaOtto’s stood at a lowly 95, as Chef and POB opened with a convincing 19 against star bowlers Tiddles and Otto. The Doctor defied the odds with a classy 9, but the swingometer then favoured KO’s as Snax, Scampi and Lighting managed only 7. All was not lost, the calm nerves of agent Novochock lashed out with a quick 4,4,4,4,6,4,4 to bring about the 100 needed for Cheffrey’s Spinsters to claim a well deserved scorebook (sic) victory for the day.

The score didn’t matter. It was all about the banter and revelry, for which we were all winners. Even 3 generations of spectators on a nearby bench remarked it was the most fun match they had ever witnessed.

 The merriment continued at the nearby Coach & Horses where we were joined by the Old Horse and his Fun Filly. The author has forgotten most of what happened next, which explains his decision to buy a round of 10 whiskies – what an idiot.

Rotherfield Peppard

To Oxfordshire the Peckers ventured, in search of the ground which would host our penultimate fixture of the year. As your author navigated the winding roads towards the ground, escaping the concrete jungle of London and eventually passing through ever smaller towns and villages, it made me appreciate how lucky we are to visit such exquisite corners of England and play our beloved game, cricket. As the Woodpecker website states, the game  “above all else celebrates the conviviality and camaraderie of village cricket”. 

Well dear reader, a celebration? possibly, conviviality and camaraderie? - plentiful and Village? A blueprint to be followed.

Butternut puts Badger through his paces before heading out to open the batting

The cast for this display of Village Cricket slowly assembled at the handsome ground of Peppard Stoke Row CC as we were to be greeted by a barmy 21 degrees with some overhead cloud cover. 

The XI included faces old and new. Two members of the Spinach lineage were on show, with the return of Badger after a two year hiatus, tempted by the fixture within his new chosen county to lay his Sett within and Butternut after a brief mid season hiatus.  New faces were a mutual friend of POB and Murphy Graham ‘Gravy’ Craigmile and a Uni friend of Murphy’s Jack’The Geordie Butcher’ Hearn. Muttley, Karl with a K, club sponsor H-Bomb, Murphy and Chefrey completed the motley crew.

Woodpecker’s Innings

Given the youthfulness of the opposition and our strong batting line up on paper, POB decided to throw the embryonic opening pair of Badger and Muttley. Badger, who was in fine form following his transition to L*ague cricket for his village team Ascot-Under-Wychwood, was leathering balls back to Butternut and was raring to go. 

The opening duo - Muttley & Badger

The pitch was in good condition, benefiting from some recent rain and after a few wides, the 1st over saw a glorious boundary down the ground by Badger who had understood the assignment. With Muttley holding up the other end diligently, Badger took offence to some aggressive short bowling and hit 2 successive 4s, one of which was back over the bowlers head.

Muttley asking Gravy for middle stump, if only he hadn’t played down the Piccadilly line…

Aside from a mix up in the middle going for a questionable single by Badger, the pair motored towards 50 runs. A change of bowling saw Proudfoot enter the attack which forced Gravy, at umpire, to determine a straight-ish looking delivery to be given LBW for Muttley (11).

Gravy reliving the triggering of Muttley

This brought about a mini Pecker collapse, with Karl with a K (4) caught & bowled, Badger falling for a fluent 43 and Henners (9). All elegant batsmen in their own right, but caught by solid catches in the depths of the outfield.

After a flurry of wickets, the Pavillion was more like a Cricket inspired fashion show. Half dressed Peckers quickly busied themselves, strapping on (& off) various clobber. This resulted in the 7-10 being fully padded up in expectation of further casualties in the middle. Thankfully the tide was turned with the arrival of Butcher and Murphy to the crease. Both built their innings delicately at first and then let loose as they threatened half centuries. Jug avoidance perhaps, but they fell for 41 and 47 respectively.

Stopping the rot - Uni room mates Murphy and the Geordie Butcher with Wiener Schnitzel

More importantly, the innings had become respectable which saw us rebuild from 75-4 to 150-4. The final 5 batsmen added 19 between us to allow post a defendable 186 runs.

Match Tea

Despite historical BBQ extravaganzas at this charming ground, it was a BOYT situation, meaning the Peckers had to get creative. Despite a limited amount of home baked goods, the combination of the Pavillion bar and quantity of food kept us going. Yours truly had found the cheese he had meant to take to Lords at the back of the fridge 2 weeks prior and more importantly POB generously brought a tipple more associated with the Hampshire Hogs fixture, Port. It was very apt that, a season that had started with a glorious toooooor of Porto should see the last fixture played in the season* to include this delicious fortified wine. Celebrating both old and new faces, we took to the field well fed and very, very well oiled.

*Sanderstead rained off

A proper match Tea!

Peppard Stoke Row Innings

It was my pleasure to carry on the the proceedings with my dear friend Butternut opening up at the other end. The field was set with Muttley keeping, joined by fellow keeper Badger and Butternut grinning away in the slips. As is customary, we don’t take many in the slips.There were village displays of fielding and catching, particularly behind the stumps. The bonnet of shame sat atop the majority of the side. Some less deserving, but some absolutely justified. The fielding at times resembled some sort of goalkeeping practice, with balls pushed over the bar and round the post to stop what would have surely been certain wickets. 

The greasy paws of Badger and Mutley were most culpable and shared the Bonnet of shame for much of the match with Butters-Fingers

Comical throughout, a constant flurry of half-chances and bowling changes saw much hilarity. With every missed opportunity, there was an escalation of the internal sledging. This led to a game descending into a chaotic rhythm which was brought about by the quantity of alcohol consumed at tea and was partly reminiscent of the Afternoon Session of the 1st game of the toooooor. Much like chucking manure against a wall, the chances eventually stuck. The new boys really showed the way as Gravy’s ground fielding was impeccable and the Geordie Butcher took three catches on debut 

Butcher, Murphy and Kwakka revelling in twosuccessful catches off Murphy’s bowling. Badger taking note and practicing his ‘technique’ without the gloves on…

With the usual liquriouce all sorts delivered, Butternut (3-0-28-0) gave way to Murphy (2-0-11-2) and saw two chances stick, dismissing No.2 & 3 batsmen leaving the opposition 50-3. Butcher (3-0-5-1) also entered the fray with some spicy medium-fast pace drying up the runs.

The attack, like the port which has touched our lips at Tea, matured in age with Karl with a K (2-0-2-1) and Cheffrey (4-0-18-2) making further inroads into the opposition. The last two bowling changes saw the opening pair, Wicket Keeping Union members Muttley & Badger (2-0-4-0) finished off the completing the set of bowlers. Muttley (2-0-11-1), not be outdone by the lack of runs batting, unlocked the final wicket to see us through to a victory by 37 runs. This also meant that after our poor run mid-season we ended the last five games unbeaten for a respectable 8-8-1 record. Most importantly we’ve had huge amounts of fun.

Post match beers enjoyed by all

The Complete 'Sett' Badger, Burnley Badgerina and the Peppy Badger!

Peckers Up!

Back Row (L-R) Peppard Stoke Badger, Spinach, POB, Badger, Murphy, Winer Schnitzel and Mother?

Front Row (L-R) Chef, H-Bomb, Butternut, Muttley, Gravy and Butcher

Kew CC

On a sun-soaked Sunday in the heart of London, where the lush greens of Kew Gardens meet the grit of Brentford football fans, the Woodpeckers descended for a clash against Kew that promised to be as civilized as an afternoon tea, yet as chaotic as the local pub on match day. The scene, usually one of quaint tranquillity, was curiously altered by the throngs of the Brentford fans, aka the "Bumble Bees," whose boisterous presence turned this gentlemanly sport into a curious blend of cricketing tradition and footballing fervour. 

As the Peckers set up their fielding positions, picnic blankets unfurled nearby, bringing a touch of civility back to the scene. Avocado and Swedie took their spots next to the ever-poised Myrtle, whose presence offered a rare refuge of refinement amidst the football-fuelled revelry.

The match was a 40-over affair, with the Peckers opting to field first. Beetle took the new ball, whose express pace and tidy lines were more lethal than a bullet ant. However, luck evaded him as Kew’s openers, like bees to nectar, had an extraordinary knack of finding airborne gaps and thus survived his best deliveries with a mixture of luck and ineptitude. On the other end, Spinach delivered a diet of miserly overs that Kew’s batsmen could barely digest. Yet, despite all the leafy greens, no wickets were to be had. 

It was the early arrival of Chef "Chefry" Epstein that finally broke the deadlock. His crafty spin confounded the batsman and to the relief of all the Peckers, clipped the top of the stumps. This wicket, like a cool breeze on a hot day, reinvigorated the Peckers. What followed was classic cricket villagary at its best. A recipe of slips, dropped catches, and general chaos. Trash, living up to his name, ran in, slipped under the ball and dropped the catch, only for Pobs to swoop in like a seagull on a discarded chip, seizing the ball and rocketing it back to the keeper for a comical run-out. Kew’s batsmen, on that occasion more fluent in miscommunication than cricket, paid the price.

 With his mother cheering on from the boundary, Trash bowled as economically as a Yorkshireman on a budget, yet fortune remained distant and after 20 overs, and just two wickets in the bag, the Peckers reassessed their strategy and our focus shifted from hunting wickets to containing runs. That is, until Groundskeeper Smeagol, was handed the ball.  

Pobsy will take over here as modesty forbids GK…It was 169-2 and looking dire,as our Medium Pacers continued luckless. I wanted a change and got the Cat to loosen up for his feline spinners, but we agreed that GK was bowling well so gave him the ‘one more’ signal. This often seems to galvanise the bowler and suddenly he was on a hat-trick, helped with catches from Merry and Spinach. We missed the hat-trick but he did snaffle another clean bowled so 3 wickets in the over. I told him this was his chance for a Peckers 5-for but had a ‘wafer-thin’ Chefrey Interlude to allow GK Smeagol to gird his loins for a final push.

Chef and Twinkle teamed up for a wicket so ambiguous that even TMO would’ve struggled to make the call. With Chef whipping up some magic and Twinkle adding that final touch of sparkle, was it a catch or a umping or both? A Twinkling Chef combination whatever

GK came back for his last two overs and quickly bowled Reed for 2. Then young Oscar hit one towards to mid on where Novichok made ground hastily, threw himself full length on the baked earth grasping the ball an inch off it. He was bundled by the entire team ecstatic that such a wonderful guy had taken his first ‘Michelle Five-for’ for the club. There is additional irony as GK is going out with Novichok’s little sister Freya aka Crystal Tipps. In his own words ‘ this is yet another thing GK Smeagol needs to thank Novichock for’

The lovely Crystal Tipps pictured at Ham and Petersham last year behind a prostrate Pirrate - Novichok with his GF the gorgeous Irish Doctor Victoria. Kingpin edging in ...

GK joins the club and gets the jugs!

The wickets began to tumble like autumn leaves; Pobs capitalising on yet another bout of indecisive running with a second run-out. In the meantime,

We were finally coming to the end of the innings and during the final over, Trash’s fatigue came through as he chased a ball towards the deep mid-wicket boundary, only for his hamstring to give. His teammates, naturally sympathetic, left him to the tender mercies of his mother while they wrapped things up. Kew concluded their innings on 225 for 9, a total that certainly seemed steep given our batting line up. 

Tea was welcomed with kindly enthusiasm as delicious sandwiches, hot pizza and cookies were washed down with a mixture of tea and Atlantic Pale Ale. The crowd had swelled with more of the Peckers’ faithful: Henners accompanied by Sam, Sid and Ottilie; Michele aka Sue Chef with Tash and friend Jordana; Trash’s lovely mother Kirsty and friend Tallulah; Horse trotting alongside GG; Pirate and Becky; Macca and Macarena; and Tiddles all came with some casting a wary eye over Trash’s batting spot.

GG, Horse, Tiddles, Beetle, Pob, Spin, Pensive Merry, Tash and Michele from the Chefrey clan

The Peckers’ batting, however, began with a degree of promise. Cat and Butternut took to the crease, scratching away at Kew’s total. Butternut, nutted out a decent 19 in his new role as opener before being bowled, leaving the scene for a Beetling Cat cousins partnership that got the scoreboard racing. Beetle, who may have had a plane to catch smashed 18 runs off nine balls, including a towering six that nearly decapitated a group of children playing football in the distance -a near metaphorical collision of cricket and football on this most unusual of days.  

Cat, meanwhile, purred along to a useful 35, highlighted by his own towering six that cleared the clubhouse, much to the delight of the swarm of Bumble Bees, who serenaded him with chants more suited to their old Griffin Park than Kew Green. The middle order proved to be as fragile as a Pecker’s resolve after a late-night pub session. Novichock and GK contributed a dismal four runs between them, hardly worth mentioning, yet impossible to ignore.

Then, when all seemed lost, hope arrived in the unlikeliest of pairs: Merry and Spinach. Merry had scored 47 runs in his last 7 innings and was looking the leading contender to retain his ‘Ducky; batting trophy. Pob allowed him to choose his batting slot (desperately hoping for a return to form) and the quick early rate allowed the young hobbit to take his time and regain touch and confidence. He suddenly found it, scampering between the wickets as if he was running away from Farmer Maggot himself In a twist worthy of a hobbit’s tale, this dynamic duo turned the game around. Spinach added his own leafy strength, and the pair battled through the overs with a blend of hobbit cunning and green-thumbed resilience. Merry, on 49, was on the cusp of his moment in the sun when the umpire, Twinkle no less, raised the finger for LBW, snuffing out the dream and cruelly cutting his innings short. (i believe it was plumb tbf)Nevertheless, Merry’s contribution had turned the tide and given the Peckers a fighting chance.

Well batted Merry -for once he had the bragging rights on Traash

Pobs took the reins, his mind set on chasing down the target. With Spinach still at the crease, the pair ran as if their lives depended on it. Spinach, however, met his fate on 21, also getting triggered for LBW (this time by Chefry) leaving the field for Trass, who, hamstrung but determined, took to the crease.A brave and hobbling Trash got 7 before his runner Spinach was unlucily sent home by an incredible pickup and direct hit by Kew skipper Steve. Pobs edge us closer but soon departed for a bystling 17,and with that, the Peckers’ hopes seemed to be packed away with the picnic blankets.

But Twinkle and Chef, the final pair, had other ideas. With 19 runs needed from the last seven overs, they inched the Peckers closer to the target. A boundary here, a well-run two there, and suddenly the impossible seemed within reach.  

With the tension mounting to unbearable levels, the game reached a fever in the penultimate over. Five runs were required for a miraculous victory, and the atmosphere was electric. Twinkle stepped up, his eyes locking on the bowler, and with a deft stroke, he launched the ball towards the boundary in front of the baying Pecker fans. We screamed it home and scores were level.

One run. No wickets remaining. The suspense was almost palpable.

Twinkle squared up for the final delivery, every muscle tensed, every eye on him. He made contact, and for a moment, time seemed to stretch as the ball floated in the air. It glided and glided, moving as if in slow motion, the hopes of victory hanging by a thread. The fielders held their breath, the crowd was silent, and the game teetered on the brink…..here it is

 Then, like a cruel twist of fate, the ball drifted right into the hands of point.The final catch was made, and the dream of victory slipped away in that last, agonizing moment.

Yet, despite the nail-biting finish, the game ended in a thrilling tie. A result that, while short of glory, was a testament to the spirit and drama of cricket. The Peckers had fallen agonizingly short, yet the draw was greeted with cheers, laughter, and no small amount of relief. Even the Bumble Bees, now at their rowdiest, joined in the celebration, serenading the departing batsmen with an impromptu rendition of "Twinkle, Twinkle "

The Brentford Chorus

 As the sun dipped below the horizon, and the cold ales flowed freely, the Peckers reflected on a match that epitomised the quirks of cricket and the joys of the game. The result might have been a tie, but the day, with all its highs and lows, was nothing short of a win for everyone involved - except, perhaps, Trash’s hamstring. 

Both Teams and spectators after the epic tie

Teddington

A truly glorious setting in the ancient deer hunting grounds of Bushy Park greeted the Peckers, arriving by various modes of transport, for a 35 over game starting at 1.30. In the absence of POBsy, the captaincy fell to H-Bomb Henners, who conducted himself impeccably during the day, making sure everybody got a game. He indulged the opposition request to field 12 against our 10, and Spinach would later complete the numbers after arriving by lime bike directly from Macca’s stag do…that’s dedication to the cause. 

POBSy is expected back next week after accompanying Degsy on an adult filming assignment in Athens . His role in the production was unclear, but was the subject of much speculation and hopes were high that it could inspire the long awaited sequel to the Full Elton. Teddington CC were hosting a school Colts tournament on the first 11 pitch, so we were on the one next door, and by the time of our arrival  the deer in the surrounding woods had been alerted to potential danger by the throng of proud parents who had already reached fever pitch in their vociferous support, fuelled by spicy pakoras and samosas and lashings of chai. This correspondent was secretly considering defecting and “mingling in” to secure something edible after some pretty lacklustre teas on the circuit. He needn’t have worried….

Snax PRESENTS his case for a samosa

We would be in the field, on the hottest day of the year, under a midday sun- the mad dogs were no where to be seen. The new cherry from Huddersfield was thrown to Trash and Snax, who both toiled in the heat, with Trash putting everything into it, closing down one end only to witness the pressure being relieved at the other with the Teddington openers looking to get the rate going, leading to a straightforward catch by Henners at mid wicket off the worst ball of Snax’s spell. It had pitched half way down the track, and had all the fielders looking in the direction of Richmond to see where it might eventually fall before it had even been hit. Snax added to the wickets column with a more traditional caught behind by stand in keeper Muttley, who brought along his teenage daughter Baroness to make up the numbers. Chef relieved Snax at the Eiger end (named due to the steep uphill incline into the wicket) and soon found a lovely line and length, also bagging two wickets. The highlight was a lovely bowled, that deceived the batsmen in flight as he tossed it up. Chef is currently regarded as the biggest tosser in the club, in the absence of Runky, a well known tosser for over 7 decades.  After 6 gruelling overs, Trash had truly wilted like the Liz Truss lettuce, but Teddington never really got out of the blocks, although opener Anderson held the innings together with a well constructed 47.

At 131-7, we took the foot off the gas and introduced the occasional bowling of Merry and Moleman, who provided much amusement to their schoolboy friends in the outer. In a cricketing first, the usual suspects (Felix and Trash) demanded that the league circuit umpire call Moleman for chucking. To everyone’s disappointment, they both bowled a number of recognised deliveries amongst the buffet, which yielded further wickets as the tail was exposed. Merry was delighted with his brace, having to bowl to his restricted field after hearing Trash exclaim “i’m not catching one off your bowling”. This would be the only evidence that Trash was still conscious for the rest of the day, and, by comparison, a mannequin looked more lively in the field. Johnny’Captain Haddock’ the Barnes Common captain, had been recruited by Henners to boost our numbers. He too took two lovely wickets, perhaps bowling the tidiest spell of the day for the Peckers. Baroness entered the attack, whose lovely loop reminiscent of the Baron inspired her nickname, and father Muttley had to be on his toes behind the stumps to read the flight. Spinach came on to bowl, impersonating a leg spinner with the talent of the Australian breakdancing champion, but it took a run out to end the inning when temperatures must have been over 30 degrees. Teddington had posted 187 with 3 overs unused.

Tea was taken in a modern utilitarian clubhouse, replete with bar and seating for spectators. that extended to a full catering kitchen. The chef, a lovely man from Porto, had thankfully not linked us to the carnage that was locally reported in the press at the time by our presence in the city in April. He produced the best tea of the year, albeit in a deconstructed fashion- think bread rolls with individual butter sachets, reams of thinly sliced meats, cheeses, and quiches, and green salads. He had done his homework and the scones were served in the Cornish way, cream over jam. Everybody filled their bellies, except Trash, who sucked on several ice lollies in a prone position,

Cheffrey and Moleman in deep conversation, while Trash “sucks in” out of sight on the left.

Muttley and Merry strode out to the middle and the feeling in the team was that we had allowed Teddington to reach respectability, but that we would have enough in the tank to continue the upswing following the victory at Marlow. That quiet confidence led to Chefrey buying a jug at the resumption, honouring a bet he had made earlier if Merry had got a wicket, which indeed he had. Henners had observed this manoeuvre, and noted that the drinks were largely being enjoyed by our lower order batsmen, most of whom were now in shorts and flip flops.  Thinking this would be a formality, this assumption looked more fragile when Merry was out cheaply to a useful opening seam attack, from both sides of the wicket, and with a variety that kept our batsmen watchful. Henners, who has seen his fair share of Peckers collapses, wasn’t about to let this happen on his watch, and gently commented “Don’t overdo it lads”.  This simple intervention brought home the reality that there was still a game to be played and won, and the beer wasn’t going anywhere. Moleman entered the fray in great form, following a ton in the previous game, and followed the same playbook he took out at Marlow, preserving his wicket and seeing off the openers and playing each delivery on merit. Although we were behind the rate when Moleman was caught off Pathak- he had got himself into a pickle. Spinach came in at no 4, being elevated like a rising soufflé up the order, and together with Muttley, we quickly came up to speed with the required rate. This was to accelerate when Henners came in after Muttley was dismissed, caught off Jenkins for a top score of 42, and we quickly moved ahead of the rate. Henners started to play his shots and It became clear that we would need to be bowled out, or to implode (much more likely), but we refused to acknowledge that we only required singles rather than the extravagant shots that continued to be attempted by a middle order that play the game to entertain first. Henners  (41) formed a winning partnership with Johnny (24) before both fell to catches, and the Cat stepped out. of his litter to enduce a stumping off Ahmed.

It was nail biting stuff

Suddenly flip flops were being hurriedly exchanged for boots, and we still needed two runs when Snax joined Trash in the middle. We had Chef and Baroness still to come, but both had begged not to be needed. So Snax took it upon himself to end proceedings with a beautifully drilled straight drive to the boundary- “shot of the day” rang out around the ground…. (this correspondent is from the Winston Churchill school of scripture-“History will be kind to me, because i intend to write it 🧐”). Two wins in a row, and back on the right kind of roll..Team photos were taken, jugs ordered, and we reflected on an all round team performance, with no one getting a 50, and no one getting more than 2 wickets. Indeed one of our number managed no wickets(0-43 off 6) and no runs… but let’s not Traas his reputation, and let him remain incognito.

Marlow

From his pearly vantage point in the St Peter’s Stand, Richie Benaud gazed down upon the lovely riverside setting at Marlow at around 4.30pm on Sunday and his heart fluttered. His eyes were not deceiving him; Marlow’s total stood, like a memorial to the great man himself, at 22 for 2 chasing 222. Marvellous.

 How did we get to this piece of cricketing perfection? Well...

Our hosts, the genteel Marlow Park CC, won the toss and put the Woodpeckers into bat on a decent surface surrounded by a well-kept but undulating outfield. Prams and mobility scooters buzzed gently among the trees and the funfair lent a Caribbean lilt to the atmosphere as debutant Irn Bru Stu limbered up with comrade Kamikaze, who is always good for a fashionable 20 or so.

Marlow’s strike bowler sent down a quiet first over and a gentle start was made by all. All except Kamikaze, who scythed four boundaries in quick order and raced to double figures. At the other end, Irn Stu probed for form in his first outing since last summer, and opted for spritely singles and twos with one particularly lovely cut for three to get the scoreboard moving. Sadly, it was more of a splutter as both openers were on their way for 12 and 8 respectively, with Kam knicking off to slip and Irn Stu holing out from a defensive push before either had managed to change gear. Speaking of holes, the Peckers were in one with the score at 23 for 2 after 6 overs.

Fear not, dear Peckers – cometh the hole, cometh the Mole!

Sure enough, in strode our talpidaeic hero to scratch a guard, adjust his sights, and commence what was to be his great dig. The first part of his rescue act was Rootish in its numbers with plenty of 1s and 2s with the odd boundary-finder thrown in for good measure. Second-in-command of operations at this point was another debutant, Tweaker/Tweakle/Tweak-easy Pearce who swung in from the Trash tree that very morning. While Moley tapped away at the bowler’s figures, Tweaker went for the heavy artillery, starting with a lovely cover drive for 4, before firing off several shells in the direction of the pavilion and river. Soon enough, though, the opening bowler Aslam had him caught off a feisty one for a threatening but short-lived 17; Aslam was now well warmed up and firing rockets himself.

In strolled our third debutant, another cutting from the Trash collection, as Diogo Cottrell – fresh from his gap year and not without a dash of the young Nick Compton about his gate and grace – sauntered out to assist with Operation Mole. Good as he looked, Diogo did not last and was soon caught on the cut in the gulley with a quick 7 to his name, which left Trash to clean up what had become a bit of a mess.

Although he may have been missing his old housemate, Traaash was in no mood for small talk with Mole in the middle and let off some big shots before missing a straight one which kept low, he claimed. That said, he was looking up at the sky as it went through so we are not sure he is a reliable source. He departed for 8 and the Peckers opening gambit stood at 76 for 5 off the first 20 overs.

Marlow may have been forgiven for thinking this was going to be a slow morning. They had dealt with the Trash after all, but were not expecting at this point a visit from the Milkman, who stole in quietly and began to take liberties with their domestic arrangements.

We are not sure why anyone would underestimate their milkman, but in this case the opposition are to be forgiven as Milky had to request the wicketkeeper to scratch a guard on his behalf because his bright orange Saucony running shoes were as useless as they looked in the circumstances. Embarrassing stuff, quite frankly, but our Milkybar Kid was more trouble than he looked, and he settled in for a lovely partnership of 60+ with Moley who, by this time, had lost all semblance of patience. He had also begun to find the form that had taken him to multiple Pecker of the Year pennants, and he was now digging like a demented mol...

The glass that seemed half empty began to look half full as Milky Milky and Moley Moley began to churn out the runs in udderly irrepressible fashion. The bowling that had been past-your-eyes (geddit?) before you could see it earlier seemed slightly fuller fat over the seven overs of the Mole-Milk partnership and the score quickly moved onto 130 for 6 by the time Milky was caught for a libero’s 19. Crease occupation was the greater victory at this point as Moley’s eyes were now well in and he was beginning to motor.

Twinkle’s celestial 9 moved the board on with Mole now well and truly up for a scrap. Degsie proved a fantastic foil to the freewheeler at the other end as Mole moved towards and through a quite superb hundred with some massive shots around the ground, including one that almost cleared the pav, another that almost killed a dog, and a thirds that nearly did for an inattentive boundary stroller and her toddler. Degsie compiled a classy 19 in a 10-over partnership that was to be the bedrock to the innings and Molie gave the Umpire Shep something to smile about with a final score of 111. He was marooned at the wrong end as Palmer secured a five-fer and a hat-trick: Degsie stumped, Pobsey caught behind, and Chefrey stumped. Chapeaux removed for the wicket-keeper who was excellent throughout and finished the Peckers off with two stumpings and a caught behind in consecutive balls.

Total: 221. Mole 111 red.

Tea was taken and if tea is your thing, you might have been disappointed as a solitary tray of sandwiches was on offer and gobbled up quickly.

Pobsy chucked the nut to Trash and Degsie as the Peckers set about defending their total with two of their more reliable bowlers. Keeper of wicket Moleman was forgivably fatigued and Irn Stu was given the gloves. After two overs of range-finding Trash took the first wicket with a delivery that was full and challenging, finding the edge of a groping opener’s bat on its way to the reliable hands of Kamikaze stationed at slip. It was a good ball and an excellent snaffle, and the the Peckers were off to a flier.

Degsie soon had the second opener trapped LBW to leave the scores at chwenty chew for chew chasing chew chwenty chew. Unbelievable stuff. Trash and Degsie disposed of bats 3, 4 and 5 in quick succession and the score was 39 for 5 after 11 overs. The pick of the wickets was the last as the spikeless Milky left it lait but managed to scramble backwards from long-on and waited for the steepler to come to earth as all around fell silent, perhaps expecting him to bottle it. Spill it he did not, pouching a very good catch right in front of his mum on the boundary. Sweet!

At this point Pobsie had a call to make. Wrap this up and race home for the 100m Olympic final or give the game a chance. In one stroke, he achieved both by bringing on Tweaker and the Milkman who took the attack to the  bats. Tweakie got some real flight and bite and had the batsman groping as he took two excellent wickets with some wristy magic. At the other end, Milky found some real pace, at one point challenging the nose of a helmetless opposition captain who had to take evasive action to preserve his head. He bagged two wickets before the Chef brought out his fixed menu to polish off the last diners. Marlow were all out for 98.

All that was left was for a swift jug or two to be taken in the lovely pavilion before the Woodpeckers, Mount Olympus summited, sprinted off to find a television set.

A POEM, FROM POB

A patient start for the Pecker called Mole

He picked off bad deliveries but stayed in his hole

Of the recognise batsmen he was soon left the sole

As the young Milky Milky strode out to the bowl

At last some bad bowling the Moley took toll

With Deggs hit his hundred, the ultimate goal!

Headley

The Woodpeckers came to Headley in the middle of a tough run, as this season we’ve been lining up against some very strong teams and have been building the wrong type of run. Headley are one of the strongest we play, having triumphed the last three and I knew it was going to be a tough challenge. We had a swifty at Rossi favourite the Cock Inn and met the Beetle.

Three senior Pros discuss the current crisis or I could be eating a delicious Bagel

It was great to welcome back a long-time sponsor Dupa and another bright note was the debut of Ollie ‘Beetle’ Dunger. Cat’s cousin is cleancut, posher, much more athletic and hard to see the resemblance. We elected to field on a greenish wicket and I tossed Beetle the new cherry.

Inspecting the slightly green wicket -Dupa

Last week at Barnes was a hideous opening spell but this was quite the opposite, Our Openers took advantages of the verdant conditions to induce some false shots and a series of enthusiastic lbw appeals. The first was denied but after that a flurry as the Beetle set about the legs Barton and Cowie both lbw Dunger,Spinach nipped in to remove Calvert and these great opening spells left Headley 13-3. Beetle wanted to come off after a loose one but Headley stalwart Steve ‘Winnie’ Winslet decided to get after Traash early and the scoreboard began to motor

At 70-3 in Traash’s third over was the pivotal moment Winni top edged one which ballooned over mole and cat, the Cat ran back got two paws to it but spilt like his milk. Traas has since been quoted…’Was Mole’s catch really’. History repeated three balls later as Winnie mistimed a drive close to Pippin at cover, but the slightly braver Kwakka ran across calling but it also ended on the deck. Cat only got the bonnet for three balls, did the wrong man go for both catches and little did we know what it would cost.

At 108 Traash and Snax got wickets, but the brutal assault from Winnie continued, as he Pooh-ed all over our attack,raining blows all over the hundred acre wood and disturbing Rabbit, Owl and Eeyore . I went off to give Dupa a run but came back to get the Beetle back on and he managed to bowl the stoic Saffer de Vlieg for 8 of 26

Beetles live a second go at the ball

Sometimes a wicket isn;t a good thing. 18 year-old Daniel Greayer-Smith has played some Surrey Schoolboys, and he came in with only attack on his mind as balls disappeared to all parts.Young Dan plundered 7 maximums in 72 off 29 balls. I think we ended up with 8 lost balls as Winnie also bludgeoned 142 not out off 87. No bowler was spared this last assault, Trash particularly not accustomed to going for 63 off 7 and Headley ended 285-5 off their 35.

Tea was a welcome relief from the onslaught and nice mixture of sandwiches and cakes. 285 a lot but with short boundaries and some decent bats, I hadn’t given up hope. It was great to have my sister and nieces there and Dupa’s GF Allie

From Back L-R Dupa, Butternut, Beetle, Spinach, Traash, Moleman FR-Tiddies, Pippin, Cat, Kwakka, Pobsy, Snax

Cat and Kwakka opened up against the left-arm medium-pace wiles of Headley skipper Gruntles Waller who is a master at putting the ball on the spot.. Cat struck a couple of clean boundaries, but a similarly accurate medium pacer Barney Cowie was introduced and the Kwakka (10)-Cat(30) combo were castled 45-2. Beetle just looks like a number three and batted well with the Mole. I’ve just realised our Headley top four is like a cast list from Wind in the Willows, - Cat. Kwakka, Beetle and Mole.

Decent Debut for the Dunger Beetle

Beetle got an edge, and Traash joined his long-time alarm clock Moleman. Traash got his head down against tight bowling and tried to build a partnership with Mole. He waited for opportunities to score and managed to get us up close to the challenging RRR.

Mole was also bowled for 31 and Traash tried to marshall a few Peckers down the order, but when he became Cowie’s fourth victim of the top 5 for a well-made 65 the writing was on the wall. None of the bowlers hung around for long as Cowie and Waller took 4-31 and 4-32 bowling impressively

last guard Dupa and Snax left needing 110 off 7 overs

So a professional Headley team who play their peculiar conditions very well were too strong again, four wins in a row against the Peckers , we completed six losses in a row. It could have been different if we’d pouched one of those chances, but catches win(and lose) matches. The last time we broke the other record 2015 we followed with a losing 2016 so it's a trend and this is just the ebb and flow of village cricket.

I also feel good about the next two games against Marlow and Teddington, and we are having fun which is the main thing ! Peckers Up

Tid reflective, Traash exhausted

Reflecting on the bench with my co-captain

Barnes Common

Scribe: Spinach

The Arrival

Having recently moved to the nearby East Sheen, I was able to get to the ground in good time to be greeted by the sight of Moleman devouring a Tesco Meal Deal by himself on 1 of the 2 benches on the boundary. He was enjoying the already delightful SW London sun, which bathed this extremely green part of the Common which due to the wet weather had seen the boundary morph into a tsunami of Brambles and stinging nettles (which the fielding sides would get very personal with shortly). For those unaccustomed, Barnes Common opts for the more stripped back and rustic type of pavilion. Although there is a community centre across the train tracks, the village feel of 2 benches and a tree for shade is what greets the visiting team.

In recent times, due to Henner’s kind(ly) sponsorship of Barnes Common CC, there were a few new sights. New kit from Nike, reinforced fences at the Railway end, a well looked sfter Square and the 2 benches themselves with a plaque proudly displaying their tooooooors to Barbados, Portugal and most recently Italy. Henner’s affiliation with the London side meant on this occasion, he was worryingly playing for Barnes Common, rather than the Peckers.

Snax revealing his favourite dogging spots

The various Peckers arrived from all angles of the Common,  Macca having climbed 2 fences and Snacks recounting stories of the amount of dogging which goes on in the vicinity. After that charming thought, we turned our attention to the game.

POB & Macca arrive from the Railway End

Moleman had kindly convinced his good mates Plant and Princess to play again, the latest additions to his line, after a taste of Sunday cricket against Ham & Petersham where the former scored a half century to set us up for a convincing victory. Chef had most kindly brought an eski full of beers and Cat also brought some delicious picnic bites from M&S.

The match was to be 35 overs a side with Barnes winning the toss and electing to bat. The deck itself would easily blend into an outer court at Wimbledon. Green as you like, perfect perhaps for a seam bowler of either side if they could bowl the right areas.Spinach and Cat opened the bowling which according to POB was one of the worst starts to a bowling attack in Peckers match he could remember for a while (cue Italics…).

Admittedly, receiving a warning on the 4th ball of the match for repeated beamers was not the start I intended. A chorus of ‘let’s use the facilities now’ echoed from the slip cordon as the shortened run up allowed me to do so.

At the other end, Cat’s 1st ball to 2nd slip, reminiscent of Harmison in the Ashes down under, did not help matters with his 1st over going for 9. Safe to say, Barnes Common were off to a solid start - 30 runs off 6 overs.

Once I reacquainted myself with the green top surface, Hassan was caught behind by Moleman with a regulation line and length delivery which only Cat had been able to produce up to this stage. Cat (0-46-0-7) toiled at the other end with a shortened medium pace run up and was unlucky to not get his paws on a wicket.

A change of bowling bought Snacks AKA Kingpin to the fray with instant success. The yoga and medicinal means have seen a rejuvenated Snacks this season which led to a wicket in the 3rd ball dismissing Sanbay for 26 runs. This left Barnes Common at 48 for 2 after 11 overs.

Moleman produced a brilliant run out to dismiss Sidd who top scored for Barnes with 57. This brought to the crease their energetic wicket keeper (Oscar) who was seemingly trying to hit it to Putney, with a Happy Gilmore approach to batting. Lavers had his man after a 46.W .

Henners, as expected, batting in fluent style. On 47*,with the score getting quite large for such a bowling friendly wicket, he committed a very generous act of sportsmanship by purposely leaving a straight one off POB’s bowling, skipper then clean bowling the opposition skipper and Henners best mate Johnny Ludlow

As balls flew to all parts of the Common (Thank god they were Orange), the Peckers fielding also didn’t help matters as they spent a increasing time hacking back mutant brambles in search of another boundary. A series of missed opportunities saw the Jester hat move to all corners of the field; a sitter at midwicket by yours truly, 2 more difficult chances for POB and possibly one for Cat as well. With that said, the mannequin aka Cheffrey took a solid catch in the deep.

Spirits were raised when LP assisted by Gav came to watch the action unfold. It was lovely to see LP out and about despite such a poor performance by those in the middle…

POB, LP & Gav watch from the sidelines

Despite the motivation to put on a show for LP and the selfless act by Henners, this only partially stemmed the flow of runs as Barnes Common continued to a large score of 244-6 from the 35 overs. After being part baked for a few hours, the Peckers trudged off, finding solace in Chef’s never ending supply of beer.

Lav scoring as Cheffrey seeks to hide from Media attention

Tea

Having personally not played at Barnes Common for a couple of seasons, the food was acceptable with the highlight being the quantity of sandwiches and bone China for the Tea.

Cheffrey, Pirate, Spinach, Lavers, LP, POB, Macca & Plant tuck into the mountain of sandwiches

Woodpeckers’ Innings

The Pirate / Cat opening pairing got us off to a steady start, nurdling around until Cat opened up to hit a couple of boundaries before being caught behind. Pirate would also fall in the next over leaving the Peckers 33-2 off 11.

Enter Princess, who was outdone by Plant at Ham & Petersham, despite being the known batsmen of the two. He had a point to prove and looked solid from the outset. Despite the loss of Moleman (Duck - bowled) and Plant (5 - Caught), he soon built a solid partnership with Lavers. Lavers (21), was also seeing it well and was unlucky to be caught in the deep as he sort to up the run rate. This left us 88-6 off 22 overs and needing a minor miracle.

Spinach, Snax and Moleman enjoying being off the field but soon to join the action…

Princess started steadily but not knowing his connections to both clubs, hit Henners for 3 massive 6s off his first over which was glorious.Bomber turned to me umpiring…’who’s this guy'?’ Despite a fabulous attempt, the run chase was effectively over after Princess departed for a fluent 57, being stumped off Huzeya.

Pob kindly arranged a runner for the hobbling Macca but then did his hammy going for a quick single with runner Snax. He contemplated a 2nd runner but decided(perhaps wisely’ that would be pure chaos, he decided to retire on 5 with the game lost anyway.

The last 5 batsmen provided value for comedy but sadly not runs.No. 7 to 11 contributed the grand total of 15 runs between them.  

Peckers all out for 128 off 29 overs.

Peckers Up!

The Coach and Horses, Barnes

A long day in the field and another loss, meant that downing our sorrows was the only way to recover the day. The post match activities were held in the Coach and Horse beer garden, where no pint glasses were smashed (Greasy…) and we were even joined by Twinkles who had been out for lunch. The only sore point was another jug avoidance from Moleman’s mate Princess who was clearly to keen to get away to his rendezvous later that evening. Despite protest, Princess had chosen which Jug(s) he wanted to prioritise...

Twinkles and POB continued on to grab a pizza after the session ended as the rest of the Peckers descended into the night.

TAAAXI!

Cat providing a door to door service to the Coach & Horses for the casualties of the match POB & Macca

Full team in the Coach and Horses 2 hours after stumps -Top After-Party, Barnes Common jealous of our cameraderie

Macca hobble off to Macarena

Twinkles and POB continued on to grab a pizza after the session ended as the rest of the Peckers descended into the night.

Princess got his hands on the Jug(s) he wanted…

Tilford

On this soggiest of English summers, the Peckers made their way to Tilford desperate to for a change in fortunes. A series of defeats had left even the most optimistic of Peckers fearful of another lashing of either heavy rains or even heavier runs. Skip informs me that the last time we enjoyed a record-breaking season 2015 (17-14-2-1) we followed with a stinker of Vieux Boulogne proportions. History seemed in danger of repeating itself Blackheath, Withyham and Cheddingfold wheeled out sting teams and scored a truckle against us. 

The pre-game has been marked by a friendly banterous relationship with Skip and Tilford regular and Pecker enthusiasts Ramekin, Dan Wrenn and brother Jack (aka Wrennsleydale and Wrenn Leicester), keen to punish perceived slights from the Peckers 2023 win when we had won by over 100 runs. “Tell Pirate to bring his lid”, they said. We gathered at the Barley Mow to enjoy some pints and an extremely generously cheesed margharita pizza.

Wrennsleydale Junior, ringer brought in as a hitman to slay the Peckers

Batting first, our batsmen started well on the even but ponderous Tilford wicket. Of the openers, Molezarella was precise and potent, full of clips and curdles. Cannonbert was brittle and belligerent, storming down the wicket and cheddaring Wrenn Leicester for boundaries as though he was no more than an un-ripened Brie. Mole would ultimately fall for a solid if unspectacular 27 and Cannon for 21, both caught out. 

You’ll never win anything with kids, Alan Hansen once said (best wishes for his recovery) and Tilford clearly had not forgotten that last year Traash had smashed a 12yo around the park. They were fielding a couple of less ripened stars with excellent techniques.  

We were confident the opening partnership would set a platform for the engine room of the order, with Kwakka and Henners at 3 and 4. Sadly Karl’s defence resembled something more Swiss (in cheese terms) and he would play all around a slow straight one from the youngster Price (“Price is Right… Arm Over”), whose slow plump fizzing spinners resemble a young Runkle, wresting wicket after wicket from wide-eyed Pecker batsmen. He would claim the scalps of Kwakka, Henners, Mama Cass, and Horse in a sprint through the middle order that changed the complexion of the game in a few short overs. 

At 89-7, it’s fair to say that the Peckers were feeling blue. However, in stepped Gruysy and POB to revive our fortunes with a pair of crackers

Greasy surveys the scene as the Barley Mow survey the landlord

Playing the sticky wicket as it was intended, they chipped away with 1s and 2s, scampering caerphilly and both building notable scores. Greasy contributed an excellent 39 and POB would top score with 43, a charming and intelligent knock, like his favourite provolone, mellow and mild with the occasional one smoked through the covers. 

The Peckers would ultimately fail to bat out the overs, via a grating incident of Moley announcing and applauding a POB half century a full 10 runs early, ensuring the mockers did their job. 155 on the dry bouncy Tilford outfield looked a little short of par.

Pobsy raises his bat for the second time

Tea at the Barley Mow was held back for the post-game England match, but we enjoyed delightful hot sausage rolls and pints of Loxhill Biscuit as we took a brief half time break.

Our total looked unlikely to be enough but with England – Slovakia looming, Tilford seemed to be in a tremendous hurry. Inspired by the sausage rolls, Spinach served up a variety of pastries, ably assisted by Horse at the other end. Both would be assaulted by the younger Wrenn, who seemed on an absolute mission. Cow Corner, Goat Corner, Sheep corner.. there was no rebloch-on show, only effortless swats to all areas of the boundary, racing to his 50 in fewer than 20 balls.  

At the other end, Tilford legends Spotty and Knight would take on the roles of quiet accumulators, making 20 odd each. One of the popped one up that would do for POB, pulling a hammy scampering round and sending him hobbling to the sidelines.
Wrennsleydale would eventually be undone by a Henners floater for 79. There would be no respite however as this would only Wrenn Leicester to the crease who took his lead, starting his innings with a huge 6 smashed over Henners’ head.

 Props should go to Henners and, in particular, Cheffrey Archer, whose quiver of arrows were extremely precisely fired, restraining some of the wilder excesses of the brothers Wrenn. But, in truth, by the time England kicked off the match was all over bar the Stilton. Tilford reached our score of just 22 overs, with Wrenn Leicester finishing on 49no off 30, bringing the family figures to 2-44 off 12 and 128-1. 

We repaired to the marquee at the back of the Barley Mow for a tremendous array of sandwiches and cakes and a humdinger of a close match over a couple of jugs graciously bought by the Victors. As always, Tilford warms the heart of the Peckers, with a lovely family vibe to the day. Many thanks to our lovely supporters – GG, the Spinach clan, Zebra, Subaru, John and to our delightful hosts.

Penned by Horse.

Blackheath

Life as a pecker is blessed with playing at beautiful grounds, some provide a fine tea, and some provide exceptional teams littered with quality players from past and present, rarely all three. Still, on this muggy afternoon at the end of a single-track, the picturesque and quintessential hamlet of Blackheath in Surrey delivered the trinity of ground, tea and team.

Pecker Pug, a Blackheath local and regular of the club, had given us midweek intel that Blackheath was fielding a solid side with two father-son combinations, Surrey U16, Surrey U17’s, Tonbridge 1st team opener (close to Pobs heart) and Andrew Strauss’s former opening partner from Radley and their overseas Aussie. There are some theories our strong season of 2023 might be driving more competitive teams in 2024. Our recent run of form would suggest so, but Peckers were fielding a strong side, the sun was shining, and peckers were up.

Blackheath and Peckers took to the field slightly later than usual at 2 pm; the Blackheath u15 game against East Molesey was concluding, as we arrived, a young Sam Behn winning the game with a 4 to reach 50 on his 15th birthday. This was something of an omen; Sam was playing in our game in the afternoon with his Dad - Ed Behn ‘Big Dutchie’, owing to his Dutch heritage, , and POB had nicknamed the birthday boy Samsterdam. Ed a very familiar face and a former Pecker, having played in “That game – Peckers v Peckers If you know you know.

The outfield was as quick as glass, and the two openers from Blackheath had a look of “shitloads of runs”. There was no better response when Spinach delivered a contender for the nut of the season with ball number 2 to remove the 1st of their A players for 0 (It swung out and seemed to take the top of the middle). Spinach would complete his 1st spell without another wicket, but he would be coming back with valuable overs later in the innings.

Snax opening at the other end would extract as much swing as this muggy afternoon could provide, but anything slightly short of a length or wide got punished.Ed Behn and Freeth were starting to deliver on the pre-match intel. The fours were flowing, and despite some valiant dives and stops, it wasn’t long before the run rate began to climb rapidly. There were three overs for Snax before Greasy came into the attack, delivering some lively medium pace from one end and Trash taking over from CHRIS….Spinach. Trash got two wickets in 2 overs to remove Traash and Bushell, and the peckers were very much in the game, 65-3.. As we know, the thrill of cricket is turning points and swings in the game. How a game can “get away from you”, this is where the game truly got away from the peckers.

The Bonnet of shame was back and was being distributed widely as the Pecker fielding deteriorated in the humidity

Ed Behn (former Pecker, opening partner of A Strauss), not played for three years, decided now was the time he’d score 100 with a 131 strike rate of 76 balls. It was almost chanceless; 17 4’s most hit sufficiently to leave fingers stinging or our team tumbling at the boundary, and our overrate dropped as we fished balls out of thick greenery around the boundary.

Our next wicket would come when Blackheath was on 209, Greasy removing their number 5 for 45 soon after Ed Behn had retired on his faultless 100. Pirate took a fine catch, but we must have a special mention for our Spin twins Kamikaze and Lav the Whizz. The run rate could have easily gotten Blackheath to 300, no wickets taken, but the leg-spin of Kaze and the off-spin of Lav pegged the top order back and kept us in the game.

Spinach returned to bowl out his four remaining overs and take three more wickets, removing their middle order to finish with figures of 4-36. So Blackheath finished on 215 for 7; as we set about a glorious tea (Homemade lemon drizzle, cookies, carrot cake, five variations of sandwiches, scotch eggs, cocktail sausages, excellent) in Blackheath's very well-appointed clubhouse, we felt we’d got away with a reasonable score to chase with a fast outfield.

Pirate and Kamikaze opened up for the peckers against the Blackheath attack, who were managing to extract some inconsistent bounce from the Blackheath track. Kamikaze got into his stride early, neat off the pads and the short ball to get to 26 quickly before getting bowled by opening bowler Riddy Junior. Pirate would follow a few balls after feathering to the slips for 1, bringing Mole and Lav to the middle together and an expectation that we were still very much in the game despite two early wickets.

That optimism was squashed quickly as Mole’s 1st ball lifted off a length to the keeper, Lav missing a straight one on 4. Peckers were now 50-4 with Trash and Kwakka in the middle, and despite the mini top order collapse, the pecker's optimism was still glowing; Pobs instruction to Kwakka, “Just give the strike to Trash”, the total was still deemed doable. Indeed, the bowling change fed this optimism as the surrey youth had taken a blow. There was now more traditional Sunday Village bowling from one end, which gave us hope of some quick runs and getting back into the game. Trash and Kwakka were scoring at a run-a-ball, but the pitch was starting to deliver more for those digging it in and extracting some inconsistent bounce. One of these would do for Trash on 19 as a hook came off the glove and helmet and looped to the keeper.

What followed was more of the vintage Pecker collapse, Greasy, Millhouse, and Spinach all being removed in succession without scoring by the slow bowling of Greenway Sr. Peckers were 92-8, and now the revised goal from Pobs was, let’s get to a hundred as we haven’t for the last two weeks. Kwakkas' resistance for a 38 (off 34 balls, a great knock) was eventually ended by the young Sam Behn (15th birthday, already got a 50.

but with the peckers at 100, some sense of respectability was restored. This left Snax to join Pobs in the middle to treat us to a new shot  - the two-knee’d sweep, something of a theme as Snax found himself on the deck in the field (dropping a juggled chance), at the crease and post-match in front of the Blackheath clubhouse, not dissimilar from the Porto fall “he’s had a good life”.

He managed to reverse over a cricket bag saying goodbye…Kamikaze’s new GF Samurai seems amused, as chauffeur Pirate waits for good chat on the way home

Peckers finished on 109 with Pobs unbeaten on 12, our 3rd loss in a row; whilst some might consider it a crisis, the peckers have been around long enough to have seen these cycles and to quote the Gatusso meme, “ Sometimes maybe good, sometimes maybe shit”.

Ed ‘Big Dutchie’ Behn leads the victorious Blackheath from the field

What is not shit is the Blackheath fixture, tremendous hosts, and fine players, and it was delightful to enjoy a few beers with our friends as the sun set over their beautiful ground. On to Tilford for another cracker in the sun.

Penned by Kwakka

Young Samsterdam 80 runs and 5 wickets on his birthday, Dad Big Dutchie a hundred off 76, Kwakka 38 off 34, POB no reason to be there…

Withyham

After last year’s fixture was spoiled by rain the 16th of June 2024 became a feast of sporting entertainment: Sunday of a US Open, England’s opening Euros game and Peckers vs Withyham for the inaugural Tom Saxty Trophy. The fellowship assembled at The Dorset Arms for a quick jar of Sussex’s finest Harvey’s – introductions were made for debutants Rory ‘Wheezy’ Humfrey and Zane ‘Khal Drogo’ Khaleeque. By the time Deggsy had arrived via bus from Brighton it was time for an arranged toss – Peckers to bowl first.

The Woodpeckers’ game plan was clear: get back in time for the football. With a large crowd* sat picnicking on the slopes and the sun shining on the glorious Earl de la Warr’s estate the scene was set.

*There to celebrate the life of a Withyham legend Tom Saxty, a wonderful man and cricketer who scored countless runs including the club record highest score of 208*.He had a special place in the Woodpeckers as he made his senior debut for us when I spotted him before the game, a diminutive but fresh faced youngster on his bicycle.’Do you play cricket?’ ..’Yes I do!’ ‘Would you like to play for us?’ ‘Yes I would! He pedalled off like the wind to get his kit and was ever present and fun at our fixtures. Tom played for us again on Greasy’s Peckers debut in 2017, where Henry took his first wicket to the excellent, upbeat and timely chat from Tom behind the stumps… ‘Bowling Greaser!’ ‘Great Stuff Greaser!’ Tom sadly succumbed to a brutal illness two years ago, but every year his two clubs Withyham and Woodpeckers will remember him by playing for the ‘Tom Saxty Trophy’. The home team were aptly skippered by his 14 year old Godson Jacob Tully with his cousins Andrew and Patrick Spencer both on debut. Parents Sarah and Julian amongst the many other family and friends there.

Cat opened the bowling with a real mixed bag before settling in and eventually breaking the opening partnership with a diving caught and bowled. Taking 1-43 from his 7 overs alongside Fancy Pants who served up plenty of short stuff much to the delight of Traash and the opening pair. Sporting the bonnet for breaking a gazebo earlier that morning Pantaloons fittingly finished the opening spell of 0-34 off 5 As the possibility of a 250-run chase began to become highly likely the peckers needed a bowling change – kickoff is at 20:00 remember.

Two Teams joined together to celebrate the life of a great bloke and play for the ‘Tom Saxty Trophy’

The introduction of Deggsy, once he stopped talking to his lady on the boundary – and Traash, once he stopped talking helped stem the flow of runs and even bring wickets. Pace from Traash and accuracy from ‘Long-Dong Silver’ were rewarded equally with wickets coming either side of drinks. Withyham collapsing from 88-1 to 96-6. Both bowlers breaking through defences and being aided by smart catches from Moleman and Kamikaze finishing with almost identical figures of 3-28 (Traash) and 3-29 (Donger). 

Whilst Withyham could choose from an enormous squad of 30 players, Peckers had an unusual age profile to the side. Records were broken as John ‘Ducky’ Peters(born before Elizabeth II began her reign) and Wheezy – soon renamed Vlad the Inhaler were separated by 62 years– Wheezy having showed great technique in the field was rewarded with a bowl and quickly settled into an excellent line and length with the highlight being a wicket maiden caught and bowled(1-16 off 4) .

Vlad the Inhaler had the full Kindly family to support his long awaited Woodpeckers debut

At the other end an excitable Kamikaze (2-16) chose to vary his pace, line and length leading to the stumping of the beefy Withyham opener Ben Adams(71 off 48 balls) .  

We had them 138-9 but James Bowen was clearly not a regular‘no 11’ and struck 5 4’s in a fluent 24, putting on 42 for the 10th wicket with Tom’s cousin Patrick, rallying the Withyham score to perfect arrows..180! Mission get home early was going well – we only bowled 34.2 of the allocated 35 overs. As both sets of players tucked in to a splendid spread with enough food to feed the 5,000, or Cat for the day,

Cat ponders a stunning array of sandwiches, cakes and other assorted items that went round the corner too

One more sausage roll and onto the second innings.  

The Peckers kept true to their word and set about finishing the innings as quickly as possible. The top order adopted an ultra-aggressive batting style. The 14-year-old Withyham captain, Jacob Tully opened briskly and Kamikaze was bowled by a full toss first ball of the innings. Kami was soon followed by Cat (hoiking at a straight one) then Khal Drogo (shouldered arms) both also bowled by the ace youngster. (Khal very unlucky as Mole reported it pitched half a metre outside off) . A tough debut for Drogo who contributed little in the field bar wearing the bonnet. Traash joined the party with a duck of his own, flaying outside off.

SCOREBOARD OF SHAME -The ‘let’s get back for the football’ trio contributed a total of 7 inc two quackers

Moleman, who loves to bat at Withyham, top scored with 44 and helped to raise our total through a partnership of 22 with Murphy (12). After Mole disappeared into his burrow, Ducky made a glorious 14 from 25 balls, including some sumptuous cover drives -What a way to celebrate becoming the record oldest Pecker at 76(He’s had four hip replacements and still plays golf off 10).

Hearty Congratulations to Ducky for breaking the record in style

Fancy Pants and a hobbling Pobsy joined the Quackers, but there was a luvvy partnership of 13 between our two veteran actors Ducky(The Bill, 101 Dalmations) and Deggsy (Game of Thrones, Spectre).In amongst it the skipper’s younger brother Bruno took Vlad’s wicket aged 12, fittingly the same age Tom made his senior debut for the Woodpeckers, and also a real character. Chasing 180 ultimately was very much beyond our reach as we were bowled out for 97,though the football was in our sights. 

The crowd was seventy-strong at Tea, but many stayed to enjoy Withyham sealing the Tom Saxty trophy

Plenty of Jugs of Harvey’s were shared in the Dorset Arms afterwards as we reminisced about Tom and some wonderful stories from our 70 year rivalry. We discovered that Withyham’s record eldest player was Matt Munroe aged 82-year so Ducky may need a couple more new hips to break that one -You can do it! And so, the first part of the Sunday sporting trilogy was complete. The Tom Saxty trophy remains in Withyham’s possession, maybe a different game plan next year…?

Penned by Fancy Pants, POB in Italics

The Bonnet Boys fronted by our glorious Duckies and flanked by some lovely Withy-Hammers

‘Long Dong Silver’ got a lift home from the lovely Rosie, artist and photographer

Chiddingfold

It’s June 2023, Peckers are riding high on a record streak of wins and have just beaten Chiddingfold by 249 runs to claim their best win ever – surely this can’t be topped?? Of course not dear reader…

Woodpeckers vs Chiddingfold 2024

The fixture comes in the mid-season sticky patch, the excitement for cricket being back on the calendar has worn off, and it hasn’t got to the point in the season where everyone realises we get a short crack at the sport we love during the English ‘summer’ and we best make the most of it while we can. The bat signal was lit up and duly answered by a new crop of peckers (introductions to come) and XI bodies made it down to the quintessential village cricket ground of Chiddingfold CC.

You would be forgiven for thinking that Chiddingfold is a sleepy village nestled in the affluent Surrey greenery where not a lot goes on. That is where you would be wrong. This Sunday in question had the largest village fete I have ever seen and a visit from the Tour de France. The number of times the peloton rode past got lost amongst the plentiful supply of Bulmers and Moretti but trust me, it was a lot. Alas, we never managed to catch one with a well-timed straight drive.

Oi mate, your wheel’s spinning!

To the toss, our true leader was on the way back from a Scandi party (no Scandi girlfriend in tow I am sorry to say) so it was Pirate who tossed with the oppo skipper. Whether it was a true toss, or if last years game was discussed, the peckers were first up to bat. As you would if you were given the captaincy for 5 overs, Pirate opened with himself and the first of the new faces –Mike ‘Mama’ Cass. Unfortunately for Mama, his debut with the bat did not produce much of note, too much ‘California dreaming’ perhaps? Bowled swiping at a straight one, he’s a true pecker in that regard.

I’m captain I’m opening

Whilst waiting to bat, I was treated to a heartwarming story. The Chiddingfold opening bowler at 17 years old had fled Taliban-run Afghanistan, walked all through Europe, found his way onto a small boat crossing the channel and made his way up from the south coast to the land of the toffs so that he could play cricket again.  But if you ask me a half volley is a half volley and short & wide is short & wide so he got the treatment just as anyone else would. Karma eventually caught up with me and a full toss that should have gone over the school roof came off my leading edge a glorious 47 off 32 balls by a modest Kami. This brought the second debutant of the day to the crease: Ben ‘Bumpy’ Makepeace, a Kami recruit from Battersea Ironsides.

He and the swashbuckling Pirate ticked the score along with plentiful boundaries but not quite as many quick singles or twos, no need to guess why on a warm Sunday. Pirate was the next to fall, an LBW given by Potty that really did sound awfully woody. Luckily the umpire is always right therefore no questions were asked. It is about this time in an innings (just after a pretty decent platform to really kick on has been set) that the peckers like to collapse, Greasey and Butters duly obliged and brought out to bat the third and final new pecker, Ulric. Whilst this carnage was unfolding at the other end Bumpy had been playing a proper innings on debut, making a very well made 58.

Fantastic debut, questionable helmet

Now Ulrich hasn’t played cricket since his time at school, I wouldn’t want to be rude and guess at his age but it certainly wasn’t that recent... However, he laid willow on more than some of the more hungover regular ‘cricketers’ and kept on smiling through numerous attempted stumpings Next cab off the rank Spinach looked like a man who had been drowning his sorrows at Bath failing to win the premiership and didn’t fancy hanging around for too long. A comedy moment where Ulrich managed to run two before Spin moved summed up his innings pretty well. It was shortly after this that Ulric was finally stumped to much relief of their keeper.

Back to the beers

So, it was down to POBsy to get us to a winnable total, some proper strokes and some hacking got us to 180 but luck would run out and he was caught still charging headlong into the fray as any good captain should. Last two men in Potty and Snax would surely use their deep friendship to see out the overs and get us a few more runs to bowl at..? No, horrendous mix up and Potty run out by yards. 180 all out.

Do I call when it goes behind the wicket or do you?

When the opposition start setting out tray upon tray in the pavilion it can only mean one of two things: they know we could collapse at any minute or there is so much provided for tea that it takes 15 overs to set up. The latter. What a spread; meters of home-made sausage rolls, piling towers of various sandwiches, refreshing watermelon and a gorgeous lemon drizzle. 9.8/10, lack of crisps really letting them down.

Now to the formidable opening partnership of Spinach and Snax. Firey pace from one end and wily swing from the other, what could go wrong? A lack of respect from the Chiddingfold opening batters that’s what, Snax taken off after three overs after not bowling that badly at all (his early morning self-medication as noted by his chauffeur might not be helping). Greasey was unleashed in replacement and succeed in getting the opener to sky a ‘fizzer’ to use Chefry’s vernacular, POBsy chased back under it and took a fantastic grab. Unfortunately for him this catch will be lost to annals of history as Bumpy produced a diving speccy off Spinach that must be front runner for catch of the season in that top room of the Alma when the gold is dished out. Pob may even sing the ‘Bumpy’ song

In all our excitement and following Spin’s second wicket we neglected the fact that we had brought out their two best batsmen. This is where the game started to run away from us, memories of the fantastic catches were quickly forgotten as balls started hitting the deck all over the place. Missed attempts from Potty (not a tough chance), Greasy (tried to kick one while stood at first slip), Mama Cass (feet stuck in treacle) and a special combination of Spinach trying to use his thigh to catch one then hurling to ball to Bumpy with the batsmen out his ground only for the ball to be spilled have been noted in writing but I’m sure there was a slew of missed opportunities to drag ourselves back into the game. Butters was brought on to toil away with a slightly different variety of right arm medium, but with the batsmen in some ‘nick’ it was a bit unfair to report on his bowling with any unkind words.

By the time Potty was thrown the ball the Chiddingfold skipper was in the late forties and kindly retired after whacking another boundary. 40 runs being scored in the first two overs after drinks meant that Potty was not given enough canvas to paint with and it was just one over before Chiddingfold passed our score at a canter.

fThere are worse ways to spend a sunday -from the back L-R Pob, Spinach, Potty, Snax, Mama Cass, Greasy, Ulric, Butternut, Bumpy, Kamikaze, Pirrate

Not as glorious as our performance last year but a splendid day enjoyed by all – bar open all day, deck chairs to relax in, encouraging words from Cous watching the livestream and even a spot of sun.

Onto the next & peckers up

Kami x

https://woodpeckers.play-cricket.com/website/results/6202770

Full scorecard and videos here x

Latymer Old Boys

“I never meant to be in romantic comedies; it's just what ended up happening” quoted the Latymer High School old boy, Hugh Grant, one sunny day back in the early noughties…..and here we were at that very place, on a beautiful sunny June day, which certainly had plenty of romance and comedy!

The highlight of Romance and Comedy with some real Catting

This is also the school of our very own Bomber Henners, who had helped our skipper in organising this lovely fixture, on the best outfield we ever likely to field on.

The Peckers dribbled in to one of the few central London grounds we play at, and at start time we had 8 players ready to go. Snax was around, but looking lost and dumbfounded as he walked past the gates. He eventually walked in and informed us that “a kid nicked my stuff on the bus”…which not only explained his lost look, but clearly angered him.

Pobsy clearly saw this as a real opportunity to use this anger, post putting the Latymer Old Boys in to bat, and threw the ball to Snax to open the bowling! An inspired decision!

The next crew of Peckers arrived and we started with 10, Greasy still making his way to the ground, post doing Chef duties in his lovely pub all morning, with Snax snarling like a raging bull at the end of his mark.

The Latymer Old Boys, who were more young boys it has to be said, were in total shock and unable to pick the incoming medium very slow inswingers that were being dealt up.

Groundskeeper opened up with a 9-ball over but it also contained a wicket as the opener steered one to our Traashy gully. The pressure was on, and between Snax and Groundskeeper, the Latymer Old (young) boys were soon 18for 4 on a lovely batting wicket.

The highlights being a “demanded” LBW from Snax, after three Richard Hadlee type appeals, all missing it has to be said, and a beautiful in-swinging seaming delivery from Groundskeeper that bowled Brainard through the gate. The opening bowlers ending with a combined 5 for 19.

Pippin was then brought on to help with “making it a game” but only succeeded in getting 1 for 18 in 5 dibbly dabbly overs. thanks to a brilliant catch standing up my the Mole.

A fine knock from Latymer middle order batsmen Garry then provided some resistance, with him scoring a lovely 41, full of nicely timed drives and pulls. But wickets were continuing to tumble with the Cat throwing down some filthy spinners but still getting some lovely figures of 1 for 23.

Greasy had by then turned up, but given his early cooking had forgotten his cricket shoes and so joined us in his black velvet trainers, which looked a little out of place on the carpet outfield we were playing on.

This inspired skipper Pobsy to ask him to bowl some spin, and reaching deep into the buffet trolley asked Pirate to come on at the end, as this was a sure way of making sure that the Latymer Old Boys could still make a competitive score……or so he thought.

First over Garry, looking good and set for a bigger score, spooned one up in the air off a Greasy leg-break for a fairly comfortable catch by pirate in the gully area. This clearly gave Pirate the confidence he needed, as he then took the most stunning of one handed caught and bowled ever seen, followed by a further wicket to wrap up the innings, Traash taking his second catch of the day.

Pob, Trash, Pirate, Mole, Hobbits Pippin and Merry -Fr Greasy Hoover, GK Myrtle, Bomber, Snax, Cat

A rather uncompetitive 104 all out scored by the Latymer Old Boys on a glorious pitch in the warm sunshine. We walked off applauding the eventual Player of the Match Snax, as it was he who had set the tone, with his beautiful opening bowling, confident that we could finish early with such a good batting line up at the ready.

Tea was a bring your own affair, but this actually led to a good picnic style tea on the outfield, whilst the Pecker dogs had their share of running wild on the perfect grasses.

Not often the Dabell brothers get to open, but here was a real chance to go out together, without anyone noticing, and get us off to a good start. Merry got out early after a brisk start, getting 6 in about 10 balls. Pippin was determined to hang around, and managed to sneak to 8 from about 40 balls, before eventually being triggered missing a straight one.

Pirate had managed to get to double figures, including a lovely hook for 4, only making sure he connected to not have his glasses smashed, before falling to a lovely slower ball from the Latymer opening bowler.

This brought Henners and Greasy to the crease, the former having his lovely parents in the crowd, watching on, like they did many years ago, when Henners was a thinner, quicker, more nimble school boy. However the hard hitting and lovely drives were all still in place and they had a chance to reminisce with fondness at their sons stroke play.

Greasy missed out on the new ball, but a poor mal-nourished Hoover made up for it

Greasy, having is trusty hound watching on, decided it was time to open the beers, and took to Hamish with real aplomb, placing a couple of very large sixes over cow corner.

Peckers win getting to 112 for 3 within 18 overs, and able to finish early and enjoy this beautiful ground whilst sipping some locally found tinny’s and snacks!

A glorious day had at a glorious ground, and as we sat around the outfield, there was many a discussion about how the Latymer Old Boys missed out, and were unknowing in how to play the Peckers “slower” paced bowling than they were used to. Will we be asked back, I for one (Pirate) surely hopes so, as I managed to get home in 10 minutes rather than the usual 2 hours. Up the Peckers!

Myrtle really enjoyed the shade of the scoreboard to bark at other doggies

Peckers & Old Boys enjoying the sunshine post game

Ham and Petersham

Scribe: Snax (aka Kingpin) with Spinach in Italics

A new record was set for the number of Woodpecker debutants on the same day (6) for the bank holiday fixture at glorious Ham and Petersham. Most of the regular Peckers were spending the long weekend in France so stand in captain Spinach orchestrated a rear guard action worthy of Dunkirk over the course of the week, that started off with 5 players, and ended with the Full Monty, thanks to the efforts of Moleman, Cutlery and Borgav. A remarkable feat given how many core peckers were away!

The most important ritual of becoming a Pecker is, of course, being awarded a really silly nickname… could this eleven collectively find their Pecker identity by stumps on a typical English summers day that breezed through the seasons like Runky through the tail?

Enter the six newcomers-Tilak, recruited by Borgav during one of his “something for the weekend” shopping trips to the 24 hour Crystals supermarket on Fulham road, nick name Tictac (he has promised all peckers a healthy discount on the top shelf periodicals and other essentials which will mean they will only be double the price of your normal convenience store). Also initiated were James Forrest (Princess), elder brother Tom (Fozzy the bear), Cameron Lockie (Plant, because he’s now asexual- sorry Runky)… and Harry Hoare (nobody dared do this justice on the day, so this correspondent will call him “Dirty Harry” for the purposes of this periodical). Nicknames assigned, there was still a game of cricket to be played… what would the old hands make of their new team mates, and how could Spinach cope with the unknown… well, he didn’t wilt, and everybody contributed with some proper cricket being played, with a team whose average age was well under 30. It was a suprisingly exuberant and youthful side which Borgav and Snax helped round up (& away from the pub for most of the match…)

By mutual agreement, the Peckers agreed to be inserted, in a 40 over per side format. The batting order relied a great deal on faith, and the 6 debutants all batted in the top 8, interwoven with Pecker batting royalty, Borgav and Moleman. At the ‘toss’ it was clear that almost all of the Peckers were still in the Pub so a most kindly mutual decision allowed us to Bat first, something which is usually very rare!

Dirty Harry and Princess, prepared for battle - both had had suitably heavy weekends already up to this point!

The youth of our batting line up meant that there would be no fear in shot selection- these lads achieved puberty (mostly) whilst watching Bazball and the IPL. Ham and Petersham opened up with two medium pacers (Khasif, who bagged three wickets and could move the ball both ways) and a wiley 74 year old ex banker who had lived in Brazil for 40 years … (funny what you find out about people over a pint…). Princess hit the first ball for six, and we were off… Dirty Harry took one too many risks and fell first and Moleman shuffled to the middle with the clouds gathering- a portent to the customary pecker middle order collapse?) It was clear H&P were not fielding the strongest (or youthful) side which meant experimenting with the batting order to make things a bit more even.

A promising 50 run stand was manufactured, before the partnership was broken when Princess fell to a good delivery. Speaker Lindsay arrived beaming, refused a guard, and prepared to face in a position unknown to any  coaching manual, to shouts of “order, order” from the gallery. This correspondent, umpiring at the time, couldn’t work out if he needed an ambulance, rather than middle and leg. He was always going to be there for a good time, and not a long time. The first straight delivery was inevitably successful and Borgav entered the fray.

Princess (left) returns to the hutch after an entertaining 36 which included his first ball going for 6! His brother foz (right) looks on. The beginning of the inevitable Pecker collapse…

Useful contributions were made and some nice shots played before the Miandad incident happened… Borgav, an integral part of the Woodpecker dynasty, was triggered by Cutlery, in other words, given LBW by his own…a fellow Pecker… the old guard understood the significance of this moment, and a sharp intake of breath briefly interrupted air traffic over the ground…but it was too late to retract, and Cutlery probably still doesn’t understand what he has done.  Borgav held his position for what seemed like an eternity, finally turning towards the boundary and was careful to ensure everyone heard him muttering, the eternally pointless phrase, “i middled it”… We needed badly to regroup as we had lost 5 before reaching 100.

Refreshments from the dangerously close Hand & Flower during the match by Princess, H Hoare and Plant

Tictac came and went but it was Plant, coming in at no 7, who provided the roots to the innings, getting a glorious 50 on debut (though his jug avoidance due to lack of jug at the pub during the post match proceedings has been duly noted for the record). He would be ably assisted by Cutlery (18) and Spinach (43 n.o.), who might have had a chance to get a 50 had the innings not come to a premature end when Snax was out to full toss ball at chest height. We ended on a very respectable 227 all out, after 38.4 overs.

Tea was taken the the Hand and Flower, which also served as the club house, and was most acceptable, including various cold cuts, sandwiches, salad, crisps, fresh fruit and cake, and further refreshments were enjoyed afterwards between innings… Fantastic tea which went down well with some cold beverages from the pub

Moleman the Woodpecker of the Year, showing the youngsters how to prepare for the field…

We took to the field and Spinach handed the “new ball” to Snax, returning to bowling after a long injury, who couldn’t hide his disappointment at finding out it was, in fact, the same battered ball from the first inning. Nevertheless,  Snax managed to extract some swing and found a good enough length to remove the two openers quickly to get things off to a good start. The Kingpin bowled a tight line throughout and deserved more wickets. The pre-season tour in Porto along with extensive yoga has helped aid his comeback with the ball which was joy to watch.

At the other end, Fozzy thought he was bowling on a track in India, favouring the leg side, prompting Borgav to take to leg slip. The bowling style was unique with the wrong foot landing first in the delivery stride and the Leg Theory attack caused issues for the batsmen.

To mix things up, Speaker Lindsay (Ed Hoyle), entertained with a 10 ball over of Liquorice All Sorts my old housemate very kindly turned up to make a full XI, but is not known for his cricketing ability - he won’t be the last Pecker to bowl a double digit over (& isn’t the 1st).

Sanity was restored with the introduction of the medium pacer TicTac, who bowled a nagging line and was rewarded with three scalps, including a blinding one handed slip catch low to his right from Borgav. Everybody fielded well today (POBSy, standards are currently high), with no catches dropped, and two blinders taken by Dirty Harry, patrolling the boundary for victims, who also  induced a miraculous run out throwing down one stump from the boundary.

Ham were never really in it, and in the end were 100 runs short. After some filthy spin bowling from Spinach to remove the 9th wicket, the coup de grace was supplied by Moleman, who took off his gloves to record his debut wicket. We’d won by 113 runs!

Spinach led the team enthusiastically and proudly, as he had done throughout the day, to the 🤚 and 🌷 for the time honoured tradition of drinking pints at an alarming rate in as short a time as feasible, whilst sharing stories and jokes with a charming opposition.

POBSy would have been proud of the way Spinach conducted himself as our captain and made sure everyone got a chance to contribute. Most kindly!

Debutants were teased with stories of the final Woodpecker initiation ceremony, The Telling of the Full Elton, delivered as always by our glorious leader POBSy, who oversaw preparations during the week from his rehabilitation clinic in Spain. Eleven relative strangers arrived  one afternoon at Ham and Petersham on a May bank holiday sunday… and 11 Woodpeckers made their way home 6 hours later. A great bunch of lads and pleasure to lead them into battle. Certainly a few more names to call upon when we need them!

Finally, a note from our new sponsors, Crystals, 627 Fulham Road, purveyor of mints, fine wines and stale croissants, who will be happy to serve you a healthy discount!

Dunsfold

On Sunday 19th May the Peckers returned to Dunsfold, one of the jewels’ in the crown of our season.

The glorious Sun Inn at Dunsfold Common.

With our Dear Leader pursuing diplomatic relations in Barcelona with the help of Matron and Cheffrey, it was left to some trusted lieutenants to wouse a wowdy wabble, and waise we did.

Alas, we were looking very short. A rabble of just eight lined up in the WhatsApp group on Wednesday, A wicketkeeper/batsman and a mystery bowler or two short. As we know, the mystery bowler is well rewarded at Dunsfold. Short of boundary and spongy of wicket, batsmen strain and flail here like nowhere else. Once you take into account the tantalisingly delicious local beer and lush garden at the visibly adjacent Sun Inn, this really is the perfect spot for a doosra wielding part-timer.

Some ‘trusted lieutenants’

The first of the three heroes came forth on Wednesday afternoon. Adrian ‘The Dunsfold Specialist’ Potter is feared locally since spearheading a Peckers team to glory at the inaugural Dunsfold six a side championship some moons ago. We had our mystery bowler.

The second and third heroes both stepped forward from the Coates household. Reigning pecker of the year Muttley offered his willow and paws, as well as the support of his step-daughter Ellie, who recently debuted for Yateley u16’s. Coatesy promised us we had our second mystery bowler.

So a typically assorted confusion of Peckers descended on the Surrey Hills in glorious sunshine. By the time I’d fetched Levers for the last leg of an epic Shropshire commute there were already a handful of Peckers and Peckerettes enjoying the roast beef baguettes and ales at the Sun. Sadly we didn’t grow in numbers between then and the toss 35 minutes later, so it was lucky that I lost the toss and got inserted.

Are you not entertained?

After a very wet spring the wicket was spongier than ever but was drying quickly. Although 130 looked like a competitive target to aim for, we knew their experienced opening bowling unit had 250+ wickets here between them, so it would be a sweaty morning’s work.

They may have been the only recognised batsmen present but first to the pub Kamikaze and his first branch Levers were the obvious opening pairing. They looked comfortable against some tidy opening bowling. Unfortunately for Kamikaze he decided to make a suicidal crash on a target and ran a single so quick that cover had time to throw it slowly to the wrong end and then back again and was still out by several yards. In his defence he did absolutely smoke it at said cover fielder who’s dive, pick up and throw was one of the moments of the match.

Pirate joined Levers in the middle but struggled for his ‘Porto form’ and fell to a one that was “slower than slow”. “No patience for that”, he added.

Pirates - notoriously impatient.

At 14-2 and POTY Muttley still en route the leadership unit was start to sweat more than a Prince on an island. They needn’t have worried, as our talented and swashbuckling middle order of Cat and Groundskeeper were padded up and in much better shape than last year.

Felix was looking very fluid and played beautifully for his 22. Levers, looking every part the opening bat, was watchful and fluently moving towards jug territory. Things were starting to look up.

By the time the Cat played round a skinker from McCullen, Coatesy and Ellie had arrived from supporting Mrs C at a fun run and he was thrust into action. His battle with The Curse could begin! This first round was quite frustrating to watch, as he struggled for timing and fluency. You don’t become POTY without resilience and eventually a few shots landed. In the end he would be first of Fred Vorster’s (no relation) six wickets, missing one that kept a little low and slow. 

Levers was joined by GKW who looked very determined and had a very healthy looking Myrtle looking on. We were all delighted that Myrtle could join us. She’s a real Pecker stalwart and had a terrible accident over the winter, from which she’s made a miraculous recovery. Daddy B didn’t let her down and he added a quick and very useful 26 to our total. 

Levers had been working away like a pro at the other end, watching a procession of Peckers at the other. He had ended his fantastic knock just one shy of his maiden half century. Would that prove to be a match winning innings?

The only action shot we remembered to take of Leverrrrs’ magnificent jug avoiding 49.

Woodpeckers 146-9 from 35 overs.

~

Tea. Always a great tea at Dunsfold, where they do things properly. Piles of homemade sangers covering all the major food groups are merely a prelude to the cake table. Cake of the day this season was a multi-tiered coffee and walnut cake situation. Several Peckers were seen taking tips from the cook. One of the best teas on the circuit. You love to see it.

GET IN ME.

Spinach was handed the new ball to kick things off from his beloved Pub End, with Avocado and a throng of other wags and wabble cheering him on (or maybe the football, it was hard to tell). Lizzie was unlucky not to take a couple in his first over which he sent down with increasing venom and ale-y guffs. Otto clearly had some of the luck when his first ball hit something (not the seam) on a length and darted back into Max Cooke’s leg stump. 

Spinach soon joined the party snaffling the wonderfully named Bric Tyson and at 7-2 the Peckers were looking good. Doughty defense followed and the Spin-Otto pair couldn’t get another breakthrough. On a sticky day and a stickier wicket different, more surprising options were needed.

Bowling doesn’t get more surprising for captains, batters and passing swallows alike than Butternut at one end and Potty at t’other. An assortment that would have made Stormy Daniels blush was sent down, around and straight up in the air.

It is said that a thousand monkeys working at a thousand typewriters would eventually write the greatest novel known to man. Butternut’s first over rather brought this hackneyed idiom to life, and was so long that he did eventually bowl an unplayable jaffa, removing Matt Berry (no relation) with the 10th ball of his over. There was much rejoicing. The second over was similar in quality and quantity but no magnus opus was forthcoming this time. 

At the other end, the Dunsfold Specialist was weaving his web of sin, with an extreme looking in-out 3/7 legside field. A couple of tempting beamers, obviously, but then - woosh! One that pitched close enough to tickle Whitney’s (no relation) bottom edge and a swooping Muttley pounced low to his right for a marvellous catch. McCullen, dazed and confused from his own barrage of beamers skied one into a wilting Spinach at mid off and 35-2 had quickly become 38-5.

Butternut, at the Racetrack End, had settled into a rhythm - the next three overs gave us a glimpse of the quality seam bowling of which we know Butternut is capable. Let’s hope there are no more monkeys next time. Time was passing though and a partnership was forming, and that frothy post-match ale wasn’t going to drink itself. Before I could wave my arms at him a second time Groundskeeper was marking his run up with glee. Immediately fast and accurate Myrtle’s Dad quickly removed the dangerman Paterson for 20 with a very good caught & bowled.

Potter wasn’t finished and although bowling to a middle order littered with seasoned Dunsfold pros (several can boast 1000+ runs for the club) he took wickets in his fourth and then fifth over and was on for his maiden Michelle. One more bonus over was offered to see if he could get over the line. Achingly close on a couple of occasions, Peterson (no relation) was up to the task and frustrated our dear specialist once again. After a wonderful spell he was hauled off as we had a 16 year old debutant waiting in the wings…

Peckers nicknames are a curious thing. No real rules exist, certainly no written down, and they arrive in a variety of ways. With Ellie, it took three or four balls for about half of the team to realise what they were seeing in the bowling action and we all arrived at the same conclusion. A longish, urgent but stopping run up, not much of a leap - more fluid than that, out of the back of the hand quite unconventionally and high, slow looping arc finishing in a subtle leg break. Flummoxed batsmen. Yes! It was like watching the Baron at work! And so “The Baroness” was born. We enjoyed two well managed overs from the batsmen but alas the Baroness finished wicketless as bloody Felix ruined it all by getting the last wicket at the other end. Typical.

Dunsfold 94 all out.

Woodpeckers win by 52 runs.

Both teams repaired with satisfying, wordless efficiency to the Sun for jugs of frothy local ale and a tray of leftover roast potatoes and Yorkshire pud so generous that you suspect they cook extra just for us, it certainly feels like they like us visiting.

Avocado ruing the day she let Spinach superglue her arms together.

Hampshire Hogs

This report has a dark red colour, with a seductive rich perfume of ripe plums and cherries. On the palate, complex, with a good structure and a long lingering finish. Brought to you by Lamby.

~

The early season trip to Hampshire Hogs is always a highly anticipated fixture, with Peckers travelling far and wide to experience the thwack of leather on willow a mere stone’s throw from the Cradle of Cricket and on a beautifully maintained wicket and outfield. Yet it seems fitting that the Peckers get to experience it every year in a haze of drizzle.

And we would need both.

We were missing the majority of our young guns, but arrived with what felt to be a decent lineup, with the likes of Lav, Kamikaze, Borgav, Spinach and Kwakka all champing at the bit to get going. Tiddles even blessed us with his presence on the final day of his 40s. However, when Pob won the toss and asked the opposition to bat first, the Peckers reluctantly trudged out into the drizzle (naturally), safe in the knowledge that the home side had hit over 300 runs on the same wicket the previous weekend.

The Peckers got off to a good start, with Pob testing the early season fitness of Spinach (2-36) and Motty (1-27) with a 10 over opening spell for each of them. With 5 maidens between them they kept it tight and reduced the home side to 45-3 and, with the drizzle set in nicely at this point, it felt like the Peckers were well positioned to capitalise on this early dominance.

Up until this point, the Peckers had faced stubborn resistance from the Hogs opener, Parkinson, who grafted his way to a very respectable 54 from 114 balls having survived a dubious LBW appeal on 20, but the game was turned on it’s head with the arrival of George Allom (“The Gun”, 117 from 99), the Hogs number 5.

The long awaited back of Mr Allom. Stay a week longer next time, George!

Fresh from a summer of cricket Down Under, travelling back via Gary Kirsten’s training camp in South Africa where he received coaching from the likes of Faf Du Plessis, he promptly hit 3 boundaries from the first over he faced from Spinach.

Pob then introduced Lamby (0-28) as first change, who got taken to the cleaners by Allom, who tucked into some juicy half trackers for 3 overs before Lamby was hooked from the attack in favour of a change of pace in the form of Lav. He did give a couple of sharp chances off Lav which might have made a big difference.

With heavy drizzle setting in, an early lunch was called where Peckers tucked into a beautiful cheese board courtesy of Motty and Kwakka, which was washed down with a glass of the magnificent Six Grapes, bringing back memories of a very successful tour in Porto.

‘Woodpeckers’ or ‘Six Grapes’? Six Grapes Reserve is one of Graham’s original Port blends. The distinctive depiction of grapes on the label has always been used on the barrels to identify the “Six Grapes” blend. Only grapes from first-class vineyards are used for this mark. Six Grapes is a true expression of Graham’s house style with great richness and complexity. Six Grapes is a big hearted wine. It is fruity and robust and of superb quality. It is blended to be as similar as possible to a young Vintage Port. It has often been referred to as “the cricket lovers cricket team”.

Lav (2-43), Tiddles (0-37) and Chef (0-34) did well after lunch, especially considering that they were bowling to a very strong batsman. Borgav finally put the gun back in his holster but the Hogs ultimately reached a total of 225-6 off 46 overs which looked to be a challenging total for the Peckers to face down.

After a delicious tea and a particularly good lemon drizzle, Kami and Lamby headed out to open the batting for the Peckers.

With Kami looking rock solid at one end, Lamby completed the “Silence of the Lambs” and was out bowled for 1 poking down the wrong line to one that he swears “did all sorts”, capping off a bleak day just before Lambing season.

One of five rain delays, taken with typical good humour of men being reunited with their pints.

In an innings disrupted by rain delays and against a strong bowling attack, Kamikaze effortlessly stroked his way to an excellent 77 from 70 balls, but with wickets falling at regular intervals at the other end, the Peckers never really looked to threaten the home side’s total. He looked like he was playing a different game to the rest of the lineup. After his match-winning 50 last year, Kami really shows his class on a great batting wicket(made some rude remarks about Turnip patches).

Extras was the second highest scorer for the Peckers and there was some resistance from the likes of Lav (13) Spinach (7) and Motty (9), with Pob(stranded) also playing a knock for the average of 3*.

There are some people on the pitch…Last Orders for Chef

However, with the weather settling in and the light failing, the Peckers were ultimately well beaten by the better side as they were all out for 142 from 33.2 overs.

Thank you to all who made the trip, the umpires, the scorers and of course the magnificent Hogs for hosting us at their beautiful ground. It’s fair to say that we’re all looking forward to next year’s fixture, hopefully without the drizzle.

A smiling descent of Woodpeckers under a sky so leaden it would have made John Constable blush.

Lovely report Lamby! We’re all off to be stored horizontally in a dark place with constant temperature, ideally between 12ºC and 15ºC. Gentilmente.

Woodpeckers Annual Dinner and Awards

RECORD BREAKING SEASON

It was a truly memorable season in terms of fun and camaraderie matched by the performances. It could have been so different as opening game Ripley needed 4 off the last ball, and failed by 3 runs. Tight 3 wicket wins vs Tichbourne and Hogs followed and we were on our way to a record that I’m not sure will ever be broken -7 wins in a row to start the season and 10 in a row counting last season.

We also won and retained the Pecker Ashes against our convict friends (including Chef and Tiddles) and broke highest ever margin beating Chiddingfold by 249 runs. It was at this point that Shylock(not getting his money’s worth) said we needed better opposition. We’d come off 4 thumping wins in a row and at Kew going for the magic 8 or 11 in a row, we had them 60-5. We had a large crowd coming later and I didn’t want a ridiculous early finish. I also remembered my usual maxim over the years that we play cricket for fun and that my principal aim is a close and exciting game. So I hauled Traash off after 2 maidens and a wicket. They made 162 which I thought was very achievable, but sadly the batters didn’t fire. Anyway I hope you future captains play by this maxim in the future -we do play Sunday cricket for fun, and a close game is a fun game .

WOODPECKER AWARDS 2024

A few weeks ago we lost my uncle and Toby’s dad Kim Owen-Browne, a great Pecker player and supporter  Besides the wonderful Toby, he has left one other great legacy -  the word ‘Kindly’   

In his Kindly Memory we have a new trophy this season the OWEN-BROWNE PECKER BOWLING CUP

Last year Runky won the bowling prize with an average of 14. This season we had 5 bowlers with averages 12.6 and under.Akash Akki Arnold, Butternut, Otto, Spinach 16 wickets at 11.25 and Traash 18 at 11.22. However there was one player who was our leading wicket taker by one run and also recorded a feat that’s only been achieved a handful of times in club history -Twice since 1989 and the remarkable was that the two last players to do it were playing in the team at Ham. Borgav 7-33 in 2001 and in 1989 ahem…modesty forbids 7-32 at Tadworth.

A year ago a he’d made his return to the Peckers after 20 years overseas and tore a hammy showing off his medium pacers to the young lads. He reinvented himself as a spinner and this year he eclipsed his two team mates with 8 overs 7 for 21. He’s a legend the 1st winner of the Owen-Browne Bowling Cup Chefrey

Chefrey winning the Owen-Browne Bowling Cup

MOST IMPROVED PLAYER AWARD

Cat was nominated for his improved batting -elevated to opener his average improved 15.5 , 17.8 to 23.4 and best against good bowling. Unfortunately that term couldn’t be used to describe his bowling. Traash managed to hit the hay before 6am a few times this season and halved his bowling average, almost doubled his batting.  

Pippin cynically run out by jealous brother Merry on debut averaged 16 in his debut year, and this year up to 25, with a crucial 50 in Winchester to keep the run going. He’s also shown himself to be a decent and skiddy medium pacer

One player though got the unenviable Mr Kipling award for Buffet Bowling last year with his 3 wickets going at 8.5 an over. This season 5 wickets at 14.4, and a much thriftier 4.77. He was also in the running for the Ferret Award last year averaging 6.7, this year rocketed up to 18 , It’s Butternut

PECKER DUCKY CUP

The Ducky Cup is a new trophy that Cat insisted on. This will act as a generic ‘Booby’ Prize to someone who perhaps hasn’t had their best season, but a constant reminder that things can only get better, or to go to bed earlier. Our fielding was amazing this year and the bowling only Runky averaged over 25 and he’s in Madeira and would probably call me a ‘&&**’ so we can’t give to him. So in the absence of Fielding and Bowling ineptitude we look to the recognised batsman . Perhaps distracted by his   9 innings only 95 runs at 11.8 Greasy. Though he did bowl at lively pace and make a decent Paella. This chap averaged 48 in his 1st season, down to 18.43 last year -this season just 36 runs at 7.2, really shit at admin It’s Merry!

FERRET AWARD

The ferret goes in after the Rabbits.

Bronze went to 14 runs at 4.67 Chefrey Epstein.Previous Ferret Winner and must have thought he had it in the bag with 8 runs at 2.67 Potty, but his old buddy with 5 runs at 1.67 was just too ferretty-Snax

CATCH OF THE SEASON

This was easily the best season of catching I can remember. It didn’t start that well I headed won over the boundary in the 1st game and Traash dropped two sitter s at Tilford

Chiddingfold ironically turned the tide as it was a year ago Chefrey dropped three off Runky including the dolly he refers to as a fizzer. Kamikaze a pearler in the gully, Greasy at slip a sizzler if greasy had taken another wudda been 6/6. , then Cannon normally a Colander took 2 at Withyham. At Outwood we took 7 catches Skier for Pobsy, Milhouse a beauty and Kwakka the best of the lot. I  reread our wonderful match reports and this was a  beauty from our own Headmaster Twinkle –

‘The best don’t think, they do…and Muttley did, taking off to his right like a Humvee off a landmine, in glorious flight to pluck an absolute beauty at full length, inches off the ground. ‘Oh, waddacatch!’ Richie Benaud fawned from his grave. ‘What. A. Catch.’

Greasy took a crucial catch at Marlow off Akki, and it was a record as the first Pecker to unbalance, throw the ball back in and take it. Almost 100% at Treasury cat just spilt his milk( a flying effort). Borgav a worldy at slip at Teddington, then in the Peckers Peckers Ferndog took another absolute flier as Keeper. Speaking of Keepers, Moleman took 10 this season including a crucial stunner at Hogs and another to remove Henners at Barnes. He’s also played a blinder on the stats

Moleman wins catch of the season, Cat working on the trophy

AUDREY  SCOVELL AWARD

In honour of someone who gave great support to the team

Strongly nominated was Kamikaze -we had 12 for Outwood and as he was at Finals day where it was pissing down and looked to be going into Sunday he kindly offered to drop out. The clouds lifted, his beloved Somerset team won and he got 2 hours of sleep on the floor of a doss house -still pissed he decided to come and support the lads -drank 20 pints, entertained all and sundry.

One couple who came along and supported  the Peckers at many games -bringing barrels of tea, other refreshments, and even invented a Pecker Salad with Butternut, Spinach and Avocado plus a Pecker Dip Kwakka-Moley. the ever loveable Horse and GG

Horse and GG win the Audrey Scovell Award

KINDER BUENO

Lots of Kindly Efforts -Kwakka’s been extremely generous and a great help with some Admin and the Raffle tonight.

Cat is ever helpful has done sterling work with the trophies and also now is the Pecker kit man

Doby and Finura’s generous sponsorship has enabled us to buy kit at massively reduced prices

Muy Muy Bueno

CLUBMAN

In honour of the great Chris Rossi. This player joined us in the 2018 season, and has been ever-present on the team sheets ever since.  

He shares a lot of attributes with Rossi. Firstly he puts in a lot of miles on the motorway driving solo to games. Like Rossi he’s extremely generous at the bar and when hosting us at the Three Horsehoes. He’s the Pecker Daddy of such club luminaries as Cat and GK Smeagol, and it’s his line which is really now the heartbeat of the club. At the Peckers Peckers he made a fantastic Prawn chicken and chorizo paella, bringing all the materials and cooking up an absolute storm -He’s had a bloody busy year opening a new restaurant, getting married and becoming an uncle but still played 9 games , a fantastic CLUBMAN

Greasy wins the Chris Rossi Clubman Award

PECKER BATSMANS CUP

LAST season Moley won the Pecker of the Year with an average of 43.6 and was 9 runs clear of 2nd place Trash and Henners 34 . This year in true Statto Style Moley scored  8 runs higher than last year 357 still leading run scorer and improving his average by 1.

5 players averaged over 50 including Mutley, Borgav, Henners the Bomber and Lav the Whizzer. But scoring 320 runs at 53.3, his 1st Pecker Ton at Tilford…He also took 18 wickets at 11.2 and in most years would have easily won Woodpecker of the Year… otherwise known as Prince Andrew and Philip Schofield…Traaassh

Traash deservedly wins the Pecker Batting Cup

WOODPECKER OF THE YEAR 

This has been the most difficult year to decide on the Woodpecker of the Year. Spinach with 16 wickets at 11, Chefrey with 19 wickets and a 7-for. Reigning POY Moleman casting off the curse with brilliant keeping and catching including the man most unlucky not to win. Traash 320 runs at over 53 and 18 wickets 11.22. However there was one astonishing performance on and off the field this year. He became a Pecker oin 2012 and recent batting averages- 26, 8, 9, 10, 15.75.

In 2017 his son Harry was born with Hydrocephalus, water on the brain a condition that is very serious , affects 1 in 720 and very little know about it. So Matt set up a charity that’s raised awareness massively, and over £700,000. It was great that Harry and Caroline were at Ham to witness Mutley’s brilliant ton. He gave up drinking and smoking this year -the batting performance sky-rocketed to 250 runs at  AN INCREDIBLE AVERAGE OF127.5 A remarkable performance by a remarkable man -It’s Mutley.

Kwakka really struggling to bear the weight of his skipper